Over the years, my life has become very much isolated. My work, schooling, and even my side hustles are remote. This is something I chose, and I do genuinely enjoy it! That said, it has left me with little company. Family and friends live far. A boyfriend? Well, if you find one for me, let me know! I’m generally just by myself most days.
This was all fine and okay until movies I wanted to see came out, concerts from artists I really wanted to hear live popped up, or one of my favorite bars dropped a new cocktail I had to try. I am an anxious person and always need someone with me when I go out. Or so I thought. After missing many outings because I couldn’t get anyone to go for various reasons, I realized I needed to be my own best friend. And, well, I did just that.
I got tired of being alone and missing out on pop culture moments because no one else wanted to do what I did. This past Valentine’s Day, I was going to be very alone in the house, and personally, I love the holiday. It’s cutesy and very much my vibe.
I pre-ordered tickets to see Wuthering Heights at a dine-in theater and made sure I had time to enjoy some prosecco at the bar. I even walked around the mall where the theater was. It was a nice day all around for me. It was so nice that it inspired me to order tickets for another movie two weeks later, book a salon appointment, and get dinner alone the second time around. That date turned out to be more fun than the first!
I won’t lie, I was terrified the night before the first outing. My stomach was turning at the thought of venturing out alone for the first time in years. Would I look stupid dressed up, sitting alone at the bar on Valentine’s Day? Would someone seated a row away judge that I’m watching this romance movie without a date? I was too self-conscious of other people’s perceptions.
The first solo date is something that, personally, has helped my anxiety. It’s not as scary or embarrassing as some people think. It’s actually freeing. I started to relax once I reached the theater and ordered that first glass of prosecco. I watched the people around me, realizing no one was looking or judging, so I just sat there, enjoyed scrolling through my favorite app, and waited to enter the theater. Anxiety gone.
Why it feels so uncomfortable
Once I started this journey, I began hearing comments from people in my life like, “I think it’s so cute that you go out alone. I could never,” and “You really inspired me, but for some reason, the idea of eating alone still makes me anxious!” Which, to me, was so funny because in my circle, I am the most anxious introvert to ever live. So if I could easily do it, I know they can too!
The discomfort comes from many aspects. One is the social stigma that the person out alone must be lonely and that we have to pity them. No one wants to be pitied. Another is insecurity within yourself. That constant nagging thought that everyone must be looking at you and judging you. I guarantee they aren’t. So many people are absorbed in their own world. You’ll notice that as soon as you walk among them. I also found that other people have a difficult time being alone because they don’t want to sit with their own thoughts. I find facing your thoughts alone is better than isolating and blocking them.
What I learned
Doing this isn’t just another activity to keep you busy. It really does have psychological benefits. A major benefit is building self-confidence. Not only will you get over going out alone and the anxiety that holds, but you will also find out what you like. What are your favorite activities? It helps you build a sense of self, which ultimately builds self-confidence.
Building a sense of self and confidence will help you when you are no longer alone. This will help you live for yourself, not for others; you’ll end up comfortable in your own skin. All of this combined will help you set your own standards so you can build better relationships in the future.
Over time, repeated self-dating will help your overall mental health. Going out alone will end up regulating your stress levels. Regulating yourself will help you relax, which in turn reduces your anxiety. Ultimately, the extra alone time allows you to get introspective and figure yourself out.
How to take yourself out
There are so many ways to enjoy your solo time. Going out to a bar or restaurant is a highly favored pastime. Additionally, shopping and taking your time in each aisle is also relaxing. My favorite activity to do is seeing a movie alone. You don’t have to share your snacks or worry about whether the other person is enjoying your movie pick! A concert or comedy show is also another fun solo activity. You can even just walk through your city or local park. Pick whatever fits your vibe!
Another key asset to self-dating that I’ve noticed is accessories. Bring a book to that bar instead of scrolling through your phone. Pack your journal and write on a bench while you take a break from your walk. Don’t forget your headphones, because music in any setting is always the best.
Depending on the season, there are specific dates that you can do alone. In the winter, you can do a light walk to see holiday lights or ice skating. In the spring, you can take yourself out on a picnic or visit a botanical garden. Come summer, you can go on a hike or enjoy a beach day. Finally, in the fall, visit a pumpkin patch or a farmer’s market.
The options and opportunities are endless when it comes to what you can do. There are free options as well as day trips that cost a little more, but whatever it is, it will always be worth it. Over time, you will figure out your niche. Once you do it, it will be easier, and you will likely meet new people who enjoy the same things as you do!
Why are more people doing solo outings?
Going out alone, or also known as “masturdating” per TikTok, has become more common in the past few years. The trend of masturdating started on TikTok a few years ago and became wildly popular. The videos featured people explaining why everyone should date themselves, then doing fun activities solo.
Post-COVID life also influences here. Many people were isolated and alone for months at a time, and they grew accustomed to it. That made it all the more easy to get out of the house and treat yourself to your own me time in the wild.
Lately, another popular trend is romanticizing your life. A key way to do that is to walk out the front door and enjoy what your town and city have to offer. Enjoy various activities while finding the beauty in your day and discovering yourself.
Overall, the acknowledgment on social media has made this more normalized. Seeing people of all ages and genders heading out solo helps take away the stigma. It’s a perfect reminder that if other people can do it, with a camera out nonetheless, you can do it too!
Final thoughts
Taking yourself on dates won’t magically erase anxiety or make everything feel easy overnight. I still get nervous sometimes before going out alone. However, what has changed is how I respond to that feeling. Instead of letting it stop me, I move through it, because I know what’s at the other end.
What started as something overwhelming has become something I genuinely look forward to. I’ve learned that being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely. It just means choosing yourself, your interests, and your time.
I look back at all of the missed opportunities I had simply because I was too scared to do it alone. The tickets I bought went to waste simply because no one wanted to travel with me. The missed opportunity to see an artist who wasn’t as well-known as he is now, and getting tickets to his show today involves a Ticketmaster war. All of that wasted money and life experience due to fear. I refuse to let my anxiety take more from me.
Remember that being fearless does not mean the absence of fear. It means doing it even with the fear, and in doing that, you will realize you were always enough company to begin with.
