In the era of online dating and social media, ghosting has become a rite of passage in the Gen Z dating scene. While the idea of “ghosting” in a relationship has been around forever, online dating has made it significantly easier. Now, people can ghost you with a single click, leaving you wondering what to do next.
Most Gen Z daters are probably at least familiar with the term “ghosting”. However, if it is your first time experiencing it for yourself, it can be a little bit confusing.
Ghosting 101
Ghosting is the act of cutting off all communication with somebody you previously spoke to regularly. If you find that someone has stopped responding to all your texts and phone calls, then they might be ghosting you.
If you’ve been ghosted, don’t think it is a reflection of your worth. Anybody can be ghosted for any reason. Even the biggest pop star in the world, Taylor Swift, has admitted to being ghosted. If you’ve become a part of the ghosted group, you’re in good company.
Ghosting can happen at any stage of a relationship. The most common time when someone will ghost you is during the casual phase. Maybe you have been texting regularly and might have even gone on a few dates. However, it can also happen much later under more extreme circumstances. You may have been in a long-term relationship with someone who just disappeared from your life. While your experience might differ from others’, they all follow the same principles.
Why did they do it
If you have the unfortunate experience of being ghosted, try not to take it too personally. There are many reasons why someone might decide to ghost you, and most of them don’t have anything to do with you.
We’ve all probably heard the expression “right person, wrong time” at some point in our lives. This is definitely true in the case of someone ghosting you. Sometimes, a person might have a real connection with you, but they aren’t emotionally available for a relationship. In this case, they might ghost you because they don’t want the pressure of ending things and hurting your feelings.
Another reason might be that they just wanted to avoid potential conflict. Maybe the person didn’t feel a romantic connection with you. That doesn’t mean they think you’re a bad person. They might just be ghosting you because they are anxious about communicating the way they feel.
It is also a possibility that the person just doesn’t care about your feelings. They might choose ghosting, not to avoid hurting your feelings, but because it is an easy option to cut ties with somebody you don’t have feelings for. In this case, is that really somebody you would want a long-term relationship with anyway? Most of the reasons people ghost have more to do with their internal struggles than anything you’ve done.
Being upset is normal
If you feel devastated after someone ghosts you, you aren’t overreacting. Being upset after getting ghosted is a totally normal and completely human experience. It can be extremely difficult to end a romantic connection with someone suddenly.
When you experience any sort of breakup, you are mourning the loss of that person in your life. Not only are you replaying the memories you had together, but you are also grieving your unseen future together. The sudden nature of ghosting can exacerbate these feelings, causing you to have a more intense immediate reaction. The most important thing to do during this phase is to understand that there is an end to the hurt.
Give up the ghost
The first step to moving on after getting ghosted is to allow yourself the space and time to be upset. Let your emotions out in whatever way is best for you. This might be in the form of journaling, venting to a friend, or even just turning on some sad music and letting the tears flow. If none of these outlets seems to work for you, then you can always talk with a therapist. It is absolutely essential to feel your emotions rather than pushing them down. The sooner you address your feelings, the better off you will be.
Another difficulty that comes with ghosting is the lack of closure. Some people crave the “final fight” in a breakup where they can put everything on the table before ending things. When someone ghosts you, they make this impossible. It leaves many of your questions unanswered, which naturally leads to a lot of discomfort. Try your best to accept the fact that you will likely never have your questions answered, but you also don’t need them to. Find closure within yourself. Being able to accept that the relationship ended for a reason and that it no longer fulfills you is an important step in moving on.
Once you have allowed yourself the time to express your feelings, you can turn your energy toward the future. This can be with self-care, friends and family, or romantic relationships. Do your best to figure out where you are in your healing process. If you need more time before pursuing another relationship, maybe it is best to focus on some of your personal hobbies or spend time with friends. On the other hand, you might be fully ready to jump back into the dating pool; this is also great. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it is something that you are getting enjoyment out of.
Preventing future ghostings
If you are ready to pursue another relationship, you probably want to avoid falling into a similar situation again. Luckily, there is something you can do to avoid getting ghosted again: communicate. Ghosting in relationships is a clear example of a lack of communication between people. The best way to avoid it is to clearly communicate your intentions and feelings from the beginning. As long as you are on the same page as the other person, they are significantly less likely to ghost you.
Prioritize understanding over affection. It is much better to understand someone’s motivations than to just show shallow affection for each other. Not only will this help you with your communication, but it will make you both feel more connected to one another.
Ghosting may be the end of a chapter of your life, but it isn’t the end of the story. Remember that with every ending, there is a new opportunity waiting for you somewhere else.
