Many families in Western culture have difficulties with connection. Often, members will completely cut ties with one another, refusing to ever speak or communicate with their families again. Some people cut their families off due to the abuse or neglect that they might have experienced from their family growing up. Others however, do this because of differing political opinions or beliefs about the world. While there are several reasons to point to as to how this might be the case, the emphasis that the Western World has on individuality is arguably the main reason for this phenomenon.
The general consensus
Family has become increasingly less important in Western society over time. According to the BBC, one in four Americans are estranged from their families. In Britain, one in five family members are estranged. Australia and Canada are similarly witnessing a “silent epidemic” of family breakups.
Cornell professor and family sociologist Karl Pillemer found that 27% of adult Americans were not communicating with one of their immediate family members. Sometimes, this is due to differences in personal values among family members, such as political opinions or religion. Other times, physical distance created from diverging lifestyles or career paths can make familial communication difficult to sustain.
The dissolution or strong family units in Western Culture is easily observable in modern society-but it wasn’t always this way. In fact, the pervasive trend of fractured families is a consequence of one main historical event: the Industrial Revolution.
The Industrial Revolution
The Industrial Revolution is a huge reason for this phenomenon of family estrangement. According to Caryn Greenhough, before the Industrial Revolution, many families in the West tended to live in one household, including extended family.
The Industrial Revolution provided jobs for people in more urbanized areas. Because of this, it became less economically beneficial to maintain the large family structure. Instead, the family unit shrunk to only include the nuclear family.
The concept of families in Western culture has continued to change in the 20th and 21st century. From family sitcoms to more opportunities than ever to move around due to planes and cars becoming increasingly accessible.
What does this have to do with individualism?
Thinking about how society functioned pre-Industrial Revolution, it really was the smarter choice to stick with one’s family. Having a family was almost necessary for survival – a greater amount of people meant additional help for the family farm or shop. Further more, skills were often passed down from older generations, creating an efficient and effective operation.
It was almost guaranteed that the average person was going to stay in their hometown for all of their life. While this meant that there was less autonomy for each individual, there was added security. The majority of people had their families to lean on in case they were unwell or needed support. The family unit was a team, lifting one another up and depending on one another.
With the Industrial Revolution, however, there were greater financial opportunities away from one’s hometown. It became less profitable to continue making a living with what they were doing before. Because of this, more and more people moved away from their families, making it increasingly difficult to maintain a solid familial unit.
Even if families did follow, their hours spent together dwindled. While they all convened at the end of the day, family members started living separate lives from one another on a day to day basis, much like how families operate in Western society today.
Psychologist Joshua Coleman summarizes the loss of family connection in this time by noting, “Not needing a family member for support or because you plan to inherit the family farm means that who we choose to spend time with is based more on our identities and aspirations for growth than survival or necessity…Today, nothing ties an adult child to a parent beyond that adult child’s desire to have that relationship.”
The consequences of the Industrial Revolution fundamentally changed the way Western families operate. It has never been the same since.
Is every family in the world like this?
Many families outside of the Western World emphasize the importance of caring and providing for the family unit. Mabel Kwong was born in Melbourne Australia, but her parents were Malaysian-Chinese immigrants. She lived in Malaysia and Singapore for ten years before moving back to Australia where she spent the rest of her childhood. Because of this, she has the opportunity to witness how the familial values differ between Western and Eastern societies.
“Collectivity is often emphasized in typical Chinese families. This was the mindset I grew up with in my family and held for a long time. It’s a value that taught me to take others into consideration – that we are a part of ‘we’ and lift each other up as a community and in sharing.”
Kwong underscored that there were both good and bad parts to Eastern and Western family styles. Her unique perspective demonstrates that there isn’t necessarily a right way to structure a family unit.
Why are western families so different?
The Western world clearly has differing values when it comes to family. Considering that other parts of the world experienced an Industrial Revolution of their own, there must be other triggers for Western individualism.
Arguably, this reason is the deep-seated values that both cultures have, spanning back to the Ancient World.
The values of Eastern countries such as Japan, China, India, and others have been shaped by religions and/or philosophies such as Buddhism, Confucianism, Taoism, and Hinduism, which put more emphasis on the good of the community over the individual. In South Africa, concepts such as Ubuntu, which emphasize the importance of the collective whole, became an idea around the mid 19th century.
In contrast, Western Culture is more closely tied to Greek philosophy, which puts a huge emphasis on logic and reasoning. While that is not to say that there were not other philosophies and beliefs, such as Christianity, that influenced Western culture, it does explain why Western countries are more inclined towards individualism.
Is this really a bad thing?
There are many different reasons as to why someone leaves their family, but not all of them involve cutting ties. Many people may physically leave their hometown and family because there are better opportunities elsewhere. This does not necessarily mean that a person disconnects from their family, but maintaining communication does require more effort.
There can be justifiable reasons for cutting off family. Some people grow up with abusive family members, and often, the healthiest and smartest thing to do is to cut these people off.
There are other instances of family estrangement however, have nothing to do with eroded communication or an abusive family. These situations might arise from differing political opinions, disagreements about parenting choices, or other factors that could arguably be resolved through conversation.
April, who grew up in an abusive family and subsequently cut ties with them reflected on resolvable family estrangement,
“Writing off your parents used to be a big, shameful thing to do. But lately, it’s almost like it’s bragging rights to estrange from your family. Now people want to talk to me because of it. Then they tell me about their parents and how terrible they were, how they’re going ‘no-contact,’ but they have these dumbass reasons. You find out they are estranged because their dad denies climate change. I want to say, ‘Relationships take work. You actually have parents who love you. Don’t you care at all?”
Cutting off family members over a conflict of interest can inhibit the ability to maintain a healthy relationship. Dr. Carmichael describes the importance of familial conflict by asserting,
“We need disagreement to grow, and we need relationships to stay emotionally stable. When you sever ties with someone over who they voted for, you don’t just lose a viewpoint, you lose history, identity, emotional support, and often, a chance for mutual growth.”
Is family even that important?
A growing willingness to so quickly cut ties with one’s family should be a cause of concern, since family is actually incredibly important. Families can shape an individual, act as a support system when times are tough, and generally, are among the few individuals that a person can have a very close relationship with.
Additional help
While families are important people to hold onto, there are unfortunately many who have to deal with abuse from their families. If you feel as though you might be facing some form of abuse, whether family or not, the website linked below can inform you of some of the signs of emotional and physical abuse within any type of relationship. Additionally, this website has linked multiple helplines that you can call if you feel as though you are in immediate danger or just need someone to talk to. Family is important, but your safety, as well as your physical and mental well being, should never be compromised.
