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National Compliment Day: The Power of Positive Expression

Celebrate this day together.

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Science shows us that the art of giving a good compliment has the power to transform large workplaces to interpersonal relationships.

In 1998, award-winning public speakers Kathy Chamberlin and Debby Hoffman created National Compliment Day. This day was to be celebrated annually on January 24th when many Americans claim to confront the height of their seasonal depression. 

The two professionals, who hail from New Hampshire, desired to promote positive feedback among friends, couples, co-workers, and strangers. By creating this holiday, they hoped to inspire people to be more observant and intentional with their compliments (or lack thereof).

Unfortunately, most Americans drastically underestimate the power of a simple, genuine compliment. There’s a reason for this, but first, let’s discuss what happens in your brain when you give or receive a compliment. 

The science behind compliments

Did you know that our brain’s reception to a genuine compliment is the same as being paid a monetary reward? When we receive a compliment, it spikes the dopamine receptors in our brain. These receptors are responsible for our brain’s built-in reward system. When our dopamine receptors activate, it confirms to our body that we’re doing something right. 

The structure of dopamine
Credit: Shutterstock/PK Designs

Not only do these receptors activate when we’re the receiver of a compliment but also when we’re the provider of one. Giving a compliment is a simple way of practicing gratitude. According to studies, practicing gratitude is a powerful habit that can release toxic emotions, aid stress regulation, and reduce anxiety and depression.

Our minds are always listening to what is going on within and around us. For our brains, when we give a compliment, it doesn’t necessarily matter who it’s for. By performing the act of gratitude, our bodies can receive an emotional boost that could benefit us just as much as the receptor of the compliment.

That being said, there is a significant difference between a forced compliment and a genuine one. Have you ever received an end-of-the-year email from your workplace that reads something like: “Thank you for all your hard work! We appreciate you!” Have you ever been approached by the opposite gender and hit immediately with a suspicious amount of admiration? As human beings, we can suspect when words are authentic versus when they are bogus. Let’s talk about what goes behind an authentic compliment.

Geuine versus inauthentic compliments

The principal difference between an authentic compliment and fake admiration lies in the reasoning behind the positive words. Some people or corporations will use compliments to gain the trust or attention of others. Rather than giving a compliment for the sake of uplifting the mood of another individual.

In 2016, during his original presidential campaign, Donald Trump was attempting to gain as much support from the Mexican-American population as he could. Watch the clip below:

He claims, “A lot of people say: ‘he doesn’t like (Mexico)’, I love Mexico! And I love the Mexican people. I’ve had thousands of Mexicans working for me, they love me!” (Trump, 2016). 

Why does this compliment feel ungenuine? Partially because we understand Trump’s motives behind it. He is trying to gain something from it, whether it be votes, support, investments, etc. His compliment doesn’t highlight anything specific about Mexico or the Mexican people that he admires. He doesn’t highlight a story or specific scenario that backs up his reasoning. Most of all, his actions do not back up his words.

Another example could be when you’re sitting at the bar, and somebody approaches you with either a compliment or a pickup line. Suddenly, this person asks for your number or what you are doing after you leave. When you turn them down, they become cold or upset. They may even retract their initial compliment. 

The positive impact of a compliment is significantly reduced when the complimenter is attempting to gain something from the one being complimented. These compliments are often vague, shallow, and can come off as being forced or inauthentic. They aren’t rooted in anything sincere or personal to the one being complimented. 

How to give an authentic compliment 

Crafting the perfect compliment
Credit: Shutterstock/eamesBot

A simple strategy to keep in mind when formulating a compliment is to remember the Three ‘S’ Rule: Keep it sincere, short, and specific. 

Sincerity

Sincerity is the most critical aspect of this formula. Some people may make the mistake of formulating their compliment around making the other person feel good, even if the compliment isn’t reflective of their true feelings. Make sure your compliment reflects something you genuinely admire about this person. Perhaps it’s something subtle they do at work or something specific about their smile, eyes, or outfit for that day.

When you keep your compliment sincere, you don’t have to worry about trying to make the other person feel good. The receptor will sense your sincerity, which will elevate the compliment, even if it’s a simple one.

Shortness

Another overlooked tactic of complimenting is keeping it short. A short, sincere compliment goes miles further than repeated, shallow commendation. This will make your compliment stand out from the conversation. Choosing to begin or end your conversation this way can take it a step further. 

Keeping your compliment short also ensures to the other person that you’re not attempting to gain anything from them. Sometimes, too many compliments can come off as strange or suspicious. Flooding somebody with admiration can take away your words’ emotional impact. Keeping it short, sincere, and calculated will bring greater meaning to the words you choose to use.

Specificity

Lastly, be specific about what you’re complimenting someone on. Telling your co-workers they’re hardworking is flattering, but rooting your compliment within a particular scenario or skill in which they excel in can bring it more sincerity. It shows the other person that you’ve actively observed something they’ve done well. The more specific the compliment, the more authentic it will feel. It’s a simple way of appreciating somebody for exactly who they are and their unique set of skills. 

Remembering specificity when complimenting in the workplace can be a wonderful tool. When you highlight your co-workers’ unique skills, it makes them feel distinctive and appreciated. When they feel appreciated, they’re more likely to go out of their way to get the job done right because they know their hard work isn’t going unrecognized. 

Why do we tend to hold back compliments?

Have you ever found yourself wanting to compliment somebody but choosing to stay silent instead? It may be a co-worker who carries a great attitude, a family member who makes you proud, or somebody you find attractive at the grocery store. Science says there’s a reason we tend to hold back our compliments more times than not. 

Insecurity/Imposter Syndrome  

Depiction of imposter syndrome
Credit: Shutterstock/TA design

When we lack confidence in a certain field, we’re less likely to praise another due to our perceived lack of competency. This insecurity is the root of what the internet refers to as imposter syndrome. According to research done by Erica J. Boothby and Vanessa K. Bohns, this lack of confidence makes us feel too inadequate to compliment another.

Insecurity is both a natural and common feeling. However, it is important to remember not to let insecurity get in the way of you becoming the best version of yourself. As discussed above, paying someone a compliment brings emotional benefits to both the sender and receiver. 

Paying someone a compliment can be good practice for pushing yourself out of imposter syndrome. It shows others that you’re confident enough to recognize something special about someone else. It also can create the grounds for a new partnership that could help you excel in whatever field you might feel uncertain about. 

Also, to put it bluntly, remember not everything revolves around how you’re feeling. Other people can be just as prone to feeling insecure and incompetent. Paying someone a compliment can transform their entire day. Even if you feel insecure about complimenting another, do it anyway because you never know how much someone may need to hear the positive words. 

We neglect their impact

In another study by Boothby and Bohns, they had participants on a college campus deliver a small compliment to a stranger. After the exchange, participants were asked to guess how pleased or awkward they thought the stranger felt receiving the compliment. Lastly, participants handed a sealed envelope to the stranger with a small survey asking how they genuinely felt about the compliment they had received.

Results showed that the majority of participants greatly underestimated how uplifted the stranger felt from their compliment. They greatly overestimated how awkward they thought the compliment delivery was. 

Oftentimes, we hold back compliments because we neglect their impact. We fear coming off as too cringe-worthy. Or that the compliment will come off as more awkward than pleasant. The truth is, these feelings of embarrassment are more present within ourselves than they are within the other person. As the results showed, the vast majority of strangers couldn’t care less about any uneasiness the person paying the compliment might’ve felt. They were just happy to feel seen. 

Why do we feel nervous when receiving a compliment? 

Insecurity doesn’t just affect our ability to give a compliment. It can also affect how we receive one. A study in Boston done by Christopher Littlefield concluded that out of over four hundred people, nearly seventy percent associated recognition or praise with feelings of discomfort or embarrassment. 

The shyness or angst that may be felt after being complimented
Credit: Shutterstock/Kamila Bay

Low self-esteem can cause us to reject compliments because we feel we aren’t adequate enough for the praise. We might laugh it off as a joke, try to change the subject, or desperately attempt to compliment them back. 

Compliments can also catch us by surprise, especially when we aren’t used to feeling praised. The sudden excitement from being recognized can put our sensory receptors in overdrive causing us to feel overwhelmed and freeze. 

Reactions like these are very common even among the most confident and highly respected individuals. It’s important to remember there’s nothing wrong with feeling this way. However, learning how to receive a compliment can help to build your confidence and enhance your social skills in both important work situations and casual nights at the bar.

How to receive a compliment

Firstly, Littlefield reminds us that compliments are often about the sender rather than the receiver. This person is choosing to compliment you because something you did impacted them. Give them the space to share those feelings. It may make you feel better by communicating how unexpected or fluttered the compliment made you feel rather than trying to hide those emotions. 

Credit:Shutterstock/777 Bond vector

Sometimes we feel like we haven’t done enough to earn the compliment we’re receiving. At the end of the day, it’s less about what you did and more about how the other person perceived it. It’s about their experience, not your own. 

Lastly, recognize when a compliment makes you feel vulnerable or insecure. Ask yourself why you may feel this way. Could it be that you feel discomfort because you’re not used to acknowledgement? How did your family teach you to react when being praised? These types of questions can bring a greater awareness of our learned tendencies and reactions. 

And of course, always remember to say thank you.

Celebrate the day

National Compliment Day falls on a Friday this year. Take this day to go out of your way to compliment somebody who you admire.

This could be a standout co-worker, a parent or grandparent, somebody you’ve been eying in class, or a random stranger with a cool scarf. It might feel strange at first, but notice how you feel after giving the compliment. It will be relieving to bring language to your positive thoughts while making someone else feel appreciated.

Written By

Writer, Howard University Class of '24, born and raised in Northern California, living in the Nation's Capital. Be the change you want to see.

1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Patricia Herzig

    January 24, 2025 at 9:49 pm

    Wow!!
    You don’t see many articles about this topic. Another great, positive article by this new young author.

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