Like many others, I have always been a self-proclaimed “long-term type of gal.” However, this summer I have decided to shake things up — to find the perfect summer fling. As the tanning oil and bikinis make their way back into our local stores, are you having a craving for something fun?
The fling files
A few summers ago, I started sleeping with this guy who went to a high school near mine. Coincidentally, our schools were both doing our senior skip days at the same park, and after sharing a smoke with him, I decided to jump into this new conquest. He was charismatic, intelligent, and had a bright future in front of him.
He seemed to cross all the boxes for a perfect boyfriend; however, this led me down the wrong path. I fell into a ditch of love and limerence that was coated in a rose-colored lens.
However, at the end of the summer, we both moved to different universities around the country. My heart was completely shattered. I must have soaked my shaggy airport clothes to the point of filth the morning I left for college. After that day, I told myself I would never do a summer fling ever again — I wouldn’t be shedding tears for another TSA worker to see.
And for the past two years, I limited my interactions with young, “casual” men. But… my perspective has changed with the season. I spent all of my sophomore year of college looking for someone to settle down with, or at least someone to spend a good seven months with.
However, being led on for the fourth time made me wonder if I should give in to casual dating. And it’s perfect timing! Classes and exams ended a few weeks ago, and the temperature has hit the high 70s. I’ve officially gotten a few bikini lines and a craving for a piña colada with a side of casual sex.
@lif3_inspoo #summerfling #romance #slowburn #repost #foryou ♬ ac aethopia – cerys 🎬
A few weeks ago, I matched with this guy on Hinge. He’s the exact cookie-cutter of my type, from his baggy Carhartt to his complimentary humor. But behind these characteristics were a few ticks that could save my heart from breaking. His psychotic eyes during cowgirl and his irrational fear of commitment make me clench at the thought.
Although this may sound unpleasant, these faulty characteristics are holding this fling together. I’m a casual romanticizer of my casual relationships. I find myself often picturing a white picket fence after one date. Therefore, if he doesn’t leave me room to fantasize, I can’t fall in love.
How to catch the perfect fling
If you believe a casual friends-with-benefits is right for you, you may not know where to start. Finding a hookup buddy may be simple in thought, but it can be difficult to find the right person for you.
No one likes a bad hookup. From the meaningless conversations to the lack of rhythm, there is nothing worse to experience. After many bad encounters, I’ve found a few tricks to foreshadow whether the hookup will be sexy or not-so-sexy.
Unless you’ve met this potential fling in person, it can be difficult to see if there’s chemistry. If you’re meeting them on a dating app, it’s best to look for preferred platonic qualities first. For example, I typically look for any humor in their profile, such as a self-deprecating joke or a funny date idea.
To have a successful fling, you must have a base foundation of a friendship. Without the comfort of a friendship, you won’t be able to fully let yourself relax. Don’t you want to enjoy the presence of the person you’re sleeping with?
Similarly, having banter or playful teasing is also a quality I try to look for. Furthermore, if I see early signs of these, that’s typically where I can see success in the sheets.
Are you ready to fling?
Although I’m ten toes deep into casual dating, you may not be ready to take those steps yet. Sometimes it can be hard to be vulnerable with someone you know is only temporary. However, it can also be freeing.
Whether it’s a post-breakup rebound or a vacation buddy, flings can be extremely beneficial. They can boost your ego, mental health, and add a little excitement to your life. I’ve found in my experience that flings are more likely to be experimental and open in the bedroom. Similarly, you can get to know others and yourself on a deeper level.
On the other hand, you may be more keen on a deep, committed relationship instead. This is totally understandable and a valid feeling to have. It’s natural to get attached and hope for a future with the person you’re most vulnerable with. Especially if you have never had a fling before, you may get strong feelings for them easily.
After a long-term relationship, I jumped into a fling that lasted longer than it should have. I had romanticized every inch of him, from his laugh to his character. I can say with confidence that I definitely wasn’t ready for something casual at that time. The entire time, I thought this person was also falling for me.
After months and months of hoping and dreaming that we would ride into the sunset, I let it rest. Why should I keep expecting that it will move forward if it never has?
These internal battles hold us back from taking advantage of short-term relationships. That’s why I believe many people say short-term relationships are unhealthy and ultimately toxic. However, I have to argue that they just don’t work for those individuals.
As Ms. Alex Cooper states, “they’re only magical because they’re temporary.” Once you begin romanticizing the far deep future — that’s where you get stuck. Despite the rom-coms and 90s TV shows telling you otherwise, this summer fling is not your soulmate. When you’re shoulders deep skinny dipping or cuddling with them in bed at night, that’s what you need to remember.
Reality Check
Personally, I’ve gained a lot from the short-term relationships that I’ve encountered. Whether it was experience, freedom, or confidence, they all have something to offer to better your life. However, these benefits can only positively affect your life if you’re open to receiving them.
If you plan to jump into some casual summer romance, then you need to keep yourself in check. Don’t suggest a fancy dinner downtown. Instead, request a stroll on the beach before watching scary movie.
Summer flings can seem glamorous and euphoric at times, but don’t allow yourself to get attached to these fantasies. This has always been a difficult task for me. However, with self restraint and a little pinch of lust, I can get through this summer fling scar free. Are you up for the challenge?
