Starting therapy can be scary for most. It requires you to be honest and open to a complete stranger. That’s pretty intimidating, especially to anyone who’s private or who generally suffers from anxiety.
Therapy has so much to offer, and can really provide support. It’s already terrifying enough, so why should you have to step in, not knowing where to start or what to expect?
A little guidance can go a long way and hopefully reduce some of that fear.
How do I know I need therapy?
“There is no one sign that you need therapy,” professional clinical counsellor Riley Brown said in an interview with Trill Mag.
Unlike going to a doctor for physical pain or changes, it is not always clear you could benefit from therapy, although there may be some indicators.
“People often realise it’s time when they are struggling with daily functions,” Brown advises, “[or] are in consistent emotional distress, are stuck in patterns of behaviour they dislike, but cannot seem to change…”
Therapy can also be a helping hand to improve or work on personal development –behaviours, attitudes that are holding you back, a desire to set boundaries, or become more confident.
“In essence, we are all ready for therapy.”
Riley Brown
Okay, now you’ve made the decision to start therapy … what now?
What are the benefits of therapy?
If you’re unsure how therapy can help you, or still need that lil’ extra push, remember how much you can gain from just starting.
Therapy means having someone you can talk to. It means someone who’s there to listen to your worries, fears, thoughts, and concerns – everything, with no judgment. This can take some weight off you and provide relief in knowing what you’re saying is actually being heard, taken in, and responded to.
It can help you build, repair, and create boundaries in relationships, be that with friends, family, or romantic partners. You can change negative thought patterns and unhealthy behaviours.
Where do I find the right therapist for me?
Finding the right therapist starts with where you want to do therapy. Luckily, there are so many options to choose from.
You can now have online meetings via text messages, phone, or video call. Online therapy has many advantages: it’s more accessible and convenient, with less time travelling. It can also be less intimidating.
In-person therapy, however, can feel more personal. Talking face-to-face can’t be underestimated; your therapist can respond to facial expressions or body language, which helps them understand how you’re feeling.
“What we know gets clients the best results,” Brown said, “is your connection/relationship you have with your therapist.”
A lot of therapists specialise in specific areas, so you can find one who offers support for particular issues such as anxiety, relationships, family troubles, etc.
Is my therapist right for me?
Don’t worry if you don’t connect with your therapist. Riley Brown suggests asking yourself the possible reasons why, then bring these up to your therapist.
”This might be scary, as it can seem like a criticism or complaining…” Brown said, “We know it is not personal, and that there are great therapists for some clients and terrible therapists for other ones.”
Bringing up these concerns could bring you closer and allow you to tap into problems to work through. Lots of therapists work differently, so if you still don’t feel it’s working out, they can help you find someone “who would connect with the parts of you that they cannot”, Brown said.
What will my first session look like?
Before your first session, you will be asked to fill out a form that can cover any of the following:
- Prescriptions
- Home Life
- Relationships (romantic and family)
- Lifestyle (including: sleep, exercise)
- History of mental health
- Wellbeing issues (addictions, persistent thoughts and feelings)
Be honest, I know it’s scary — but don’t try to answer these based on how you want to feel, or how you want other people to see you.
From here, you and your therapist will develop goals you want to work towards. Each therapist will have their own routine, so it will look different for everyone.
“For me,” Brown said, “it typically includes addressing their most pressing issue if it’s very urgent, or explaining the process of counselling and how it works, the modalities I most likely use, and how they can make the best out of it.”
Don’t be afraid to ask your therapist what it’s going to look like and how the session is going to work.
What do I even talk about?
Sometimes, making conversation at the best of times is hard. Therapy is no exception to that. Here’s the thing: you can talk about ANYTHING. Anything you want. But then, it’s like “where do I begin?“
If your emotions are jumbled up, it can be difficult to sort through them and form a conversation. So, instead, why not make a list before each session? It can include how your day, or week, went — was it good? Bad? Alright? Why do you think that was?
What’s been bothering you lately? Even if it seems small, it all counts. Any behaviors that are currently evading your life? Write it down and bring it up. Nothing is insignificant.
Making the most out of therapy
Getting the most out of therapy doesn’t start with taking up as many sessions as you can or agreeing with everything your therapist suggests — it begins with being honest. Be honest with yourself and your therapist. Consider the questions and points raised, reflect on your reactions to what was said, and analyze them. Talk to your therapist about any feeling, thought, or behaviour – no matter how small or insignificant it may feel.
Most importantly, PARTICIPATE!
“This is your time and money on the line,” Riley said, “and when you fully participate, your mental health improves, your distress decreases, you have better relationships, a more positive view of yourself, you gain autonomy … you achieve self-realization.”
Be aware, you’re not going to have a breakthrough in every session, you’re not always going to walk away understanding a feeling, or changing a behavior. That is perfectly and completely normal. It takes time.
How often should I attend therapy?
Of course, this will be dependent on budget and how much time you can offer (especially if you’re juggling a busy schedule) But it will come down to how often you feel is best. Sessions can span from weekly to monthly.
Brown suggests that for those working through a crisis, weekly meetings may be best. Alternatively, Brown said fortnightly sessions can allow you “enough time to try new tools, and behaviors at home,” so you can review those the next time you talk.
Don’t worry if you can only schedule infrequent meetings; progress can still happen, it just means a slower process.
Eventually, Brown explains, you can move to ad hoc sessions, which you can make when something arises in your life that you want to discuss or work through.
You might feel intimidated about therapy, but hopefully, with this guidance, you can take the first few steps to a version of yourself that you can love. You’re braver than you seem.
