Let’s face it–transitioning into university is hard. It can be even worse if you’re a non-traditional student.
Even if you do it in the way that most people have laid out, it’s a jarring adjustment.
I not only took a gap year from high school, but I also did my first two years of undergrad at a community college. In addition, my first year of community college was entirely online. I had no experience taking in-person college-level classes until my second year. Even then, my experience was different. Because the community college I attended was so small, I didn’t really get to experience a college community or socialization with my other peers. Most other students at my school went to class, didn’t talk to anyone, and then went straight home.
When I started at Texas Woman’s University in the Fall 2024 semester, I was excited. I had grown up seeing university life romanticized and idealized in almost every American TV show I had seen. I was looking forward to experiencing it myself.
But I was also scared. I didn’t have experience with big classrooms or a large campus. And it was my very first time living away from home and being completely independent. I also knew that I’d be older than many of my peers and that I simultaneously lacked the life experience other 21-year-olds had. I walked in without knowing a single other person at the school. The idea of not making any friends terrified me.
What I didn’t know was that I was about to experience one of the most impactful years of my life. During the school year, I would be pushed to learn and grow like I never had before. I learned so much about myself, about other people, and about the world. And at the end of the school year, I feel like a brand new person.
Tackling College-Level Academics
It’s pretty widely known that the scale of academic difficulty at university is much different than even community college. Nevertheless, when I watched a few of my younger friends go through their basic core classes–ones I took at the community college–I was surprised to learn that their curriculum was much more intensive. This made me nervous going in. This was the first year that all of my classes would relate directly to my major. I wasn’t just in Composition 2 anymore–I was taking level 3000 English courses.
As a result, I struggled a little during my first semester. I’ve always been naturally inclined towards studying and academic work, so maintaining good grades hadn’t been difficult in high school. I could put in minimal effort, study rarely, and still get solid As and Bs in all my classes.
My first semester at university, however, humbled me. I quickly realized that the nonchalance with which I approached my schoolwork previously wasn’t going to cut it anymore. I really cracked down in order to get all my work done (and do it well). English skills, like literary analysis, are my natural strong points, but I experienced a lot of difficulty balancing my time between my workload and off time to ensure I didn’t burn out.
When midterms and finals rolled around, I had to become very proactive in making a schedule and intentional about setting aside time to do work and study in order to make it through relatively unscathed.
I used what I learned during the fall to excel during the spring semester. I was better about balancing my time right from the start. As a result, I managed to save myself a lot of extra stress as the workloads started piling up. Finals and midterms were still grueling, but I fared way better than my first semester.
So, here’s my takeaway: be mindful and intentional about taking time to do work and study. While it’s tempting to push it off until the last minute, you will thank yourself later for getting ahead. You will also save yourself a lot of stress. Manage your schedule well, give yourself ample time to complete all your work, and pace yourself. I would even recommend that you schedule rest days! If you’re able to give yourself a day off once in a while, where you don’t let yourself worry about anything, it will do wonders in saving you from burning out.
Learning To Be Independent
Universities widely encourage first-year students to live on campus, because it allows them to practice independence in a safe, monitored, and controlled environment—and I completely agree with that.
When I began my first semester, I had never been away from home for long periods of time. I was already 21 years old, an age when many American parents would expect their child to be fully independent by, but it felt like I was only just beginning life as an adult. I was nervous about having to be fully responsible for myself and my living space. Also, I worried that I wouldn’t be able to handle homesickness. As someone who grew up in a tight-knit family, the idea of living without my dad or my little sisters made me incredibly sad.
In order to overcome these fears, I focused on the things I could control. I intentionally chose a school close to home, so I could easily drive back and visit my family every other weekend. Although I was able to manage my homesickness by visiting home often, there are lots of other great tips for overcoming homesickness for people who are going to school much farther away. I also started becoming more mindful of my routines at home and took steps to become more independent. Using my phone reminders, I was able to stay on top of my at-home responsibilities. This helped me prepare a lot more for having to manage dorm life and academic work simultaneously.
I believe living in a college dorm lays an excellent foundation for adult independence, since it still provides support with many daily responsibilities. I didn’t have to pay monthly bills, nor did I have to worry too much about meals or groceries because of my meal plan. It was nice that I also got free access to services like laundry, internet, and air conditioning. However, I was responsible for my schedule and my cleanliness. I had to learn to budget money in order to afford luxuries, like ordering food or something I didn’t need. Dorm life is a great way to slowly ease into adulthood and take on the responsibilities of living alone step by step, instead of feeling like you’re being thrown into the deep end.
My biggest takeaway from living in a dorm is that being responsible for your time is so important. It’s easy to shirk responsibilities like homework or chores just because there isn’t someone telling you to do it. But, in the end, you’ll be the one who suffers from the consequences: failing grades and a messy space. Try finding new and creative ways to motivate yourself to stay on top of things. Maybe you convince yourself to clean your bathroom by promising yourself a sweet treat afterwards.
One downside to living on campus: it’s easy to get lonely and depressed, staying in your room all day. Even if you’re an introvert like me, socialization is so important for not only maintaining your relationships but also your overall mental health. And that correlates directly with the last (and maybe most important) thing I learned from university!
Finding Community
I think many people, like me, feel nervous about entering new spaces. University is no exception. Especially if you didn’t go straight into college after graduating high school, it can be daunting to enter a new environment where you don’t know a single other person.
This was how I felt at the beginning of the Fall 2024 semester. I spent a lot of the first week after moving in alone in my dorm room. As I did, I grew more restless and more anxious about socializing with my peers. I was wracked with nerves, wondering if I would be able to make friends or if my experience would be as lonely as it was at community college.
However, towards the end of my first week, a very kind woman invited me to eat breakfast with her. I accepted, because I was in no position to turn her down. That was when she told me about the campus ministry group she helped run. She then introduced me to one of the student leaders, who happened to live on the same floor as me. From then on, their community welcomed me with open arms.
After spending the year with these girls as a part of their organization, I feel nothing but thankfulness. If it weren’t for that morning when someone saw me eating alone and showed me kindness by inviting me into their community, I would have had a wildly different social experience at university.
Of course, religious organizations aren’t the only places you can find community at university. There are tons of fun clubs and other organizations that are available to students. In my opinion, those are by far the best and easiest places to make friends. I joined a dance club at my school, where I not only broadened my social circle but also did something fun and enriching for myself and my body.
If you can, I would also recommend getting an on-campus job, especially one that relates to your major! Since being hired as an employee of my university’s writing center, I’ve been able to make so many new friends through my wonderful coworkers. It’s especially nice that most of us are also English majors. We get to freely discuss nerdy things like Jane Austen novels, literary analysis, and bond over our shared passion for the written word.
Even if it may seem tedious or inconvenient, I highly recommend that you try to attend as many on-campus events as possible–especially during welcome week! There are many great opportunities to meet people that you might not interact with normally. Through one of the welcome events for my dorm building, I met one of the loveliest girls I know and became her friend, and we even plan to live together next year.
Overall, my biggest recommendation for thriving socially at university is to be open to new opportunities and new people. If I hadn’t been proactive in pushing myself out of my comfort zone, leaving my room even when I didn’t want to, and saying “yes” to events even if I wasn’t sure about them, I wouldn’t have the amazing group of friends that I have today. Friendships in college form fast and strong, so sometimes all it takes is doing something uncomfortable and scary one time, and you meet people who eventually become your closest friends in the process.
So, I implore you to say “hi” to that one classmate that you think looks cool, or go out of your way to strike up a conversation with someone sitting by themselves. You never know, they could be just as lonely and scared as you are!
Final Reflection
Although entering university can be a daunting experience, particularly if you’re a non-traditional student or a little more on the introverted side, it can be one of the most impactful things you can do for your life. Not only are you taking a big step in receiving an education that will help you in your future career, but you’re also able to practice living as an independent adult. Surrounded by peers constantly, university is one of the best places to find new people and make new friends.
If you’re anxious about starting university in the upcoming year, I hope my experience can provide some reassurance. I was terrified going in, but I wouldn’t trade my experience for the world.
Sometimes, doing the things that are best for you and your growth are scary and uncomfortable. Even in those moments, I want to challenge you to be brave and go for it! You’ll be surprised at just how good the results can be.
