College is full of possibilities. It marks the start of adulthood with a whole new world of independence. However, this much freedom also comes with a new level of responsibility. Balancing tough courses, extracurriculars, and internships is no walk in the park. On top of that, navigating new adult relationships during college can feel like uncharted territory.
So, if you’re wondering how to maintain a healthy relationship in college without sacrificing your academics or social life, you’ve come to the right place! Read on to learn 5 must-know relationship tips, with professional advice from Dr. Katie Schubert, a sex and Couples Therapist and CEO of Cypress Wellness Center.
1. Support Each Other
With busy schedules and late nights, time can easily slip away and stress can take over a relationship. So, knowing and supporting your partner’s academic, professional, and personal goals is important to help guide them through this stress. Make sure you are always getting to know your partner.
Ask questions about each other. Long term relationships flourish when partners don’t forget to “get to know each other” on a regular basis. If your partner has an interest, ask them about it. Partake in it a few times to get a feeling for it. Ask them why they’re drawn to it.
-Dr. Katie Schubert
For example, if they mention joining the chess club, ask them about it! It could spark a heartfelt conversation about their grandfather teaching them to play as a child, and how picking up the hobby again brings them comfort while feeling homesick. This open communication allows you to provide the right kind of support based on their emotional state.
2. Communicate Honestly & Regularly
Communication is the current that keeps any relationship flowing. Staying up to date on your partner’s personal life is a great start. However, communication is not always easy. It also means addressing difficult things, such as previous arguments, emotional insecurities, and personal needs. For type-A people like me, scheduling weekly and monthly check-ins will help to prevent arguments and resentment.
I tell couples I see to have weekly check-ins with each other. What went right this week? What do you need more of in this relationship? What was something your partner did that you really appreciated? Plan this time – for example, set aside Sunday evenings from 6-7pm to have these uninterrupted check-ins.
-Dr. Katie Schubert
If sticking to a schedule isn’t your style, that’s okay! Jot down a few questions about the emotional and intimate aspects of your relationship and keep them in mind. Remember to always show genuine interest, and never ask if you are not ready to listen.
3. Spend Quality Time
Many couples drift apart due to emotional and physical distance, often caused by busy schedules, dry conversations, and a general lack of connection. While comfortable silence is a great sign of a healthy relationship, so is spending active quality time together. College can be exhausting, so aim to make quality time both relaxing and fulfilling for you and your partner!
While passive time feels good (watching TV together, scrolling phones while cuddling…), quality time is crucial in relationships. A fun activity can be to take turns planning something fun – tell your partner a day/time, but don’t tell them what you’re doing! This is also a fun way to get to know your partner (over and over again)!
-Dr. Katie Schubert
Looking for a cozy winter quality-time idea? Try making a new recipe together! If you don’t have access to a kitchen, bring each other your favorite snacks and have a craft night instead. For both close and long-distance couples, creating vision boards together on FaceTime is a fun way to connect and share your goals!
4. Balance Social Life
Boundaries are different in every relationship. This is why communicating about boundaries surrounding time with yourself, friends, and with each other is a must. Figure out what you both prioritize, and what is most important to you both. Ask each other how much time you each want to spend together, and be realistic about it. For long-distance couples, talk about setting designated “date night” call times and discuss how often in-person visits can happen.
There isn’t a right answer here regarding how to balance everything. You need to work out with your partner what feels mostly good for both of you. Relationships are full of compromises, and these boundaries often involve compromising.
-Dr. Katie Schubert
During boundary talks, be sure to understand the difference between compromise and control. Make sure your social needs are still being met, and that you feel comfortable and happy in your relationship.
5. Set Realistic Expectations
As college students, it’s important to set realistic expectations in your relationship. This is a time when we’re getting to know ourselves as adults. So, talk about what you both want, short-term and long-term. Weekly fine dining dates might be out of the question on a student budget, so brainstorm other ways to spend quality time together.
Again, compromises are key in a successful relationships! What do both of you want short and long term? When setting expectations within a relationship, it’s important to understand needs. Once needs are understood, realistic expectations can be established (saving money, how much time to spend with in-laws, kids/no kids, etc… )
-Dr. Katie Schubert
For the long term, try discussing where you see yourselves five years from now. You don’t need all the answers, but thinking about the future together and revisiting these conversations is key.
A Final Note…
Most importantly, remember that you have time to figure things out. These tips are here to help you maintain a healthy relationship while in college. If you ever feel like you’re losing yourself, your morals, or your character in a relationship, don’t hesitate to walk away. College is a time for growth, and your relationships should support it. So, enjoy it!
