2024: Year of the Pathetic Man

Pop culture had a memorable year in 2023. It was a great year for Taylor Swift, the Grimace Shake, affluent people, edibles and folks with “old money” blonde hair. More importantly, it was full of unforgettable hits onscreen. The summer of Barbenheimer and the winter of The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. 2023 was the year of the Blonde Man. 2024 is the year of the Pathetic Man.

In 2023, you could throw a rock and hit a hot blonde dude in a film. Last year saw iconic blonde guys like Ken (Ryan Gosling), Coriolanus Snow (Tom Blyth), Joe Rantz (Callum Turner) and even some of the Von Erichs in The Iron Claw. In 2024 however, it isn’t about what a boy looks like, but how pathetic he is.

2024’s hottest onscreen trend is shaping up to be having a truly pathetic boyfriend. The Pathetic Man can be loosely defined as a man that will do anything for his partner, even (and especially) to the degree of humiliation. These are guys that will totally wreck their own game for a mere glance. I mean, a google search of the term pulls this up before anything else:

For too long have ladies been made to feel singlehandedly responsible for bending over backwards to maintain a relationship. In 2024, men in film and TV are splitting the bill to great fan success. In the last six months, the people have spoken and they love a braindead lover boy.

Here’s a list of the top seven certified most pathetic fellas of the year so far:

1. Asher Siegel in The Curse

A dark horse in the running for biggest loser on this list is Asher (Nathan Fielder). Showtime’s The Curse was created for the screen by Benny Safdie and Fielder himself. Further, the show stars both men and 2023’s biggest star, Emma Stone.

The Curse is about bumbling newlywed millennial slumlords Asher and Whitney (Stone) making their pilot season of an HGTV show. As they gentrify a small town in New Mexico with the ugliest eco-friendly homes you’ve ever seen, Asher thinks that he has accidentally gotten them cursed by a young local girl. Everything in their lives starts to spiral out of control.

The show closely follows the Siegels being the worst people Showtime has ever created and their really bizarre sex life. Asher would do anything for Whitney, no matter how insane her demand. He lies, cheats, steals and masturbates his way through this ten-episode series, in hopes to win her affection. Truly, this is the most uncomfortable, gross fever-dream of a show you may ever see with a pathetic man as the focus.

2. The Creature in Lisa Frankenstein

Screenwriter and frequent pathetic man-creator Diablo Cody knew exactly what she was doing with Lisa Frankenstein. In the film, a Romantic pianist buried in a bachelors’ cemetery (Cole Sprouse) is revived by a freak lightning storm. He puts all of his zombie time and energy into wooing the weird girl, Lisa, that maintained his grave (Kathryn Newton).

The Creature becomes Lisa’s pet project who she tries to restore to his more human brilliance using her stepsister’s tanning bed. Lisa doesn’t bat an eyelash at him while she pursues other, living boys at her high school. Until the third act of the film, the mute Creature is only a partner in literal crime to her. That, and the guy that holds Lisa’s vibrator when her hands get tired.

This guy came back from the dead to simp, okay? What’s more pathetic than that?

3. Jack Delroy in Late Night with the Devil

Now, Mr. Delroy is not as straightforward as Lisa’s Creature, but he is undeniably pathetic.

In 2024’s surprise hit Late Night with the Devil, Jack Delroy (David Dastmalchian), is a 1970s late night talkshow host that sells his soul to an unknown entity for success. Jack’s success came at the ultimate cost: the loss of his actress wife, Madeline, to lung cancer.

The film goes to great pains to show that Jack and Madeline are so very in love. This makes her loss cost him so much more. Jack’s troubles are that while he is charismatic, he will do anything anyone tells him to do. He is blinded by success and folds too easily. He is the truly tragic Romeo on this list since he inadvertently harms everyone he loves on the path to so-called success. Late Night with the Devil will no doubt be remembered as one of the top horror movies of the year.

4. Colt Seavers in The Fall Guy

Since discovering Ryan Gosling can kick it as a blonde in Barbie (2023), The Fall Guy understood the assignment. The Fall Guy is the most charming movie I have ever seen. Ryan Gosling dazzles as down-on-his-luck stuntman, Colt Seavers.

Colt is forced out of stuntguy retirement after a major injury. The reason for leaving retirement? The only thing he would leave retirement for! Colt receives a request to work on the set of his sort-of-ex-girlfriend, Jody’s (Emily Blunt), first Hollywood directing gig. Colt, through no fault of his own, is tasked with returning the film’s leading man (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) to the set after he falls in with a bad crowd.

Our poor stuntguy, Colt, manages work, pleasure and trying to finish a hot cup of coffee as the fate of his girl’s movie and their relationship rests on his shoulders. And he has to look hot while doing it. And take care of his new found stuntdog, Jean-Claude. No pressure, though.

The Fall Guy is not only a testament to how critical stunt performers are to the industry, but also to how far this love-sick loser is willing to go for love. Never will there be a pathetic loverboy film quite like The Fall Guy. Or Ryan Gosling in general.

5. Colin Bridgerton in Bridgerton Season 3

Colin (Luke Newton) is back from his travels and truly better than he ever was in this season of Bridgerton.

Whist away, Colin lost his sort-of standoffish exterior and swapped it for straight-up charm and a stylish, grown-up new look. Fans are pleased that the core of his character has stayed the same with some exciting character growth. According to Bridgerton contributor, Rachel Turner, Colin’s gained a new worldly “comfortably around women.” She goes on to say that Colin maintains all of his boyish, goofy charm and eccentricities, he just, well, “fucks” now.

Colin’s pathetic-ness is shown through the relationship he has with Penelope Featherington (Nicola Coughlan). After a disaster of a fall out between the two at the end of season 2, and the litany of letters Penelope has received throughout Colin’s travels, she ends up with him under her thumb. She can summon his attention with the tilt of a head, or even a glance. Penelope says jump and Colin says how high?

6. Art Donaldson in Challengers

This list would not be possible without the most popular pathetic man of 2024, Art Donaldson (Mike Faist) in Challengers, the hottest movie of the year with the lamest of boys. The internet was absolutely taken with the best pair of puppy dog eyes we’ve ever seen on gorgeous Art Donaldson.

It isn’t that Art is without agency. On the contrary, he is comfortable throwing up smokescreens of deceit, carefully wrapped up in how pathetic he is as a ploy. The ultimate weaponized incompetence comes from arguably the most competent character in the film, hidden behind a crooked smile and a tennis racket.

Art battles for dominance against his ex-best friend, Patrick Zweig (Josh O’Connor). Art’s wife and coach, Tashi (Zendaya), has got a grip over everything Art does. He seems to be mostly okay with it too. He pushed Patrick out of the way to gain that much needed attention from Tashi. Art spends much of the movie on his knees for Tashi, literally and figuratively. He lets Patrick and Tashi think they’re controlling the game, but pulls some strings from behind their backs.

But how could a cute little boy be capable of something like that? Art is happy to be Patrick and Tashi’s lapdog. As long as he gets his say in too.

7. Joe Goldberg in YOU Season 5

Though not out yet, YOU’s final season is set to release later this year. Everyone’s favorite erotomaniac, Joe Goldberg (Penn Badgley) is back one last time to ruin someone’s life. After California, Paris, New England and actual England, Joe is set to return at long last to New York City.

Joe, the king of pathetic men, is a just an awful guy, but he is somehow so lovable. He’s great with kids, he’s got great taste in music and movies, he’s a hopeless romantic, he’s a rare book dealer! I mean, come on! Who cares if he kills people once in a while to protect his relationship with his girlfriend?

Netflix and Badgley teased that Joe’s loose ends have come back to haunt him in season 5. Potentially one of the biggest loose ends from way back in season 1: Dr. Nicky (John Stamos). All of their teasers so far have included characters Joe intentionally or accidentally screwed with. Maybe going back to NYC isn’t a good move for Mr. Goldberg…

What’s Up Next?

Looking for more upcoming pathetic men in 2024. Here are my predictions for some upcoming pathetic guys:

1) Nobody Wants This starring Adam Brody and Kristen Bell is Netflix’s upcoming romance series about a charming young Rabbi. 2) A Complete Unknown, Timothée Chalamet’s Bob Dylan biopic which is nearly done filming, promises some background into the iconic relationship between Bob Dylan and Joan Baez (played by Elle Fanning). 3) Even further ahead, Stranger Things season 5 is right around the corner next year. It promises, well, Steve Harrington. Enough said.