In a world full of shitty first dates this might literally be the shittiest.
You’ve been there, I’ve been there, everyone who has entered the dating world knows the horror of being on a bad first date. Luckily for the internet though, Tinder has made for some extremely unfortunate yet hysterical first dates. Especially with this nightmare.
Bristol man Liam Smyth recently met up with a woman he met on Tinder for a meal at Nandos. Eventually the two make it back to his home for a movie & champagne. The seemingly good start takes a disturbing turn for the worse once she goes to the bathroom. In his own words…
“”I went for a poo in your toilet”, she told me “and it would not flush. I don’t know why I did this, but I panicked”, she continued “I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window”.
I was understandably concerned, and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened. Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, seperated from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window. It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo.”
Clearly in a crazy awkward situation, the man tries to stay calm and contacts his roommates about what to do. The woman, however, took the matters into her own hands.
“Being an amateur gymnast, she was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out, using the tried and tested “inside out blag as glove” technique. Unfortunately she couldn’t reach. She climbed further in and had the same problem. Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window. She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came. She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap.
Unfortunately for my date, at this stage I could see only one way out of our predicament. She had been upside down in the window for around 15 minutes at this point, and I was starting to grow concerned for her health. I called the fire brigade.
Bristol’s finest were on scene sirens blairing in a matter of minutes. Once they had composed themselves after surveying the scene in front of them, they set to work removing my date from the window using all of their special firemen hammers and tools. It took them about 15 minutes.”
Although the women got out safely, she made quite the lasting impact on the man’s window. The firemen had to destroy the turd filled window, which costed the man with a hefty amount. Thus, he created a Gofundme page to share his story in hopes to replace the damage. He is well over his £200 goal amount (total of £2,690 at the time I wrote this) but go over to his page for the complete story and to donate.
This is just pure insanity packed into comedy gold. It’s got a little bit of everything. Romance, poop, someone needing to be saved, and the beauty of the internet all rolled into one.
If this has peeked your interest into disastrous Tinder dates, check out the one that ended in a rescue mission.