This week on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’, everyone’s still recovering from April’s shocking rose selection, and the Golden women are coming to terms with the fact that Faith’s entrance makes three too many of them. So now, it’s April’s turn to do body shots and have some fun while she’s still in Paradise. Naturally, she ropes Dale into doing them with her.
And speaking of the devil, Dale and Kat may have actually “deaded” their arguments. (Spoiler: he’s lying and desperately wants someone new to walk in.) At this point, my favorite relationship is Jonathon and all The Goldens. He’s literally their golden boy!
Nancy and Gary get chocolate wasted
Golden Nancy and Lea still have date cards from last episode, and they know exactly who they want. Lea, who has already met Jonathon, snags him for a beach picnic — even though he’s wearing a leaf mask with eye slits and keeps spitting out his coconut drink every time she tries to speak. She thinks he’s being flirty. Personally, if someone kept spitting at me on a date, I’d take that as a pretty strong friend-zone signal. Sorry, Lea.
Meanwhile, Nancy wastes no time getting to know Gary on a cacao ceremony date. Apparently, cacao brings out sensual desires (news to me). The two embrace the plant’s “natural qualities” with deep breathing and an uncomfortable amount of self-touching (don’t get the wrong idea). What started as a sacred ritual looks a lot more like an Ayahuasca trip. Mind you, they’re basically just drinking hot chocolate.
They return to the villa sooo high (allegedly) and think everyone’s dressed as birds. Feathers, beaks, squawking… oh wait, that’s actually happening.
Birds of Paradise
Host Jesse announces the week’s challenge: a chemistry test called “Birds of Paradise.” The goal is for each man to perform their best mating ritual and win over their partner. Think “Love Island’s” heart rate challenge, only deeply unsexy.
I imagined Harry Styles in his “Daylight” video. What we got was not even close.
Andrew kicks things off in full black eye paint and swan feathers, dancing for Alexe. It’s awkward but sweet—and he knows how to shake it. Spencer struts out like a Thanksgiving turkey and goes straight for Jess, shirt off, grinding away.
Brian and Parisa arrive as parrots and have a little too much fun. Golden Kim dances with all the women, and Keith does the same, naturally.
Then comes the main event: Allyshia (Grant’s season) walks in dressed head-to-toe in red, shocking everyone—especially Dale, who is wearing dramatic winged eyeliner, rhinestones galore, and a massive red feathered wig. He looks like a 1960s synchronized swimmer. He pulls Kat to dance, but once Allyshia joins, it’s obvious he’s into her. Awkward.
Then there’s Jeremy, who declares himself a “sex bird demon.” Honestly, he looks like he crawled out of the Black Plague. He tries to impress Bailey with the worm and… cracking raw eggs on his chest? I hate it. I hate it more knowing how not into Bailey he is. (More on that later.)
Finally, Sean appears as a peacock and pulls both April and Allyshia, while Jill is left sitting alone, spiraling. She ends up self-eliminating. She knows her worth! She’s never gotten a fair shot in this franchise, so hear me out: Jill for Bachelorette. I’m serious.
Brian just wants to “flock”
Welles and Hannah declare Brian and Parisa the challenge winners, awarding them a night in the VIP suite. Brian’s idea of a perfect night? “Flocking.” Yes, it means what you think it does. He tells the camera they’ve already been intimate, and tonight is all about sex.
Parisa, on the other hand, wants to get to know him better emotionally. She asks, “What’s your favorite color?” and Brian freaks TF out, refusing to answer. Apparently, he wants a hot girl next to him who won’t talk. Yuck. Now things are weird between them.
Jeremy’s still stuck on Susie
Let’s back up. Remember Jeremy’s meltdown when Susie left? And how he immediately regretted giving Bailey his rose? Well, nothing’s changed.
Before the challenge, he tells Brian he doesn’t want to win because he doesn’t want to spend a night with Bailey. He’s still thinking about Susie. And he thinks whispering it means his mic won’t catch it. Idiot.
Jeremy, let me hold your hand when I say this—just leave the villa!! Even Brian can’t believe what he’s hearing. Jeremy is lying to himself and stringing Bailey along.
Dale drama
Later in the night, Dale chats with Allyshia right in front of Kat, who’s doing her best to stay chill. Jonathon swoops in with piping hot tea: he tells Kat that Dale wants to go on a date with Allyshia just to “watch Kat sweat.” The producers waste no time rolling the tapes to confirm this is exactly what was said.
Kat confronts Jeremy, who denies everything. Word gets back to Dale, who doubles down and lies straight to Kat’s face.
Allyshia, thankfully, wants no part of it. So even after Dale tells her she’d be a great wife and mother (slow down, y’all), she chooses Sean for her date just to dodge the drama. Is it bad that I kind of wanted her to pick Dale just so Kat could finally move on and find someone better? Like Jonathon (wink, wink).
Friendship date
The next day, Faith still has a date card to hand out. Her only real interest is Kim (who Kathy already disapproves of), but he’s off getting an EKG because apparently being around women spiked his heart rate. So, she invites Kathy on a horseback riding date to help her conquer her fear of horses. It’s adorable. Possibly the sweetest thing I’ve seen all season.
The episode ends just as the cocktail party begins, so there’s no rose ceremony this week. You’ll have to wait until the next episode to find out who’s going home.
