Take it from me! Being in a long-distance relationship can be hard, but not impossible. Here’s some advice on how to survive it.
7 months and 3 weeks. That’s how long my partner and I have known each other. March 3rd, 2025. A date that will never escape my memory (also, my birthday is the week after, so, admittedly, that helps a ton).
At the beginning of the year, for my “New Year’s Eve Resolution”, I decided to swear off men. The days of “situationships”, yearning, and seeking male validation were past me.
I sought to evolve. To become something more than my desire to find comfort in another — a feeling that many gay men can relate to. This decision and timing coincided perfectly because soon after, I boarded a plane & spent six months of my life in London, England. A place full of opportunity, excitement, and self-discovery.
My first two months living in the city of royalty and big red buses were filled with self-love, the ethos of my resolution. I traveled to other countries, went to jam-packed nightclubs, and started viewing the world in ways I never thought possible. The focus I had so long dedicated to men became nonexistent.
That was until I met him.
Him, Me, Us
Now, I’ll try to keep this part of the piece short.
My aim today is to tell you about my experience and bestow advice to those willing to take it. But, let it be known! I could write an entire soliloquy, haiku, or whatever overly long and dramatic heart-filled piece on how I feel about him.
What I will say, though, is that he came into my life when I least expected. Life has a funny way of giving you what you want when you stop looking for it. May not be exactly how you imagined, but sometimes that’s what makes it even better.
Getting to know each other felt easy. Something I had never felt before. After our initial meeting, we became inseparable. Went on a multitude of dates, started calling one another daily, and eventually, I would spend more nights in his bed than in my dorm twin-size bed, which started to feel unfamiliar. He made time for me, an action that I noticed right away; this would make me fall for him even faster.
As months passed, he and I both knew our time together was finite. It was a looming presence that hung over our heads like a rain cloud. In the beginning, we weren’t sure what would come from our burgeoning relationship. However, it became evident the month before I had to leave that we were heading towards being boyfriends. This revelation would lead us into deep conversations and confronting the reality of our options. Either breakup and keep in touch or take the leap and keep our relationship alive through the distance.
You can probably guess the option chosen.
A leap of faith
We both understood the commitment we were making by doing this. The lonely nights, the difference in time zones, and the trust we had to place in one another. It was daunting. Especially for me. As a gay guy from the south, I didn’t experience relationships the same way my straight peers did. He would be my second ever boyfriend, the first one being a guy I briefly dated sophomore year of high school.
It’s already hard enough navigating a new relationship, let alone one that is long-distance.
I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge. In my life, I’ve always achieved and gotten what I wanted solely through stubbornness and pure determination. This felt no different. Many people are skeptical of long-distance relationships (which will now be referred to as LDR), and for good reason. If the two people in an LDR aren’t fully committed or open to the hardships that come, it can be difficult. It’s not for everyone. However, I am not everyone. I decide what I can and can not handle. Him entering my life felt like a sign of sorts. Prior to us ever speaking I had already made the decision to come back to the university I was doing study abroad at. So, an LDR didn’t feel impossible. It would be for a year, a time frame I could handle. Meeting him felt like a message from the universe —
Who was I to ignore it?
Going the distance
According to an article from Her Campus, college relationships mostly comprised of Gen Z students, 32.5% are in an LDR. A figure I find pretty comforting, considering the rise of hookup culture and low emphasis on settling down.
Now, I am not a defender of monogamy or “settling down”. Personally, I think everyone should experience being single and meeting as many people as they can. Especially while young. This allows you to discover what you like in a person, what you find acceptable, and lets you be confident that you’re not “missing out” on anything when you do enter a relationship. It’s important that you feel confident in your choice when being with someone, even more in an LDR.
With this in mind, my partner and I developed rules to help adjust to our new predicament.
A few of them are as follows:
- The daily “Good Morning” text
- The LunchTime phone call ( My work lunch is at 1 p.m. EST, and he’s done with work by 6 p.m. GMT)
- “Sunday, our day”
- Plan ahead
Notice how I used the word “rules” instead of “tips”?
Of course, some of these are flexible. If he’s busy or I’m swamped, our lunchtime phone call might take a backseat. “Sunday, our day”, might turn into a catch-up day. We both attend college and have jobs. Life happens. However, these rules exist not to control but to provide structure. Something that, if not implemented, can contribute to the downfall of LDRs.
Here’s a tip
Currently, I’d like to dedicate this time to sharing personal tips, not just from me, but also from my partner. This collection of advice is something we have found to work and keep the spark alive, even when thousands of miles apart.
- Prioritize The Future: Oftentimes, it’s easy to feel trapped in the present. The sadness you feel while being apart. We’ve found that focusing on your future goals, whether it’s school, work, or hobbies, is a great way to pass the time while maintaining your autonomy.
- Monogamy or Open Relationship: Let’s face it. Being apart poses challenges; emotionally, mentally, and physically. It’s important to know early on where you and your partner stand on the physical aspect. Just like an LDR, being in an open relationship requires trust. It doesn’t work for all couples, my partner and I being an example of that. Whatever decision is made, ensure clear lines are drawn.
- Be Extra: It’s hard to show love through little actions while being apart. That’s why it’s important to be “extra” about your affection in an LDR. Send flowers to another, order your partner’s favorite dish to their door, and be more vocal than usual in how you feel about them. This lets both parties know that the other cares and ensures neither is doing more than the other.
- Plan Visits: Now, this tip, of course, is dependent on financial situations. Because of who I am, I can’t go more than a couple of months without seeing my partner in person. Making sure to plan mini visits in between your time apart helps drastically and reminds you how committed you both are to each other. Use apps like Skyscanner to compare flight prices! (Make sure to use the app to compare, but order tickets from the actual airline)
- Parallel Play: Talking with your partner doesn’t have to be an event. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to put them on FaceTime, set them up somewhere, and clean your room. Parallel Play gives you both the chance to exist and be boring, something that most couples can do when physically together. As I write this, my partner is playing the video game Battlefield and yelling at strangers.
- Address the Hard Stuff: Don’t let the uncomfortable go unsaid. In times of anxiousness, sadness, and uncertainty, talk. Be honest about how you feel. Silence and unsaid emotions can deteriorate any relationship, near or distant.
- Have an End Date: For the final tip, have an end date that closes the distance. LDR couples who have survived their time apart note that having a time frame provides hope that they will make it.
To infinity and beyond
Hopefully, by now, you’ve surmised that being in an LDR is hard but not impossible.
A survey done by the New York Post found that 60% of long-distance relationships last!
55% of participants claimed that being in an LDR helped them feel closer to their partner. 69% felt they spoke to their partners more while being apart, and 81% said being apart made real-life visits more special and intimate. So you see? It’s not a strange concept. Many couples have and are doing it — that means you can too.
“Living life on Life’s terms” means that you accept the circumstances and savor and protect the love you’ve found, however initially “inconvenient”. That’s Love’s deal; it might give you Mr. Right, but it doesn’t promise Mr. Right Next Door.
Ken Howard, LCSW, CST
I know what I’m doing, the commitment I made. It will all be worth it in the end. Who knows what the future has in store? What I do know is that I am not bound by fear, and in the end, I have more than just my partner; I have a community.
And so do you.
Reddit, TikTok, and Instagram are just some of the spaces where those in an LDR can find community.
Reach out to them & know you’re not alone.
