Women all know what it means to dress for the male gaze: objectified, uncomfortable, and so on. We decided, well, damn, we might as well dress for ourselves. Thus, the female gaze has made its place in modern-day fashion. But for the men who want to impress the ladies, how are they supposed to dress for the female gaze? Do they just objectify themselves back? No— this subset of men’s fashion is about putting in the effort for the girl you like.
Dressing for the female gaze: a spark notes summary
The female gaze is quite literally how women see the world, but that could be almost anything. Some would argue that the female gaze objectifies men the same way the male gaze objectifies women, but that does not seem to be a popular idea. Rather, people using the term “female gaze” often look at men (and women) from an empathetic, artistic point of view.
According to Sartorial Magazine, the female gaze focuses on the personality of a person, not their body. All those movies of a girl falling in love with the shy, nerdy type are true, in a sense. It’s easier to care about someone who doesn’t rely on muscles for substance.
Then again, women also value art. While a man in a compression shirt will never fail (trust me), the perfect body isn’t the only thing a girl wants. My best friend, Martina Formoso, and I talked about it, and we both agreed that girls put as much emphasis, if not more, on the aesthetics of an outfit. You don’t always have to look amazing, but a girl will always appreciate an outfit that has character.
While the emphasis is on your personality, the outfit is the cherry on top. Dressing up all artsy shows that you care, that you want her attention. It’s just as essential as chocolates in a heart-shaped box. Assuming you have the personality then (I hope), how the hell are you supposed to dress for the female gaze?
I interviewed a few of my friends— ranging from the most fashion-forward to the most questionable— to get a consensus on the best outfits a guy can wear. These aren’t the only men’s fashion tropes you have to stick with, but they are a surefire way to start.
Nothing suits you like a suit!
The one weakness all girls (and I mean ALL girls) have is a suit. Maybe it’s the fact that most girls like smart guys who have their it together, or maybe it’s because of the clean-cut button-ups. Either way, in all of men’s fashion, a suit just screams effort.
Obviously, you can’t wear the same three-piece suit every day for hygienic purposes, at the very least. But having your outfit center around a well-fitting, collared shirt and a pleated pair of pants is perfect for an everyday look, too. Think Academia, Acubi, Grandpa sweater fashion.
One of the best references for this aesthetic, by the way, is Uniqlo. Sophia Pintor, one of my first fashion friends coming into college, said that if a man dressed like a Uniqlo mannequin, it’s “game over” for her. Uniqlo often styles their models in smart-casual wear with relaxed silhouettes and subtle pops of color. If a Ghibli character could shop anywhere, it would be here.
Don’t ditch the vest and tie!
Granted, work-casual, formal stuff sounds boring, but it doesn’t have to be. Accessories are what add more interest to the outfit, setting your fit apart from a day in the office. A favorite is a pair of Gentle Monster glasses (or cheap alternatives) with steel, star-studded frames that catch your attention to an otherwise plain fit. Another underrated gem is a solid necktie, especially one filled with pins and mismatched stitches.
You can also mix and match suits— try an oversized jacket with tight-waisted, flared pants. Try on a chunky set of loafers, and maybe you can finally reach that 6’2 ft height on your dating profile. You wear the suit, not the other way around, so do whatever your heart desires.
“He was a skater boy”
Even with all that suit talk, somehow, the skater-boy aesthetic will never truly fade from a woman’s heart. Sometimes, the collar and tie are best left for special occasions, my friend Ivy Tan— an expert in fashion as much as she is in public policy— said. For the everyday, this men’s fashion trend is here to stay, she said with a lot less rhyme.
For those who don’t know, the skater boy makes use of layers of baggy clothes, offering a relaxed silhouette with a little more grunge than the average Studio Ghibli fit. It usually revolves around more muted colors to give that cool look without wearing all black all the time. Some skater boy non-negotiables include beat-up sneaks, baggy jeans, and layers of hoodies. Skateboards are optional but revered.
There’s just something about having deliberately (emphasis on deliberately) baggy clothes, Ivy said. Baggy clothes just compliment a guy’s body better, unlike skinny jeans that look like they’re about to cut off their circulation. In other words, the right baggy layers look effortless yet still put together.
For Martina, she loves when her boyfriend dresses like a skater because it isn’t too far off from his usual outfit. She and I joke about how her boyfriend doesn’t change anything at all – he wears a hoodie, a graphic tee, and jogging pants. If she could style him, she would choose the exact same baggy clothes but with colors that aren’t bright orange and neon blue. She loves the aesthetic only because it’s the one that best represents the boy she loves.
Whatever a girl’s reasoning may be, the skater boy often brings out the best in guys without changing them completely. For most of you, this is where you should look if you want to dress for the female gaze but don’t know where to start. You probably already have the clothes in your drawer under all those socks and wrinkled sweats.
If all else fails, dress like her!
No, I’m not kidding. Dress like her. I’m not telling you to wear a dress unless you want to, then I won’t judge. But if you have no idea what to wear, just look at her closet and see what best suits you both.
Trust me, this isn’t just for her. It’s for you. Vogue wrote that dressing like your crush is not only a niche, romantic way of saying you like her, but it’s also a great way to boost your self-confidence. We usually look at our crushes like they’re the coolest, awesomeest people in the world, and dressing like them can actually make you feel that way about yourself, too.
Don’t go to the extreme and steal her clothes. Try taking note of what she usually gravitates towards — the kinds of crewnecks or the kinds of headphones. Don’t be scared to try something a little more feminine. You don’t have to wear a skirt, but how about a skirt over pants? I mean it. If you really wanna impress her, try to think of how you can put your own spin on her things.
It’s easy, trust me
For example, Sophia said that she wishes guys would try more makeup. She isn’t thinking of the whole winged eyeliner with ultra-blue sparkly shadows, but maybe some light, natural blush and a little lip tint. Personally, I think nail polish would add an extra layer to an outfit, too, making any skater boy stand out. All cosmetics do is highlight the best parts of you — nothing to be afraid of!
Selah Felkins, my roommate, on the other hand, said she appreciates it when her fiancé wears a simple pullover and some khakis. Simple, but that’s exactly her style. If she isn’t wearing all black like it’s someone’s funeral, she is wearing a college pullover and a timeless set of denim shorts. Considering she’s the only one engaged in this article, I’d say she knows a thing or two about men’s fashion.
Ivy also said she would love it if guys could wear a Jeffrey Lovery Boy beanie (the viral beanies that look like cat ears) like the one she has at home. It might seem more feminine at first, but the sharp edges add a unique contrast to the usual winter look. Also, there’s a reason why Ivy and I love K-pop idols. Try and guess why.
If you’re reading this section of the article and thinking this is ridiculous, I have three things to say to you. One, not all girls’ clothes are the flowy sundress you’re so scared of. Two, we’ve established that if you really liked her, you would pay attention to what she likes. Three, there’s a reason you’re reading this article, and it’s probably because you don’t know how to dress — if it isn’t your girl, who else is gonna teach you?
Girlfriend Styling 101
Still need a little help? Well, here’s an example of how I styled my boyfriend. When I was styling him, I was thinking of clothes that I would personally wear. What came to mind was everything baggy and everything with color.
I centered everything around the shirt, which may seem plain but has a beautiful print of French toast and heart-shaped jam on the back. Since the shirt itself is plain in front, I juxtaposed it with an interesting set of wide-legged jeans with several useless pockets and a unique wash of greenish-blue. I topped everything off with a brown leather jacket, referencing the French toast print and adding a more grunge feel to the look.
That necklace wasn’t my choice, though — it was his, and I love it. Personally, I hate jewelry, but he’s a big fan, and not letting him have it just doesn’t seem authentic to who he is. At the very end, I’m not trying to change him. I’m trying to pick clothes that compliment him, too, which is what dressing for the female gaze is all about.
Time to man up!
At the end of the day, dressing for the female gaze is all about putting in the effort to be your best self. You’re not supposed to make yourself uncomfortable by dressing in something you hate. If she really likes you, she’ll appreciate whatever you try to pull off. But, you know, it never hurts to iron your clothes and fix your hair, now does it?
