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Guy’s Awful Tinder Date Culminates In Rescue Operation

Don’t kayak on the first date…

Don't kayak on the first date...
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You get all sorts of bad Tinder dates. Those awkward dinner outings where both people have nothing in common, except their looks maybe (which is the shallow purpose of Tinder), and the evening fizzles into horrific silence. And then there’s those other dates – you know the ones – in which you wind up stranded on an island and your family believe you deceased. Yeah, those ones are a pain.

Here’s the story from the guy, himself, posted on Reddit:

This happened yesterday. I’ll start off with my background using tinder. I find it entertaining. I enjoy trying to find different ways of opening up a conversation, seeing which ways work out the best. Until yesterday I had never actually met anyone on tinder in my year or so of having it; this was my first (and likely my last) tinder experience.

So, I am staying with my family in the Florida Keys for the summer, trying to save up some spending money for my next year of college. I matched with this girl on Friday and she messaged me saying that she remembers me from a long time ago, I didn’t remember her but she knew one of my brothers and said that he and her sister were friends back in the day. So I started talking to her and she asked me after a few messages if I wanted to go kayaking with her the following day. I said “Sure! I love kayaking.” I figured I might as well, given that I do not own a kayak myself and I had that day off of work with nothing else to do.

I arrived at her house at 6 pm the following day, which was about two hours before sunset. She told me that was her favorite time of day for kayaking and that there was a little Island with a beach that was right near her house which which was really nice to paddle out to.

We talked for a couple minutes before we took off. I was not really interested in the girl after talking to her. Her pictures were misleading and she didn’t strike me as my type personality wise. I thought we would just take out the kayaks, I would tell her I enjoyed meeting her and be on my way.

Unfortunately I fucked up, and things did not turn out so simple. My biggest fuck up was that I did not bring my cell phone, I was worried about it getting wet or lost so I did not bother, given that it was such a short trip also.

Her house was on the ocean facing the Atlantic. We kayaked maybe ten minutes across very shallow water about two and a half feet deep. During the trip I asked her if she knew whether the tide was going in or coming out. Sounding very sure of herself she said “Coming in, I have never seen it this shallow before.” I didn’t trust her, I told her I thought we shouldn’t risk it but she claimed it would be fine, and that she had been there plenty of times. So I continued on; which was my second fuckup.

We get to the Island and walk around. It was a nice spot with a nice view of the ocean. I enjoyed the scenery. The sun was very close to setting so I told her we should head back before it does. She agrees and we walk back to where our kayaks are parked to find that the flat we kayaked on before was now in about 15 inches of water, in other words there was no way to get back without walking across a bunch of coral and shit and risking possibly stepping on a singray or something.

So at this point I had no other option but to wait there with this girl until the tide came back in a bit, which would be a few hours at least. I decided to make the best out of the time and have a nap while I waited.

I asked her to wake me up when it looked like we could kayak back. Instead what I get woken up to is a coast guard helicopter flying out in the ocean and her telling me that her mom whom I did not even know knew that we were out on kayaks probably called them to look for us. Somehow they didn’t see us waving our arms to try and let them know we were alright, we had to wait until it was time to kayak back.

Just before one o clock the water was finally deep enough to make it back.

When we arrive back at her house is where things get really shitty, her mom is there obviously drunk along with three police officers with flashlights shining them at us as we kayaked back in. The cops asked where we had been and I explained to them what had happened.

Apparently the girls mom told the cops that she thought we were lost out at sea and that one of the kayaks had a leak in it. Which wasn’t even true. The mom was hysterical and not thinking clearly about the situation, only considering the worst possible case; perhaps because of her drunkenness, perhaps not.

Once the girls mom told the deputies my name from looking at my drivers license which was left alongside my cell phone outside the house; the cops who all know my dad because he is also a cop, send an officer to my house at midnight while my parents are sleeping and wake them up.

Worst part is that the officer told my parents the story that the girls mom told them. She started crying and panicking and for about an hour and a half she thought that I was lost at sea in the middle of the night on a sinking kayak. My mom called all of my siblings and told them right away, so my whole family was thinking that I was done for.

Needless to say I would rate this tinder experience with Zero stars if I could.

Personally, especially as it’s a Reddit post, I think this was fabricated with fifteen minutes of viral fame in mind, but hey, you never know. In any case, it’s not particularly well written. Make of it what you will, though.

Oh, well, at least it’s a happy ending for all the athletes using Tinder.

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