Self-love is not a straight, easy path—it’s messy, non-linear, and often tangled up in self-doubt and negativity. We can be our own worst critics. But learning to accept and love yourself is one of the most powerful foundations for a healthy mind.
The way you think and feel towards yourself has a significant impact on your mental health. Some diagnoses, like Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), for example, seem impossible to manage when it comes to negative thoughts. But it is possible to redirect those thoughts.
As a 21-year-old woman with BPD, I’ve learned that self-love and personal acceptance are essential. No matter where you are on your journey through life, learning to love yourself will help you along.
What is True Self Love?
Understanding what self-love truly means is a challenge many, if not all, face. To truly understand self-love, it is important to know what personal acceptance looks like.
Ottavia Lepera is a curve model and entrepreneur who uses social media to reach out to women of all ages about love and acceptance. In a conversation with Ottavia, I learned that self-love is a mindset—one that requires consistent effort and patience.
Self love means showing up for yourself in every season. It’s about choosing yourself even when it seems difficult. Honouring your boundaries, and embracing who you are without an apology. Pump the breaks on comparison and focus on the lane you’re in.
Ottavia Lepera
Spencer Barbosa is a TikTok influencer who uses her platform to model personal acceptance. She encourages women to celebrate their authentic selves—flaws and all—reminding us that authenticity is beautiful!
Spencer advocates that mental health should be a priority, encouraging that loving yourself leads to a happy, healthy mindset. No individual is the same mentally or physically, and that is beautiful! If we were all the same, the world would be a pretty boring place!
Ottavia and Spencer are able to spread positivity and impact their following because they love themselves first. Both influencers have reached success and happiness through understanding self-love.
Myths About Self-Love
Self-love is often misunderstood. People might assume it’s selfish, narcissistic, or self-indulgent. But true self-love is about respect, boundaries, and self-awareness.
One common myth is that loving yourself means never having negative thoughts or bad days—but that’s not true. Self-love means acknowledging those hard moments and choosing kindness over criticism.
Another misconception is that self-love only comes once you “fix” yourself. The truth is that you can love yourself as you are, even while you’re still healing.
Self-Love and BPD
Self-love looks different to everyone. Those who struggle with BPD often face identity disturbance. A core symptom is when a person struggles to grasp a stable sense of self. This can feel like not knowing who you really are, like a stranger inside your body.
Here are some ways to practice self-love with BPD:
- Setting boundaries by respecting your emotional and mental limits
- Practicing mindfulness and other regulation skills
- Showing up for yourself by giving yourself grace on the hard days
- Redirecting negative thoughts into positive affirmations
For those with BPD, these self-love skills become powerful tools in the healing process.
Why Being Compassionate Towards Yourself Matters
Practicing personal acceptance is key to maintaining a positive mindset, and a positive mind is a more productive, peaceful one. As someone who lives with BPD, I’ve learned that many of my emotional triggers can be managed—or even prevented—by showing myself compassion.
Self-love is an essential nutrient in our lives. Without self-love, opportunities set in for unhealthy tendencies, such as self-destructive relationship patterns, codependency, people-pleasing, addictions, and self-sabotage.
Megan Logan, MSW, LCSW, Self-Love Workbook for Women
Managing life as a young woman with BPD has become much easier since I began actively working on my self-love journey. My focus at work and school—and my relationships with loved ones—have all improved significantly now that I lead with compassion and a more positive mindset.
Self-Love in Action
Taking the first steps on your journey to self-love may feel overwhelming! The good news is, you’re not alone on this journey. Everyone you meet is on their path. Ottavia suggests starting with honesty and allowing space for your feelings.
Try things like: journaling, positive affirmations, attending therapy, saying “no” without attaching guilt, choosing rest, and surrounding yourself with people who see and celebrate you-it is a journey not a destination.
Ottavia Lepera
Things that have worked for me:
- Using self-love workbooks and journaling to reflect and grow
- Saying one thing I love about myself to my reflection each day
- Redirecting negative thoughts and self-criticism into positive affirmations
- Prioritizing my own needs before helping others
- Listening to my mental and emotional warning signs—like exhaustion—and allowing myself to rest
Take the First Step
Self-love is at the heart of healing—whether you’re navigating BPD like I am, dealing with anxiety or depression, or simply managing the stress of everyday life. Living in a compassionate head space is more productive and forgiving, making triggers or tasks less stressful!
Self-love is what allows us to forgive ourselves, to heal from past wounds, and to stop seeking validation from the outside. It keeps us grounded and reminds us of our worth when life gets messy. Healing truly begins with self-love.
Ottavia Lepera
Self-Love Starter Toolkit
Not knowing where or how to even start on loving yourself is valid. I was in this position not long ago. Here are a few things to get you started, a beginner’s toolkit if you will:
- A journal, notebook, or even your notes app on your phone to reflect on your feelings
- A daily affirmation note that you can see every day, either on your phone screen or on the mirror where you get ready in the morning
- A boundaries list where you can write out a list of your emotional, mental, and physical limits
- A permission slip, writing notes to yourself like, “I am allowed to heal. I am allowed to rest.”
- A daily morning or evening walk to clear your mind and release some serotonin to boost your mood.
Embrace the Journey
The journey to self-love is not without its obstacles—learning how to love yourself won’t happen overnight, and that is okay. Expect mishaps along the way and be kind and forgiving towards yourself when they occur.
Everyone has insecure days or moments, and you will, too. When that happens, accept it and embrace it, but don’t mellow in it.
Self-love takes patience and effort, but the first step can be as simple as saying, “I am proud of myself for getting out of bed today,” and knowing that you’re not alone.
