“But it’s the last weekend of the semester,” “You’re going to miss out if you don’t come,” “Don’t be a loser, I haven’t seen you go out in a month,” are phrases I have heard this past semester countlessly as a college freshman. Have they convinced me to go out? Not at all. I’ve faded many parties and social events this semester with no FOMO or regrets — and you can too
Fading, an evolved slang word, means choosing to miss an event or cancel plans, whether that’s a party, dinner with friends, a late-night study session, or any other social commitment. To me, fading means choosing myself and my well-being over my social responsibilities, respectfully.
FOMO, or the fear of missing out, is a large obstacle for college students, especially those who struggle with anxiety (which is most of us). As an extroverted introvert, deciding social plans has been the bane of my existence. After a long week of classes, assessments, and homework, the last thing I want to do is get out of my bed, put on an uncomfortable outfit, and spend way too much money on drinks, Ubers, and the occasional Taco Bell DoorDash after a night out. However, being in a sorority at a party school makes socializing every day seem mandatory instead of optional. Nonetheless, I have learned that anything social I do not want to do can be optional, and that putting myself first can actually make me a better friend, colleague, student, and sorority member, even if I choose to stay in instead of socializing.
My Past Semester
During my last semester, my social life changed rapidly. My first semester consisted of lots of nights in, early bedtimes, long days at the library, and very little partying. I was convinced that I wasn’t the party type; I found myself never enjoying the “glamour” of staying out late, partying, drinking, and feeling awful by the time I got home. I found myself constantly texting my friends, “Sorry, I’m going to fade tonight, I need to catch up on my work”.
The second semester, my social life took a complete 180. I decided to register for sorority recruitment on a whim, and did not realize how much my social group would grow after that decision. Greek life can seem very daunting, and it definitely felt like that for me. I focused on my studies and was unsure whether I could take on something that would fill my schedule immensely.
With this new addition to my life, I wanted to make the most of the benefits of being a sorority member. I introduced myself to as many people as I could, and tried my best to socialize as much as my schedule allowed me to. With this, I realized that a usual place for socializing in Greek life is parties. For someone who rarely goes out, this was a significant change in my life. After spending a couple of weeks going out three or four times a week, I realized how quickly I burned out, and how it showed in my academics. I needed time for myself, and I needed to develop better time management skills.
I was conflicted with myself. Everyone around me seemed to be able to balance their academics while going out several times during the week, but why couldn’t I adapt? Although it took me a while to realize it, I understood that I might need more time to myself during the week to perform my best academically, physically, and socially, and that’s okay. Here is my advice on how to perform your best while also having a social life.
Being Okay Being By Yourself
A significant part of deciding to stay in is being able to be okay alone. Battling FOMO as a college student is one of the hardest parts of balancing parts of your life. We are all growing and changing, going through different parts of life, and constantly comparing ourselves to our peers. FOMO can apply to anything: missing a party, a chill hangout, a dinner with friends. FOMO is hard to fight, but my biggest advice is to trust yourself and your decision to stay in. No matter what your friends say, there WILL be other parties, dinners, coffee dates, movie nights, and other opportunities to be your best self and make memories. It is not worth it to spend what is left of your social battery to please your friends. Know your worth and trust your decisions, and FOMO will fade away.
To be okay by yourself and battle FOMO, there are a few tips and tricks to enjoy your night in without overthinking.
Step 1: Turn Off Your Phone
Our phones can be our biggest enemies sometimes. Seeing your friends’ posts or messages about the event you decide to miss can make FOMO worse, so to save yourself the stress, put that phone away for the night.
Step 2: Plan Out Your Week In Advance
If your upcoming week is filled with exams, projects, and heavy class schedules, that’s a sign to ease up on your weekend to mentally prepare yourself for your week ahead. Take the night off and help your future self crush those exams and have a great week by making to-do lists, catching up and getting ahead of assignments, tidying up your room to have a clean space for the week. Any step you take is self-care and still very productive, so don’t let yourself regret staying in!
Step 3: Invite Your Friends Over
If you’re feeling like you want to be social but too exhausted from your week to leave the house, invite your friends over instead. Having a night in, ordering food, and putting on a great movie is relaxing, incredibly entertaining, and building great memories to look back on after college. Just because you’ve had a long week and need a break doesn’t mean you have to be alone!
Setting Your Boundaries
In no way am I suggesting to forget about your social life just because you care about your grades. There are many ways to balance your social life and your academics to cater to both parts of your life. During easier weeks where you have fewer assignments than usual or days off, it might be more attainable to go out more than one or two nights of the week. If your week is busier and you might not even make it out, that’s more than okay. College is about time management and finding your groove and what fits for you — stay true to yourself and your schedule, and don’t force yourself into anything that will make you feel uncomfortable.
Fading is not about being antisocial or a homebody; fading is about choosing yourself and being confident in your decisions. People love to say that if you’re not saying yes to everything, you’re wasting your college years. I’d love to debunk this myth — missing one or two nights a week will make you enjoy your college years even more by avoiding burnout.
Signs You Need to Stay In by Karli CoskunFinding a Balance
Fading is all about balance. It’s important to understand what you enjoy and what you don’t. In my life, I find myself prioritizing chill hangouts, dinners, and meaningful conversations with my college friends instead of pregames. I feel more fulfilled in a softer space with genuine conversation, and that’s okay.
Not every social event will fulfill you the same way. I find myself more fulfilled in quieter environments, and I still enjoy the occasional party environment just as much. Balance is so important. College for you does not have to look like the stereotypical loud and chaotic college environment. You’ll find what college looks like for you by knowing what events make you feel fulfilled.
Through joining a sorority and participating in Greek life, I found some of my favorite people in college. I love spending time with them in any setting — a party, eating dinner together, or even just sitting around in a dorm room. For me, I realized that the most memorable nights I had were the ones that weren’t loud or crowded, but intimate and conversational. I’ve also found that I have enjoyed going out so much more with them than I did during the first semester. It’s important to find your people, and you might find yourself enjoying different environments more than you thought you would.
Because I love my friends so much, I could spend time with them in any setting and be fulfilled. If you find yourself not enjoying a specific environment, like partying, ask yourself if it is the physical environment that’s bothering you or the social environment you’re putting yourself in. It is so normal to enjoy your company more than your environment, and that’s a sign you’re spending time with the right people.
Find What Is Just Right For You
Recently, I met up with my friends from high school. We all attend different universities far away from each other, so we had lots to catch up on. I happily told my friends about my past semester at Syracuse University. With a heavier class schedule than the previous semester, I had more assignments and exams than usual. With a larger social life this semester, I found myself more occupied than last semester. To avoid burnout and to prioritize my mental health, I found a balance between the two parts of my life. I can happily say I came out this semester performing my best academically, and also having an incredibly entertaining and memorable year.
It is important to find YOUR balance — not what works for others, but what is catered perfectly towards you. It might look like my balances, or it might look totally different but totally perfect for you.
Forget FOMO and Find Yourself
College social life can make you think that you’re the odd one out. You’re the only one who stays in, you’re the only one who might not always enjoy partying. Don’t let this false narrative get to you. It’s totally normal to enjoy staying in, either just as much or more than going out. The biggest lesson of college is time management and finding your balance between social life and academics. That balance can look different for everyone, so don’t try to fit yourself in a box built on a false narrative.
FOMO is a dangerous feeling that causes unnecessary insecurity and anxiety. It’s a common misconception that fading multiple social events can cause major FOMO, but with a balance, social boundaries, and knowing how to be okay by yourself, fading isn’t missing out. Fading is choosing yourself.
Although many say your college years go by in a blink, take that with a grain of salt. You have 4 years to prepare yourself for adulthood, job life, and everything else that comes with being a grown-up. You also have 4 years to have the best time of your life. It is your job to balance that accordingly, even if it is as hard as it sounds. Treat yourself with kindness, perform your best, and have as much fun as you can in any way, shape, or form it takes.
