Self-Care Isn’t Something You Can Buy Off Instagram

What do you think of when you think of self-care? A long bath, sleeping in, buying yourself a $7 matcha latte because you deserve it. Maybe a hot-girl walk listening to your favorite podcast or journaling in bed at night.

Self-care differs from person to person, and at its core, should be a practice that supports your mind, body, and spirit. 

“Self-care” has been a buzzword on the rise for years—so much so that it has transformed into an entirely new concept. Now it’s not just about cooking a warm meal at home; it’s buying designer bags, staying out all night, and ignoring phone calls.

When “Self-Care” Becomes an Excuse

Have you ever had a friend come home with a widely irresponsible purchase only to justify it as something that makes them happy? How many times have we each told ourselves that staying out all night dancing is healthy because it’s fun, or that it’s okay to blow off friends and loved ones because we ‘need to protect our peace’?

These could all easily be explained away by simply stating it was some much-needed self-care. Most of us listening would all nod understandingly—of course it was. We all deserve that. 

Now before you come for me, these are all examples of self-care! Money is meant to be spent on things that bring you joy, life is for dancing and watching sunrises, and sometimes taking time away from those close to you can be the best thing you can do for a relationship. But we need to be more critical of the reasons we tell ourselves and understand just how much we’re conditioned to rationalize our behavior if it aligns with a bigger agenda.

How Capitalism Hijacked Self-Care

Capitalism!—sorry, jump scare. And I mean Capitalism with a capital C. Now, I understand we must have a functioning economy, so don’t come for me while I roll out this hot take. Capitalism has a way of controlling us, especially in how it loves to monopolize our time, effort, and desires. 

Capitalism will take any beautiful, joyous, and inspiring aspect of the human experience and slap a price tag on it, convincing us it’s no longer within reach.

Self-care is no different—just think of social media. How many videos do you see of people showing off their ten-step self-care routine: wake up and journal (link to journal in bio!), cook a healthy breakfast made with organic ingredients (and don’t forget to comment below for the recipe!), put on Lululemon’s new sweat set (link in my Amazon storefront!), and so on. 

Even waking up has become a chore. If you’ve seen any of the ‘morning shed’ videos on social media, you’ve watched women peel off masks, eye patches, chin straps, and mouth tape—believing these rituals will make them look younger and more beautiful.

Why do we see videos like this and feel like we need the expensive journal, the organic avocado, the brand-new sweats, the chin strap (like really)?

For one, I think humans are hard-wired to want more things. But more than that, I think the world feels verrrry overwhelming right now. A lot of us feel extremely out of control, anxious, scared, and not sure what to hold onto. If someone is telling us the solution is as simple as buying something, why wouldn’t you? And I write this as a girl with a nightstand full of journals, many of which I’ve ordered off Instagram. 

Self-care as a concept has monetary value— millions, even billions—and the more desperate we become to figure out how to feel okay, this number will only climb higher.

Reclaiming Self-Care: What Actually Works

Self-care is a birthright. Taking care of yourself is just as much a part of being alive and human as breathing. We unfortunately live in a time where simply existing has become commodified, so it’s hard to tell what’s already ours and what we have to pay for. 

Start by identifying what actually makes you feel good, not just what you think should. Don’t connect with journaling? No worries. Baths just make you sweaty and uncomfortable? Good to know. Self-care is whatever you do to nourish your body and soul. With that said, there are a few proven methods that seem to resonate with most people—if you want a jumping-off point.

Eating whole foods, getting sunshine on your face, moving your body, and giving yourself a little extra grace in these trying times are great places to start. Oftentimes taking the first step is the most challenging, especially if you’re putting pressure on yourself, so try a few different things and see what sparks curiosity. 

I would like to add that binge-watching the new season of Love Is Blind can also be self-care—and I myself indulge whenever there are new episodes— but it has to come from a place of guilt-free love so you can truly relax and not beat yourself up later for being ‘lazy’. That leads me to my next point—loving yourself! Sorry, another jump scare.

The Hardest—and Most Important—Self-Care of All

The most powerful act of self-care you can do is loving yourself so deeply, and being so comfortable in who you are, that the world and other people in it no longer bother you. As beautiful as that sounds, it’s some of the hardest, most gruelling work you’ll ever do.

When we get angry or triggered by someone else’s behavior, we often go on the defensive, feeling victimized. Not to get too heady, but what bothers us in others usually points to something within ourselves we’re upset about—or, maybe, secretly envious of.

I don’t need to cite statistics to make the statement that mental health struggles are, and have been, on the rise. I believe this is due, one, to the destigmatization of mental health making space for people to speak up about their experiences. And two, the fact that the world is on fire, the headlines read like an episode of Black Mirror, and we’re so absorbed in social media that we’re losing touch with real connection—especially the one to ourselves.

We like to believe, myself included, that bubble baths, the occasional walk outside, or cooking at home on a Friday night will fix us. And they don’t hurt! But imagine that bath accompanied by an entire bottle of red wine, that walk distracted by scrolling through your phone, or that meal at home eaten inches from a screen you’ve already been glued to for hours.

Self-care has, in some ways, become an excuse to live out habits that aren’t actually doing much for us. Behaviors that disguise themselves as care but are, in reality, just more distractions, preventing us from creating the mental clarity needed to understand what we truly need.

A Challenge: Face Yourself First

Here is something to try, as uncomfortable as it sounds. Make eye contact with yourself in the mirror uninterrupted for five minutes. Give your mind and body a chance to tell you what it needs. A moment to really see yourself and listen. 

I recently had a birthday and planned a whole day just for myself, but when I woke up, I felt a lump the size of a grapefruit sitting in my throat. It felt like I was choking. I didn’t know what to do— too overwhelmed to face the emotion, I did what so many of us do: lay on the couch wrapped in a blanket with the TV on. I felt paralyzed, unable to move for hours.

Eventually, I got up to pee, and as I passed the mirror, I caught a glimpse of myself. I studied the tired lines under my eyes, my bangs that desperately needed a trim, the transparency of my blonde lashes without mascara. I looked deeply into my own eyes, and I cried.

The simple act of looking at myself, really looking, was overwhelming. I cried for hours, grieving all the years that had passed without me truly taking care of myself—feeling so disconnected from the person I once was, or the person I still am, buried beneath the weight of the world’s expectations.

We abandon ourselves unknowingly and fill in that empty space with hollow substitutions. A quick fix to temporarily turn our focus away from the feelings desperately trying to claw their way out of us—and it’s not our fault.

We live in the age of distraction, and we are human, making it often feel near impossible to resist what everything around us is telling us to do: keep buying, keep disconnecting, keep searching outside yourself for someone or something to tell you who you are. The most amazing thing about this? Everything you actually need is already inside of you. 

Gagging. I know that was cheesy but ride with it for a moment. You already have everything you need to take care of yourself: a body that loves you, a mind that’s dedicated to learning and adapting, and the freedom to choose where your attention lies. That’s powerful. That’s the power our capitalist society tries to make us forget. But it doesn’t end there.

Real self-care requires dedication. Realizing you have autonomy and options is a great place to start, but getting to know yourself takes work. One of the most challenging aspects of self-care is taking accountability. No one is coming to save you, change you, or show you the “right” path. There is support along the way, but at the end of the day, it’s your inner work that changes who you are. 

The Work That Actually Changes You

Learning to take accountability means not always buying that $7 matcha if you’re tight on money. It means learning to communicate healthy boundaries with the people around you instead of shutting them out in a fit of rage (unless shutting them out is the boundary you’ve chosen). It means spending time alone by yourself without distractions so you can actually get to know yourself.

And honestly, it means calling yourself out when you’re the problem. It’s easy to hide behind your ego, but growth can’t happen from a place of defensiveness and shame.  

You can’t buy deep inner healing or sustainable self-care that lasts a lifetime on Instagram. You gotta do the work, babe. You’ve heard people say, ‘You have to do the work.’ Well, you do. Or, you’ll wake up at 40, 50, 70, and realize you still don’t really know yourself, or know who you wanted to be, or what makes you happy. 

Picture meeting future-you. The version of yourself you daydream about, the one you’ve always felt connected to but haven’t figured out how to become yet. I’m guessing you already have an inkling of who they are and what you need to do to get there. 

The antidote to anxiety is creativity. Boredom is the cue to explore something new. Showing up differently starts with thinking differently. It’s uncomfortable to change, but so is the misery of staying the same. Distracting yourself from change will lead to a lot of years of walking in circles. Seems like the scenery would get old, no? 

The point is this: live your life with as much intention as you can get your hands on, even if that starts with simply appreciating the way your creamer swirls into your morning coffee or answering a little more honestly when someone asks, ‘How are you?’ You’ll be surprised to see how quickly the momentum builds once you start operating from a place of choice—it’s addicting! 

The building blocks for a life of authenticity and joy aren’t hidden in the third hour of scrolling. So get off your phone, stop shopping for your next fix, and buy yourself the most precious gift in the world—time.