Gen Z is a generation with connection at their fingertips, yet they are struggling with depression at worrisome levels. The percentage of prevalent feelings of depression among college freshmen was 45.3 percent, according to the National Library of Medicine. These same Gen Z individuals reported feelings of loneliness and distress for the future.
With all this in mind, it’s important to understand what to say to a friend or family member who might be struggling with depression.
Let’s try avoiding those unfortunate slips of the tongue with the following common misconceptions of depression.
Here are four phrases a person may accidentally use when addressing another person’s depression and the feelings associated.
1) ATTENTION: “You are not trying hard enough.”
Parents with Gen Z kids often use phrases like this one to put blame on the person with depression who they believe is lazy or acting in a way to garner attention.
“It’s all in your head,” parents or family members might say. “Just snap out of it.”
Depression isn’t something that a person can just wake up and decide it’s all in their head, and they’re not feeling overwhelming sadness.
As a parent, friend or family member, it’s important to not tell somebody who is depressed that they must just want attention and they’re being selfish.
Sentiments that a person isn’t trying hard enough are harmful to their mental health and detrimental to a person’s recovery.
Older generations hold the view that life for a Gen Z person is easier than it was for them and therefore diminishes that person’s feelings.
Consider reframing these ideas as asking helpful questions like if the person has tried speaking with a doctor.
A person with depression isn’t lazy or not trying hard enough but rather experiencing the stigma surrounding these feelings, which makes it difficult to try reaching out.
2) SHAME: “You should stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
Friends, both online and IRL, don’t always understand what it’s like to live with depression or the feelings of shame that may accompany it.
“Think about all the good things in your life,” a friend or family member might say. “There are people who have it much worse than you.”
People think they can help someone with depression by suggesting ideas like everybody has bad days, which only reinforces feelings of overwhelming hopelessness.
A common strategy people take with addressing a person with depression is to compare their situation to that of another person or group.
In reality, this comparison isn’t helpful for a person struggling with depressive thoughts.
These related phrases invalidate the feelings of someone with depression and can make them feel worse for not being able to feel a form of gratitude.
Gen Z is a generation wrought by comparing themselves to others because of social media, which leads to anxious feelings and negative self-talk.
When speaking to someone with depression, avoid these kinds of phrases to ensure their feelings aren’t invalidated and feelings of shame don’t worsen.
The ideas of comparison are difficult to rephrase and it’s best to avoid this language.
Instead, simply take on the role of listener in this situation to not dismiss or invalidate any feelings of shame.
3) EMPATHY: “You will get over it soon.”
Oftentimes people will mean well and try to empathize with someone dealing with depression.
“I understand what you’re going through,” they might say. “I know exactly how you feel.”
It’s always good to know that Gen Z has some empathy after all the cruelness that pops into a person’s algorithm while doomscrolling.
The problem with this approach is that there is no way to know exactly what someone’s experience is or how they feel.
Even if it is true that you are dealing with depression, your experience does not match another person’s feelings.
This empathy is misplaced but comes from a good place of wanting to let somebody know that you will get over it and learn to handle depression.
However, everyone is on a different journey and at different paces.
It’s important to exercise empathy but saying these things to someone with depression might make them feel like their own feelings are being minimized.
No situation is eactly the same and people experience depression in different ways.
Instead of empathy, try using sympathy to validate their feelings and listen to their unique personal experience with depression.
4) HAPPINESS: “You don’t need to be so negative.”
Let’s just tell the profoundly sad person to choose happiness, surely that will cure their depression, right?
“It’s a choice or state-of-mind,” someone might say. “Try harder to be positive.”
Not everyone experiencing depression can fake it until they make it.
People that use these phrases often will suggest someone with depression do more yoga or practice meditation.
Perhaps the most insulting suggestion someone with depression might get is to drink more water, as if their problem is dehydration.
As with the previous phrases that should not be said to someone with depression, this one is also meant well.
Someone with depression can’t turn off their brain or flip a switch to magically balance the chemicals.
Yoga and meditation can be helpful self-care tools but just doing these won’t stop depression.
It’s better to reframe these ideas by talking about your own self-care regiments without pushing them onto someone with depression.
Consider the power of silence and just being there for support without having to interject your own opinions.
If you’re struggling with depression and need support, call the National Suicide Hotline 24/7 1-800-273-8255.
