Okay, ladies, summer is upon us.
From my perspective, a hot girl summer isn’t all pilates classes, brunch reservations, and boat rides (though I sincerely hope those are part of it). A real hot girl summer strikes the perfect balance between self-love, self-expression, a little bit of chaos, and a lot of fun.
Let’s get into it. Fair warning, this is slightly controversial advice; I like to have fun with it.
First things first: imperfection is key. We’re not going to bed at the same time every night. Some days we’re waking up at 7 a.m., other days it’s 11 a.m. Some weekends we’re staying in with a book, and others we’re waking up trying to piece together how we got home (safely, of course).
I like to think hot girl summer really means living a life that works for you, allowing yourself to not get it right every time.
As a semi-retired (but not completely retired) party girl emerging from a long-term relationship and figuring herself out again, consider this my guide to having the best summer of your life.
Relationship to self and sex
As I mentioned, I was a long-term relationship girly for a long time. It’s taken me a minute to realize that not every man has to be the man (speaking in heterosexual terms).
It’s okay to have a situationship. I know we all hate on them online as the emotional collapse of modern dating, but honestly? They can be fun. Not every relationship has to be so serious. As long as both people are on the same page, it can be really great just to enjoy someone’s company without attaching your entire future to it.
Have really bad sex and talk about it with your roommates. Have really good sex and talk about it with your roommates. Do it for the plot. Do it for the memoir you might write one day.
Sometimes I’ll be in a situation and have that little voice in the back of my head saying, this is probably not it. As long as I’m safe, I try to lean in anyway. It’s okay to be curious. Not every experience has to become a life lesson—sometimes it just becomes a funny story.
Be a little chaotic. Have a glass of wine and sext the person you like. Pleasure yourself in the middle of the day. Lately, I’ve made a habit of bringing my speaker into the shower, and afterward, I dance completely naked in my bathroom. I feel my thighs shake and my breasts bounce, and instead of feeling insecure, I feel alive.
Get out of your comfort zone. I recently went to a music festival that had a communal naked shower. My entire friend group got naked and showered while a man sprayed us with a firehose full of foam. Does it seem strange at first to get naked in front of a bunch of strangers? Yes. Was it freeing? Yes.
Have a fling. Have a roster. Summer is for feeling the sun on your face and letting your inhibitions loosen their grip. This isn’t me telling you to be destructive—it’s a slippery slope—but it is me telling you it’s okay to let go a little.
My advice? Be naked more often. Don’t shave your legs as often. Let someone love you. Take beautiful naked photos of yourself. Worship your body, then let someone you trust see it and take care of it, too.
You are beautiful. You are here. And you’ll never be this young again.
Health and habits
Okay, so when the lights come on and the party’s over, it’s time to take care of yourself. Actually drink the lemon water. Make a high-protein breakfast. Wash your face, and put your hair up into a cute bun. Aftercare goes far beyond sex; it comes after every single thing you put your body through.
Get an exercise routine that works for you. Some days I spend an hour at the gym, and others I do an ab workout in my room while watching Netflix. Again, it doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to work for you. Don’t punish your body, replenish it with what feels right.
I self-identity as a Taco Bell girl, but do I meal prep chicken and steam broccoli too? Absolutely. Your body needs good fuel to sustain the adventure and mental energy of working, going out, supporting yourself, and doing everything we all have to do. Make sure you’re eating well—and you’re eating enough.
Do your laundry before it overtakes your room. This has become an especially important concept to me, given my house doesn’t have a washing machine, so I have to walk to a laundromat. Regardless, don’t let it get away from you. When the weekend comes around, and you can’t find clean socks, you’re going to be kicking yourself.
Make your bed, even if you don’t feel like it. When your room is in visual disarray, it does affect your mental health. Even if I know I’m going to be horizontal for most of the day, I make my bed, turn on soft lighting, light a candle, and then crawl under a blanket. Usually, once I’m ready to get up later, it is easier when my room is already cleaned up.
Make sure to get some fresh air. As someone who works remotely, I can get held up in my room for what feels like days on end. I make a point to go outside, even if it’s just for ten minutes, to remind myself there’s a whole world spinning outside of my computer screen. Ground yourself as often as you can.
Creativity and craft
Don’t forget to incorporate as much play into your life as possible. I know I have a habit of going through my head of everything I should do that day, and it is 95% productivity-centered tasks. Work, apply for that job, send those emails, fold laundry, clean the bathroom, work out. All of that is important to keep our lives in order, but what are we keeping our lives in order for if not to then go enjoy them?
Make a point of prioritizing creativity and personal craft as much as you prioritize life’s demands. I know, personally, I treat my writing like a non-negotiable. Do I have to do it every day or week to survive? Not in the black-and-white sense, but I do it so my heart and soul can survive living in a world that makes us feel we have no time. Taking back control of your time and deciding what to do with it is one of the most powerful acts of rebellion. And hot girl summer is all about autonomy, choice, and empowerment.
Again, you don’t need to drive yourself out into the middle of nowhere and frolic (though that’s amazing). It can be small. If the weather’s bad, sit in your room and color for 30 minutes. Take photos around your neighborhood. Write yourself a letter to open in a year. Bake something while listening to a podcast. The point is to slow down and remind yourself that time only feels like it’s running out because we’re conditioned to move at 100 mph.
One of the purest truths I’ve learned to trust is that you can cultivate joy anywhere. Joy is joy, whether you’re halfway across the world traveling or sitting down with someone you love to watch your favorite movie. Happiness really is lived in the small moments of presence and appreciation, and you can find those anywhere—as long as you’re looking.
Diva energy
You’re never going to look back and wish you did less. Making mistakes is part of figuring out who you are—who you want to be. I have, throughout my life, made a lot of mistakes. And it’s taken a toll on my perception of myself and who I am as a person. But if you know you made a mistake, that means you’ve identified what you want to do differently the next time. Take that with you, apologize, and let go of the shame in the rest of it.
It’s important to do things before you feel fully ready, because very rarely do we ever feel ready. With that, mistakes happen, decisions become confusing, and self-doubt creeps in. Fight it! Do it scared, do it anxious, do it when you’re really sad. Whatever the outcome is, you’ll figure it out and learn something.
I like to remember that as long as no one is hurt, things are usually okay. So what, you made out with that person at the club? So what, you bombed that interview, that meeting, that phone call? You embarrassed yourself? Great, everyone does. Being afraid of failure and embarrassment can hold us back from so much in life. Don’t let fear make you hide away from the world.
To summarize? Just trust yourself. Text the person you’re thinking about, go on a long walk, love your body, drink cold white wine, and dance whenever you feel like it. Call the people you love and remind them you love them. Cry, hard, and let it hurt. Celebrate successes and process failures. Go on the date, to the birthday party, or on the trip. Eat the French fries at the bar and lift weights to make yourself feel strong.
Hot girl summer is simply the girl-coded way of saying to remember the amazing, sexy, smart, independent, insatiable woman you are. You don’t need to be perfect; you just need to be you. So get after it. Happy frolicking!
