Forget swiping left and right on dating apps and ghosting. Is there even such a thing as soulmates anymore?
Notably, Gen Z Hinge daters were 30% more likely than millennials to think that each person has a soulmate. But is this idea of true love realistic? If so, what makes your date ‘the one’?
Science may answer your compatibility worries in a society that believes in fairytale endings. Check out these stages of getting to know your date and the process of finding out if they’re the one.
Courtship:
Meeting someone for the first time or those first few dates can be a nerve-wracking experience. However, it’s a great chance to get to know an individual, whether over a candle-lit dinner, coffee, or bowling date.
To seek out our ideal person, it’s in our nature to try to keep our date interested enough. This is so we can figure out if they are the right person for us. The more boxes ticked in our checklist of ideal characteristics (which can take a while!), the longer the relationship will last. The more boxes you check off, the more you begin to seriously question “Could this be long-term?”
But what are these boxes?
1. Seven Pillars of Friendship:
A British anthropologist, Robin Dunbar, has researched the optimal number of points that solidify relationships and build connections with your date. Here they are:
Growing up in the same place, especially during core teenage years
These are the core years and experiences that shape you. Growing up in the same place already sparks a key talking point.
Speaking the same language
After all, communication is key!
Having the same education
Education is valuable to see if you have similar ambitions. A substantial amount of people have met their partners at university.
Enjoying the same hobbies
Something you and your date can do and enjoy together is tres romantique! Think of all the cute dates you could plan around the same interests!
Sharing the same moral or political point of view
A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that “couples who share similar values experience higher levels of satisfaction and stability in their relationships.”
Sharing the same sense of humour
Nothing beats having a good laugh with your partner!
Sharing the same musical taste
Who wouldn’t want to jam out to their favourite tunes with their other half?
At this point, after getting to know your potential a little better, you can move a little closer…
Smell:
This is the perfect opportunity to scooch in next to your date. Having a good sniff is an important aspect of compatibility. This is to grasp if they have a good immune system or hygiene.
Furthermore, Psychology Today states that: “The smells we think are attractive come from the people who are most genetically compatible with us.” This can add to “sexual chemistry.”
Did you know that perfumes are very personal to you?
Perfumes or body scents you favour the most are also the most matched to your natural body smell. The fragrances you choose also enhance that. Don’t worry, we’re not talking about BO!
If their smell checks out and the vibes are right, it might be a good time to lean in…
Kissing:
Smooching not only gives us a natural high with the release of oxytocin but also plays a vital role in seeing if you are compatible with your date. We all know how a bad kiss can be an instant turn-off!
But what is the science behind a good kiss and why does it mean you are compatible?
While kissing, you and your partner exchange a lot of different bacteria. A study from 2014 in Amsterdam concluded that a 10-second French kiss could transfer 80 million microbes, yuck!
However, this can also help you identify a lot about the person. Your tastes are directly determined by the set of genes you have in your immune system. Thus, kissing is an ideal way to assess if you are genetically compatible with your person.
When you choose a romantic partner you are unknowingly sussing out their immune system. You wouldn’t want someone with a similar immune system. You want your babies to have a broad set of immunities!
Even so, you would want your partner to have compatible genes. These genes need to be very similar to yours to carry on the same set of family genes. It’s just like what animals do in nature.
Love According to Science
If you continue to date after all these boxes have been ticked and have survived the awkward family encounter, it’s almost inevitable that the ‘L bomb’ will get dropped.
Science explains that love isn’t just a feeling, but a biochemical rollercoaster fueled by oxytocin, dubbed the ‘love hormone.’ The hormone fosters bonding and attachment. The more you bond, the more oxytocin is released, building trust and connection.
Dopamine and serotonin also have a part to play. These chemical nuances are associated with reward and pleasure with serotonin contributing to emotional mood stability in the relationship.
Conclusion
Science doesn’t necessarily believe in soulmates and there is no such thing as the ‘perfect partner.’ Yet with over eight billion people on earth, there still may be perfection, in your eyes, out there for you.
In addition, compatibility and love aren’t about finding yourself in another person, it’s about aligning essentials that shape your life. This is in addition to celebrating your unique differences.
As you embrace the science of compatibility, remember that relationships and dating are also about listening to your heart. Shared dreams and goals are what fuel a connection as you both start to navigate life together.
At the end of it all, you could have that fairytale ending you’ve dreamt of!
