Funnily enough, when you first thought about going to college, you felt so grown up. Yet, you’re now standing there with your whole life behind you in bags, completely alone, feeling indescribably small.
The rational part of you knows you aren’t physically tiny- although you certainly feel that way. In actuality, you’re going through the motions of embarking on a new journey.
Just like in kindergarten, you’re finding yourself feeling this innate desire for familial connection- a friend, maybe two.
To Preface
Looking around, it’s all feeling pretty overwhelming. There are so many unfamiliar faces- perhaps all of them are. And your environment is completely foreign.
It’s similar to learning how to walk. You need to find your footing before you dive in headfirst.
This all goes without saying to be kind to yourself. You may not be a social butterfly right away, and that’s perfectly fine. It takes tortoises, for instance, some time to come out of their shell after being spooked.
However, it’s more than okay to be of the shy archetype. No matter the case, you’ll find your people.
1) Your Dorm Building
Starting on a smaller, relatively familiar level, it doesn’t hurt to get to know who you’re living with. It’s especially helpful when it comes time to do your laundry. After all, these are the people you’ll be sharing washers and dryers with.
Additionally, if you’re going the communal bathroom route, that’s another piece to consider.
On move-in day, it’s quite common to see people leave the doors to their dorms open. It’s a subtle way of saying “come in” to those willing. While doing so may feel nerve-racking, think of it as greeting a new neighbor.
Plus, it can actually be quite fun to drop by and see how people are decorating their rooms.
This is also the time where those icebreakers- which you’ll get sick of- come in. The most common questions are what their name, major and hometown are.
Even when it’s past move-in day, striking up a conversation with someone coming down the hallway won’t hurt. Everyone is in the same situation, so eventually someone will have to make that first move.
Why not let it be you?
Take a deep breath and say “hi.” Doing so, even if it results in awkward, small talk-based and forths, will slowly empower you, eventually giving you the confidence to go for those instances without thinking. Truthfully, baby steps are the key.
2) Classes
Next up on the list are your classes. As a freshman, the friends you make in your classes can be some of the best.
Reason being, you’ll all eventually find comfort in each other. Everyone’s learning to navigate this new level of rigor and this unusual set of expectations.
Relatability can be both the biggest comfort and bonding opportunity.
Cultivating a relationship with someone doesn’t have to mean starting with words. It can also look like smiling at them when they look anxious, or lending someone something to write with. It can also be as little as holding the door open for them once class ends.
Additionally, forming study groups can be a great icebreaker. Again, relatability is such a common uniter during these times. Being just as confused as someone else, or acting as a helping hand, can be that first push needed to start talking to someone on a more personal level.
From there, you can also grab a meal or a snack with a person, or even a group of people, after class. Again, everyone is navigating the same puzzle piece that you are.
3) Your Academic Building
On a slightly bigger scale than the classroom itself, majors are generally assigned to a certain academic building. For example, someone who’s majoring in journalism would take their classes in the communications department of their university.
Common interests can be a great conversation starter. Once again, relatability is a useful tool.
Take note of those familiar faces, as, in their mind, you are one too. Start by smiling at them or saying “hi” in passing. With time, you’ll find a lot of those people are in your classes. Individuals within your realm are usually fast friends because of this.
Eventually, those small acknowledgements will turn into actual conversations.
4) On-Campus Events
While making conversation with people who largely relate to you can be easiest, it’s also wise not to pigeonhole yourself.
Therefore, it’s best to meet new people by getting involved on campus and attending on-campus events that pique your interest. Remember: you don’t have to stay for the whole time. You aren’t looking to torture yourself, but rather, immerse yourself.
At the end of the day, you’ll never know who you could click with if you don’t put yourself out there. The result may honestly surprise you.
Working at making friends and socializing doesn’t have to mean striking up a conversation out of the blue. It can also look like sharing an experience with somebody. So, go to those cultural events and those RA-held movie nights.
Talking to somebody can be incredibly spontaneous, that’s the fun of it!
5) Via Joining a Club
Then there’s the topic of immersing yourself in a group of people who share common interests with you, while combining that desire to be involved on campus.
For many, becoming friends with someone came from joining a club. Odds are, you won’t be the only new kid on the block looking to activate their social battery. Also, it doesn’t hurt to leave your safe space- your dorm- every once in a while.
Final Thoughts
All in all, finding “your people” in college can happen in the most unplanned manner. The clock isn’t ticking as there is no timer applied to this aspect of your college life. What’s most important is that you don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
This is a time in which everything is new, and so when you only have yourself, it’s important to be conscious and kind. Don’t destroy the one relationship you will always have at the end of the day, and that’s the one with yourself.
Lastly, don’t lose hope or tell yourself that you are unlikable. There is truly someone for everyone. Relationships can be cultivated in the randomest of times and in the most unexpected spaces.
