Having a boyfriend isn’t embarrassing when they actually put in the work to be with you. If your boyfriend doesn’t treat you as they should, THAT’S when it’s embarrassing.
The idea of love can be… Everything. The hand holding while you walk in the park. Lying your head on their shoulder on the bus or train. Their hand in the small of your back as you pass through a crowded hallway. However, actually experiencing love can be something very different, especially when your partner mistreats you.
Vogue recently published an article, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” In it, many women weighed in on posting their boyfriends and why they don’t. One person said, “Boyfriends are out of style. They won’t come back in until they start acting right.” But what is not ‘acting right’?
Why does having a boyfriend feel Republican?
One quote given to the Vogue article said, “Why does having a boyfriend feel Republican?” It would feel like that if your boyfriend only cares about himself. You may be asking yourself, “Well, how do I know if my boyfriend mistreats me?”
It may be hard to dissect what the norms of your relationship are and where the mistreatment comes in. Many people opt for more traditional relationships, one might do the more domestic work and the other brings home the money. This doesn’t mean this type of relationship is backwards or outdated; a traditional couple can be happy with these assigned roles and should not be judged.
One way to know if your boyfriend mistreats you is to pay attention to what he does to/for you. An example of this is you both work full-time jobs, but when you come home, he expects YOU to do all the cooking and cleaning. You ask him to simply put his clothes in the hamper and not on the floor. He doesn’t listen.
You ask him to clean the sink after he shaves his beard. He doesn’t listen. You ask him to put the seat down after he is done using the bathroom. He doesn’t listen. This is him being a bad boyfriend. While this is a mild case of mistreating you, it will build up.
This suggests that he does not listen to you or consider the work you already do. This is him being inconsiderate and not caring. You might continue asking, then you are ‘nagging him’. You will continue to get more frustrated if he continues not to listen. These simple tasks you are asking him to complete will build up and ultimately lead to you being more unhappy with your relationship.
Navigating social media while having a boyfriend
Stephanie Yeboah said posting about her boyfriend cost her hundreds of followers. She also said in the Vouge article,“There is something cringy and embarrassing about constantly posting your partner these days.”
If you enjoy using social media and have a partner you like, you will likely want to post about them. That is natural and should not be a source of embarrassment. If Instagram is something you love to use, and if your boyfriend is someone you want to post with, it is not embarrassing to have a boyfriend and post with them.
It’s embarrassing to tell your friends about this new boyfriend, and then when they see you in public, he doesn’t talk to you at all. Or he walks away, or he says you two aren’t together. Chances are, you are not important enough to them, which is embarrassing. It might be a stretch to say they hate you (in this scenario), but they are showing that they definitely do not care enough about you to avoid hurting your feelings.
Having a boyfriend is only embarrassing if they hates you, as that reflects on you. Whenever someone’s boyfriend publicly embarrasses them, I question their partner’s self-esteem. I ask why they would stay with someone who does not care about them. I question what happened in their lives that made them feel they needed to accept this. When you’re friends with an embarrassing boyfriend, having him on your social media will feel awkward or cringeworthy.
Having a boyfriend is only embarrassing if you continue letting him mistreat you. Don’t waste your life.
Women “can become more beige and watered-down online when in a relationship”
When you are unhappy in a relationship, you can lose your ‘spark’. Your light will slowly begin to dim. It might not be noticable at first, but the relationship will start to drain more and more of your energy. This can zap who you are and leave you as a one dimensional person.
A content creator, Sophie Milner, mentioned in the vouge article, “Being single gives you this ultimate freedom to say and do what you want. It is absolutely not every woman, but I do notice that we can become more beige and watered-down online when in a relationship – myself included.” This can be seen in people who allow their boyfriends to become their entire world.
Let’s say I followed someone because they showcase taking themselves on solo dates and exploring as a solo traveller. Now, they all of the sudden have added a boyfriend to their online content. They no longer post the fun places they are taking themselves. The color is slowly fading from their account – and I would also no longer want to follow them.
The issue here for me would be that they are no longer posting what I followed them for.
Examples of a embarrassing boyfriend.
Imagine you have told your boyfriend several times that you do not eat mushrooms. You aren’t allergic; you don’t like it. He loves mushrooms, so he orders a pizza with mushrooms. He doesn’t order half mushrooms; he doesn’t order a second pizza. Just what HE likes, what HE wants.
Sure, it might be a small thing. But it will build up. Now, add in him doing this in front of your friends, friends who KNOW you hate mushrooms. It isn’t very comfortable because people are witnessing him not caring about your likes.
Let’s increase the embarrassment level. Your boyfriend invites you as his plus one to a wedding. He says wear whatever. You wear whatever, and it turns out there is a STRICT dress code that he didn’t tell you about. A wedding is generally considered one of the best days of someone’s life. A guest dressed inappropriately will likely hurt the bride/ groom.
In this scenario, your boyfriend does not care enough to ensure he tells you all the information. Not only are you embarrassed at the wedding, but it goes online, and everyone is mad at YOU. (This actually happened, by the way). If your boyfriend CARED about you, he would make sure you were prepared and not in a position to be embarrassed – especially not publicly.
When your boyfriend cares about you, it’s not embarrassing. Sharing love is not uncomfortable. Posting someone you love is not embarrassing, regardless of what is currently trending.
Only BAD boyfriends are out of style
It can be difficult to leave someone you truly care about. It’s why people stay in ‘situationships’ where the other person refuses to acknowledge you in person. It’s why people hang on to being ‘on the down low’. Maybe they are holding out hope that their partner will change. However, having a partner who does not want to claim you is embarrassing!
Your boyfriend does not have to post about you; social media might not be important to you, but there needs to be a boundary set so that people know you are together. You do not deserve to be hidden, especially if you don’t want to be. Effort needs to be put in on both sides of the relationship. Love is not embarrassing. It is a wonderful thing to see. When your friends experience nice, safe, happy love, it makes them into better people.
However, when it’s a bad situation, everything is bland and grey. It is crucial that if you find yourself in a bad relationship, you leave. If you are asking yourself if it is time, trust your gut. The saying ‘when you know, you know’ is often true. Listen to your intuition.
