Losing a long-term love is an indescribable heartbreak. Whether it was your decision or not. Getting out of a relationship that was over a decade long almost broke me. It was the hardest situation I have had to go through so far in my life. This decision was not mine, and honestly, it kind of blindsided me. What came in the coming weeks was crying, not eating, nor taking care of myself, avoiding anything that reminded me of them and stalking their socials until I hurt my own feelings … Yeah, I did all of that.
Of course, I miss this person. I am even still in love with them. I know for my own sake, I have to continue building the life I want. Once you pick yourself up, and start healing, it will all fall into place. Until then, how do you self-soothe, when your whole world is turned upside down? I have some advice to share that helped me start living my life again.
- Silence the Socials!
Honestly breaking up in this era of everyone being online and accessible is so much harder. Our parents had it much easier after a breakup. The only way you would hear about that person is if you lived in a small town or had mutual friends. You weren’t seeing them post pictures of themselves having fun every weekend without you or following a new potential partner.
I recommend blocking them and anyone close to them, just for now so you aren’t obsessively checking in on them. However, if you are staying amicable, and don’t want to seem so harsh – mute them or uninstall the apps. Uninstalling the apps for a cool-off period definitely helped me, and it kept me from doom-scrolling in general.
- Goals, Goals, Goals!
I had goals before the breakup, but I made more after it too. In general, most people in their 20’s have goals. However, after deep heartbreak, it is time to figure out what you truly want for YOU! Even if you start by making small goals such as I’m going to drink my water and get to bed at a decent time today. Then as you fall back into a normal routine, figure out what kind of goals you can make for school, for your career and where you ultimately want to be in life. It helps you want to get out of bed each morning instead of crying in it all day.
- Find the Fun
In my case, my boyfriend was truly my best friend. We had so many of the same interests, and quite honestly he’s the only person I know who would always be down for an all-day movie or TV show marathon. Or even spend the day at one of my favorite bars for drinks, good food and a deep yap session.
After he left, I needed to find new fun. Luckily for me, I had a small group of girls who participated in the same stuff that I used to do with him. Although, that didn’t last and I found myself being alone now more than ever.
I dove into anything that made me feel good like romantic comedies, YouTube videos exploring my favorite subjects, reading books I left untouched after buying, and listening to music.
Find what is fun for you and you alone. Maybe it’s going outside, visiting your favorite coffee shop, or creating content. Lean into your pleasures!
- Self-Care
This is a mix of my previous piece of advice and my final tip, but self-care is something you should always be doing. But during heartbreak? It’s a must.
For me, self-care was journaling and reading advice books and articles. It was also buying new face masks and getting my nails done. Anything to make you feel better, and feel like you look good will make you happy.
This could also be taking walks and working out. You could also organize your space. I also recommend finding fun new recipes or DoorDashing from your favorite local spot.
Focusing on you will in turn help that ache in your chest.
- Feel Your Feelings
My last piece of advice is to feel your feelings. This is essentially a grieving process. You lost your person and the future you thought you would have with them. Take the time to cry it out. Feel that anger and guilt. Sitting with your feelings is the hardest part, it is the heartache.
Being in a long-term relationship with someone who you thought was forever, and that being gone, is one of the worst pains you will ever feel. You will only heal that heartbreak by going through it, and getting out on the other side. Talk to your loved ones, talk to a therapist, write it out in a journal – just remember to feel. It’s okay.
This feeling of being single is still fresh to me, and I am learning as each day goes on. You will heal, you will feel better – at least that’s what everyone says. There are so many ways to embrace your newly single life. Fake it until you make it. Just remember it’s okay to be upset, but if you can do at least one thing each day to help future you and maybe make current you smile, then that’s a start. I am personally wishing everyone a wonderful healing journey.
