Imagine one day you wake up to a text from the person you’re seeing, only to find out that they have chlamydia. You can’t be mad at them for seeing someone else because you were never “official”, but you did everything an exclusive couple does. Sounds familiar? Yeah, I’m talking about situationships, especially the ones your friends tell you to get out of.
Let’s first break down what situationship means (though you might probably know that already).
A situationship is a type of relationship in which partners are romantically involved with one another but are not exclusive or committed to each other.
Now, there are many reasons for such a relationship. For instance, you might not have the emotional capacity right now for a relationship, or you may not live close to the other person. But the first reason is the infamous and OG commitment issue.
If you feel called out, don’t close this tab just yet. Commitment issues have many underlying reasons, they do not mean that the person is inherently bad or toxic. Yes, it can lead to toxic entanglements, but this article is here to help.
Reasons for Commitment Issues
The reasons for commitment issues are not very straightforward. In their article “Commitment Phobia & Situationships,” Audreyanna Garrett breaks down the reasons one might have commitment issues.
Attachment Issues
If you are someone who frequently gets into situationships, you might be grappling with attachment issues that are affecting your ability to commit.
What are attachment issues?
If you feel that you have difficulty being vulnerable or establishing security in a relationship, you might have attachment issues. There could be multiple reasons for these issues, such as witnessing bad relationships or experiencing a toxic relationship in the past.
The way you can work on them is by identifying your triggers. What causes you to withdraw from a relationship? Once you have identified the triggers, you can start healing your wounds. It will help you understand your needs and what kind of relationship you seek.
Emotional Availability
People often have a lot on their plate. For instance, they may have just started university, picked up a new job, or moved to a different country, draining most of their emotional quota. They may not have the space to be available to someone else. Though this is entirely valid, it must be communicated.
Yes, you can’t force someone to be available. And that is why it is important to know your own needs.
Fear
Fear is the most important element in creating commitment issues. There is a number of fears one might have: fear of rejection, fear of being betrayed, fear of being vulnerable, etc. But you need to step back and analyze where these issues stem from. What fears are holding you back?
Situationships are easy because you can back out at any time. But are your fears more important than your happiness? You deserve the love and affection you seek. If you identify your fears, you can work on communicating with your partner. This will not only benefit you both in the long run; but it will also prevent the toxicity of a situationship.
Working on Your Commitment Issues?
The very first step would be to introspect. You need to ask yourself why you are afraid of commitment. Is it fear of intimacy due to past relationships or experiences? Are you uncertain about your future plans? Do you find communicating your emotions to be difficult?
The list could go on, but the important part is recognizing and accepting the difficulties you face. How tragic would it be if you sacrifice the happiness you deserve because of commitment issues?
To address these issues, you can reach out to professionals and other people you trust for advice, or you can take some time for self-reflection — whatever feels right to you.
How To Get Over a Situationship?
Getting out of a situationship is difficult because at least one partner is always emotionally attached. Moreover, it is hard to leave something behind when you lack closure.
The first step would be to accept the reality of the relationship for what it was. This is easier said than done. You may have imagined a future with this person, even though they were giving mixed signals. But that should be your closure: The situationship did not become a long-term relationship because your partner was not on the same page as you.
Your well-being matters the most. Ask yourself: is settling for the idea of someone worth sacrificing your happiness? As you think about it, listening to some comforting songs might help you move on.
And if you are holding on to the person who is not meeting your needs, you must remind yourself that you deserve better (I am reminding you too!). If this is still not enough, call your bestie, and they will tell you how valuable and special you are!
So next time your friend tells you to get out of a situationship, listen to them!
