Tonight’s episode kicks off with the Rose Ceremony. The men have the power, so the women are turning up the heat—especially when it comes to Gary. Goldens Leslie, Nancy, and April are all vying for his rose, while Kim is keeping his options open with both Faith and Nancy. And already in the first five minutes of The Goldens chatting, I’m crying over stories about their late spouses. This is too much emotion for a Monday night!
Who stays, who goes
Brian offers his rose to Parisa with surprisingly eloquent words; Andrew mumbles some truly terrible French to ask Alexe if she’ll accept his; Jeremy gives his to Bailey; lovebirds Spencer and Jess stay together; Dale hands his to Kat; Allyshia accepts Sean’s; and Jonathon chooses Lea, saying he wants to “see where things go.”
Then it’s The Goldens’ turn: Keith gives his rose to Kathy, Kim gives his to Faith, and finally, Gary offers his to Leslie.
That means April (our beloved Paradise cougar), Nancy, and Natascha (dolled up in her iconic mismatched chair earrings) are sadly sent home.
But of course, with Paradise’s “new and improved” twists, the ceremony doesn’t end there. Jesse announces that there will be no more new arrivals. Major curveball! Instead, couples will now be tested with high-stakes challenges designed to reveal who’s truly in it for love, and who’s here to win. Oh, and let’s not forget there’s a cash prize of half a million dollars. Holy $#%@.
So basically, we’re now watching Bachelor Pad on crack. Get ready for more drama and even more betrayal.
Competition mode
The couples scramble to learn the basics about their partners: favorite food, middle name, hometown… Maybe this is finally the week Brian reveals his favorite color.
The first challenge is a betting game called “High, Low, What Do You Know,” where partners guess numerical answers about each other. Each person wagers whether the real answer is higher or lower than the number Jesse shows. Guess wrong? Lose chips. End up in the bottom three? No rose for you.
The winning couple earns a romantic one-on-one, and the woman from that pair gets to save two of the bottom couples. The third? Gonzo.
Things start off mild. The topics include unread texts, beauty budgets, and ideal retirement age. Then it gets spicy, with questions about faked orgasms and how many times Dale’s had sex in one day. Let’s just say it’s more than four. Of course it is. Of course it is, Dale.
Brian lowballs Parisa’s dream wedding budget, wasting way too many chips. And it only goes downhill from there. Gary follows suit, blowing half his stack, which lands him and Leslie in the bottom three, alongside Kim and Faith, and (unsurprisingly) Brian and Parisa.
But here comes the big shocker. Jeremy bets his entire stack of chips on a question he admits to being unsure about. It reads like self-sabotage. Except… he gets it right. Ugh. Cue his Oscar-worthy performance, pretending he’s thrilled to be winning with Bailey and not still pining for Susie. And yes, I will keep bringing that up.
So, Jeremy and Bailey win the dinner date and fireworks. Yay?
The girls are mad
Cocktail hour brings drama. Nothing new.
Brian is absolutely over Parisa. He claims she’s “overcommunicating” and he cannot stand to be complimented all the time. Geez. He won’t even glance over at Parisa the entire night. Instead, he’s more concerned with wooing Bailey and Jonathon, so he can stay in the game (since they have the power). Parisa lowkey crashes out in her confessional. I support it.
Meanwhile, Jonathon’s been leading Lea on. He tells Kat they’re just friends and assumes Lea knows—but she definitely does not. So Kat, a true girl’s girl, checks in with Lea. And Lea is not happy. She holds Jonathon accountable for his misleading words in a quite tense conversation. Even at the Rose Ceremony, she hands him her rose with a simple “you’re welcome.” Iconic.
Bailey’s in control
Just to reiterate— because Bailey and Jeremy won the challenge, and the women have the roses this week, Bailey decides who goes home at the Rose Ceremony. Naturally, Jeremy immediately starts talking strategy. Not love. Strategy. He’s laser-focused on weeding out the competition, not figuring out who’s here for a relationship.
Bailey is emotional and thoughtful about this. She’s looking at this from a genuine place. Jeremy couldn’t care less, and no one is surprised. He literally says he’s here to win the money. Full stop.
The two “in danger” Golden couples take their turn pitching themselves to Jeremy and Bailey. Brian takes it a step further and schmoozes Jeremy directly. It’s giving “Kiss the ring” vibes.
In the end, it’s still Bailey’s decision. She gives roses back to Faith and Parisa, meaning Kim and Brian are safe, too. Everyone else stays with their original partner.
This means Gary and Leslie are sent packing.
I’m sorry, but the way Paradise has treated The Goldens is crazyyyy. There are now only TWO Golden couples left. They needed more screen time! More fun in the sun! More make-out seshes!
What are we even watching?
I know no one asked, but here’s my take on this episode’s twist: this is supposed to be a dating show. A place where connections are tested by surprise arrivals, where people fall in love, maybe even get engaged. It’s not some big strategy game with cash prizes.
If you want to bring back “Bachelor Pad,” fine—do it. Just don’t turn ‘Paradise’ into something it’s not.
We could’ve watched Brian and Parisa crash and burn on their own. We could’ve watched Jeremy spiral the moment a hot new girl walked in. Let the chaos unfold naturally!
And not to be dramatic… but the challenges suck.
If you’re still into all this, though, I’ll see you next Monday 😉
