Happy Valentine’s Day! Great for some but for others as they contemplate the feeling of being unlovable. This article will change that.
According to the Oxford Dictionary, ‘Love’ is “an intense feeling of deep affection.” This definition helps us understand what love means, this term isn’t restricted to it. Love is a multitude of things outside semantics. Love can be a feeling, commitment, a lesson, and more. During this Valentine’s season, love is all around us…but many, possibly yourself, may not feel like love is in the air for you.
It’s Valentine’s Day, and you wish that the person who has your heart would not take the next step with you. Perhaps you see your friends thriving in romantic relationships and wishing you had what they have. Possibly, you see the little acts of love that other people experience and wonder why you can’t have the same.
Experiencing love around you, not towards you, can make you think, “Am I just unlovable?” Despite the validity of the feelings behind this thought, I can confidently state that you are NOT unlovable.
Feeling ‘Unlovable’
What exactly does it mean to feel “unlovable?” Feeling unlovable can come in a wide variety of forms, but the form we’re focusing on today is romantic love.
Questions and prevailing thoughts include: “Will anyone really love me?” “Why can’t anyone love me?” “Why couldn’t they love me?” “Why am I unlovable?” tends to be more prevalent than ever in this age of love and dating. When situationships, ghosting, and non-commitment are the new norm, it can lead people to question their value when it comes to love. That’s why I’m here to give you a fresher perspective when it comes to battling these feelings.
I can’t be the only one who finds it tiring when people give me “advice,” such as “Love will come when you least expect it,” or “You have to love yourself first,” and more repetitive non-advice as such. While this advice can be useful and resonate with some, it ultimately doesn’t address the issue of feeling unlovable. This is why it’s time to go out with the old advice and introduce new advice that actually addresses the qualm of feeling unlovable.
In with the new, out with the old
My first piece of advice is that wanting to love means that you are full of love. It is impossible for someone who is full of love to be unlovable. This type of energy radiates and affirms that love is meant for you. Let’s put this into perspective if you feel this doesn’t resonate with you. The world we live in is massive, and within this massive world, you are living amongst it. You haven’t met everyone you’re going to love. You also haven’t met everyone who will love you.
Think back to all the experiences you’ve gone through so far: the expected, the unexpected, the bad, the good, and everything in between. All these experiences and the choices you made during these experiences led you to this point now. This will continue.
You’ll meet everyone you’re supposed to meet in your lifetime. The chance of just one out of the thousands you’ll meet that will fall in love with you is exponentially high. Love will come to those who love, including you.
Beauty Can Coexist
The next piece of advice that is crucial to remember is that just because someone couldn’t love you doesn’t mean you are unlovable.
One of the biggest reasons individuals feel unlovable is that the people they loved in the past couldn’t reciprocate that love towards them. Someone not being able to love you doesn’t take away from who you are, the love you gave them, or the love you deserve.
This advice can be seen the same way as beauty. A landscape full of the most beautiful flowers you can imagine is drastically different from the peak of a sunset, but that doesn’t mean one is no longer beautiful.
Beauty coexists as not being loved by someone who didn’t know how to love and yet still being lovable. How can you expect someone who doesn’t know how to love to dictate if you are lovable or not? The answer is that you shouldn’t.
My final advice is that you deserve love! No matter how much you believe you don’t or how much you believe that love is not meant for you.
So many times, when we believe we are unlovable, we build walls guarding us from love when it comes our way, and this is a valid way we protect ourselves. Love is uncertain and scary, and sometimes, it’s more comfortable avoiding it than letting it in. But fear doesn’t mean the concept of you being unlovable is a reality. It’s ok to let someone love you!
Advice from College Students
Now, it’s crucial to hear advice outside of my own. What better than real, raw advice from college students who have experienced and overcome feeling unlovable.
Third-year business student Fabiola Vandas Montero says, “I realized that there’s more to love than just romance. There is so much more around us that we don’t pay attention to. When we pay attention to everything else, the prospect of feeling unlovable becomes less of a reality, because it’s never a reality to begin with.”
First-year microbiology student Eden Gerstin states, “Take the Valentine’s holiday, as well as any other day, to appreciate who you are and how far you’ve come. You don’t need someone else to tell you or show you that.”
Luna Hernandez, a first-year wildlife ecology student says:
“Loneliness can be challenging, and it’s easy to believe that it’s something we’re not meant to feel. However, it’s important to remember that discomfort goes hand in hand with positive change. Embrace the growing pains and let them inspire you to put yourself out there!”
Finally we speak with first-year finance student, Sasha Cumming. She states “My advice would be to lean on your friends and build other valuable relationships. Platonic love can be and is just as gratifying as romantic love.”
I hope that all the advice shared can resonate with you, readers. At least leaving you feeling a little less alone. As a reminder, you are absolutely lovable, and someone will see that in you. Just remember to see it in yourself, too!
