How To Be Perfect: Our Obsession to be the Best (and its Consequences)

Do more, be better – We have become obsessed with perfection. Social media bombards us with posts showing what is considered the ‘the ideal’. But is it truly what we need?

Social Media is flooded with deep clean videos and thorough self-care routines; we watch videos of people getting up at five to go to their Pilates class or gym. We see these lives, or at least 30 seconds of them, and are entranced by it, pushing us to do more and be more, buy more, work more, exercise more, clean more, more, more more.

As a result, we are pushed to go further than we need to. The ideal image we have in our heads can take over, and we become controlled by ‘perfection’.

Defining Perfection

The concept of perfection has so many connotations and can mean so many different things to different people.

Philosopher William Rowe defined “a perfectly good being” as someone who is “maximally excellent in every action.” This means that everything they do is to the best of their ability. Although he was speaking morally, we can understand the principle—if we are going to do something, should we not do it at the greatest level we can?

Psychotherapist Jordan Conrad described perfection as an idea that exists personally in each individual. He states, “Perfection has to be anchored to what a particular person wants to themselves—it has to be anchored to their own meaning system.”

He says perfection can be altered based on other people’s definitions: “Too often people just accept what “perfection” is from someone else and try to replicate or emulate that—that’s a losing battle you wouldn’t ever want to win.”

^{_{Perfectionism comes in many forms, from seeming perfect on social media to obsessing over work. (Image: Shutterstock: Rumka Vodki)}}

Why do we aim to be “Perfect”?

Registered counselor Riley Brown says there are many reasons we aim for this ‘ideal’, including to maintain control.

“We Live in a Volatile and Chaotic World.”

(Riley Brown)

 People can aim for perfection to feel in control; in uncertain times, they believe that if they are perfect, they will be safe.

Social media

5AM: Wake up, drink one liter of water,

5:20AM: go to Pilates class

6AM: shower, wash hair

6.30AM: dry and style hair

6.45AM: skincare and makeup routine

7.30AM: Make organic smoothie

Social media is useful in many ways, but it can also be a beautiful illusion. We see intricate routines and detailed schedules, and we want to live like that, but it is often unattainable.

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Certain social media trends can also “boost” our need for perfection, such as the #thatgirl trend which promoted a productive lifestyle with a focus on looking clean and put together. It includes eating healthy, working out, and keeping a tidy space. While this trend does promote things we should aim for, such as generally taking care of ourselves, these goals may not always be realistic. Sometimes, our rooms are messy, and sometimes, we don’t do our 10-step skincare routine. Sometimes we’re just too tired.

And that’s okay.

“Social media and culture influences what we consider perfection.”

(Riley Brown)

Similarly, Brown stated that social media affects how we see ourselves and our lives. She says, “We might try to identify the perfect body, the perfect work routine, the perfect lifestyle or the perfect way to organize our life through influencers.”

^{(Image: Influencer making social media content: Shutterstock: Liana Nagieva)}

What other factors lead us to strive for perfection?

Brown noted that our social environment, including our childhood, family, friends, and peers, can also impact us. People can feel pressured or worry about the consequences of not reaching perfection.

“All these external influences can make us strive for what we logically know can never be achieved”.

Seeing people achieve around us – complimented and rewarded for their appearance or actions can make us feel less-than.

The Fine Line

There is growth and personal development. Then, there’s an unhealthy obsession. The fine line between growth (becoming a better, more happy you) and perfection (becoming the highest ideal) can become blurred, especially when you’re watching or listening to other people.

Conrad points this out, “It is difficult to demarcate precisely where “personal development” and “striving for perfection” come apart, but we’ll know it from our daily lives”.

Finding a happy medium is all about finding a definition or image of what both concepts mean. “Personal development is often self-focused,” Conrad explains “It involves listening to yourself and figuring out who you are and what you want”.

Perfection, on the other hand, focuses outward. It takes what others define as perfect and tries to replicate it.

“People who strive for ‘perfection’ are not actually interested in themselves – they are interested in what other people think about themselves.” (Jordan Conrad)

“Perception Management” – when you are focused on how other people are perceiving you

(Jordan Conrad)

The Harm of Being Perfect:

Aiming for an ideal is exhausting. We try, commit, and persist because we can often feel it will aim to self-fulfilment. In actuality, it drains us, and we can feel worse than what we wanted. We can lose track of other things that are more valuable and more rewarding – and left wondering why we don’t feel like we should. We think we’ll go to bed every night proud of what we succeeded in, proud of the lifestyle we chose and the image we created; we only feel tired, fed up, and dreading the next day.

“The aim for perfection is dangerous and harmful.”

(Riley Brown)

Setting unrealistic goals droughts our energy and creates a vicious loop in our mind. Consequently, it can impact mental health and contribute to anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.

Overcoming perfectionism

We have to accept uncertainty and whatever we may come. “We have to trust that whatever may occur in the future, we are smart enough and strong enough to handle it.

“One way we can overcome perfectionism is learning to tolerate uncertainty”. (Riley Brown)

@kristen.such How to overcome your perfectionism #healingyourperfectionism #toxicperfectionism #perfectionismtips #perfectionismsucks #perfectionismrecovery #perfectionismtips ♬ original sound – Kristen Such

Looking after yourself and doing what makes you feel calm and happy is always a good thing, whether it is exercise, eating healthy, or keeping our homes clean. Still, we all know sometimes it doesn’t work out. We can’t do everything and everything to its best every day. Life can be chaotic and messy. We can wake up with no energy and no motivation. That’s okay.