How Studying Abroad Changed My Relationship With Anxiety

I am trudging down the stairs, finally coming out of class. It is foggy outside. It is winter, and I am wearing layers of clothes. My phone pings with an email alert, and I dig into the side of my jacket to try to find it. I turn it on to see that an email has been sent from the study abroad program. I yelp. I quickly set down my backpack in the middle of the sidewalk, not caring for the people walking beside me. I take off my gloves and click the link in the email. 

Congratulations! You have been accepted into this summer’s study abroad program. I read these bold words as confetti is sprinkling down the page. 

I jump up and down, excitement coursing through me, warming me from the cold. I can’t believe this, I thought. I immediately sent a screenshot to my family group chat and my best friends. They all reply with congratulatory messages.

Later that day, I am in my Zoom meeting with my therapist. I tell her about my thrilling news, and she applauds. I tell her I need a signed note permitting me to go. She then asks me, “I’m glad to write one for you, but are you ready to leave for the summer?” 

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a month ago. Unlike today’s news, I wasn’t jumping up and down when my therapist told me this. I wasn’t shocked by this outcome, more so relieved. I had been struggling with school recently, getting low grades and lacking motivation to do any homework. I was being pulled from completing my responsibilities and from having my mind clouded by thoughts about whether I was on the right path. However, I felt that a change of environment might help me regain motivation. 

“I think I will be,” I respond to her.

Why Saying Yes is Important

Adapting myself to new places is my worst-case scenario. At my university, it took months before I had actual friends I could talk to comfortably. Fear began to creep up my neck; the uncertainty of making friends abroad sent me into a spiral of thought. I know no one in this program, and even fewer locals here!

I wouldn’t be able to have control of anything. I like to be familiar with everything beforehand. I need control over knowing everything, so nothing unexpected disrupts my routine. And I knew that being abroad, I would not have any of this. I Googled and researched as much as I liked, but I couldn’t possibly understand what it feels like to live in Edinburgh. Being physically present is entirely different from being virtually present.

I am finally across the world, now what?

I had landed in London and was now on the train, about to get to my stop, Edinburgh. The train has large windows that let you see the beauty outside. That was the first instance of inspiration that I came upon. As soon as I stepped out, it was as if I could breathe so much easier and fresher than I ever had. 

Until it became overwhelming. During orientation, there were many unfamiliar faces. Even though I found it intimidating to talk to these new people, I would’ve had to interact with them one way or another. If I were stuck with them for the next month, I would at least try to socialize with them.

So that’s what I did. It seemed like I wasn’t the only one who feared being so far away. I did feel lonely because when I wasn’t in class or with classmates, I was essentially alone. I couldn’t keep my regular FaceTime routine with my best friend or family because they weren’t awake at the same time I was. 

Apart from my little tumbles, I can regenerate and calm myself down in this new environment. When I am in my college town, I feel trapped in a society that only pertains there. But not here. This place is an open door to letting myself go and just being in the present. 

Some of my best memories are from going out with a group of classmates, which gave us a chance to get to know each other and the city together. Our first night in Edinburgh, we all went out to the pubs, and I had ordered my first beer! I also won a dance competition at a drag show; it was wild! We also did other activities, like visiting museums, taking a train to nearby cities, attending a Ceilidh dance class, road-tripping to the Isle of Skye, and hiking Arthur’s Seat.

As much as I loved my outings with my classmates, I also didn’t forget my solo dates. This was one of the things that helped me center myself. I took myself out to new coffee shops, went walking alone in the city streets, sat in parks and journaled, and ate dinner alone. This trip made me prioritize my alone time and find peace in it. Even finding a good spot to lie down and just breathe gave me enough energy to finish a stressful day.

Staying focused

At first, it was difficult to balance schoolwork with the urge to explore town and check in with myself. This imbalance made me realize new things about myself. I learned that I strive to have a routine. It was challenging to create one in such a short amount of time, but I managed. 

I began going out to nearby coffee shops before my class, asking questions to satisfy my curiosity. There was this time when I went to a coffee shop named OQO – Your Coffee Nook. I bought this scone with butter and jam. The worker asked if I wanted to learn how to prepare the scone, and I agreed. He taught me to put the butter in first, let it melt, and then add the jam, but he said everyone has their own way of preparing it. Personal things like these are what make experiences like study abroad special. You get to really dig deep into a culture that you may or may not be familiar with.

Through my journalism class, I learned that every person in the world has a unique story. For one of my assignments, I had to go outside and ask a local about the latest city news. After class, I walked about two blocks and noticed some men with yellow vests picking up trash. I went to one of them and asked him to answer a few questions for an assignment. He smiled, glad to have been spoken to. I started conversing with him, and he taught me the entire waste management system of Edinburgh. We had a lovely conversation, and he gave me some recommendations to explore in town at the end of it. This was the second time I felt inspiration.

It was inspiring to reframe the idea of talking with other human beings. I owe a great deal of appreciation to my professor and class, as they helped me become more confident when speaking with others. They taught me not to automatically shy away from talking to a stranger because of my fear of how others perceive me. Having this force to interact with others served as exposure therapy, helping me learn a great deal about Scottish culture.

Advice on Staying Studious

While abroad, I wanted to explore new places every day, but I didn’t have enough time because I had homework. I struggled to balance rest time, giving assignments sufficient attention, and socializing with my classmates. I didn’t develop a routine until halfway through the program, and I wish I had asked for help sooner.

An academic advisor from the University of Davis, California, mentioned some tips that might have been useful before I went to study abroad:

• Don’t be afraid to ask for support. Don’t judge, open your mind, and find it interesting. You are learning about cultural and educational perspectives.
• Do grounding exercises. Being in the present. A lot of the time, stress comes from ruminating on the past or worrying about the future.
• Speaking to an academic advisor before leaving. You don’t have to do it alone.
• Have a weekly schedule: what are your priorities? At the beginning, jot down when your finals and papers, the “big deadlines,” are due. Scheduling study time, a morning and night routine, and room time for yourself. Having this foundation will allow you to pivot.
• Use Google Calendar, familiarize yourself with labeling and tasks. Creating a schedule with fun is mastering organization.
• Come up with an exploration routine. What does it look like?

“Everyone needs some sort of guidance; there is not one example that fits all. Find out what works best for you.”

Academic Advisor, University of California, Davis

Change in Perspective: Regaining Motivation

All in all, this experience opened up my eyes to a broader world. At the beginning of college, I was struggling to find my own path and doubting whether I even belonged there. Studying abroad taught me to find myself. It showed me a world full of opportunities, especially in Edinburgh, where art is everywhere, drawing creative inspiration.

It did not take away my anxiety, but it made me view it from a more confident viewpoint. I accepted that it was part of me and not something that strips away who I am as a person. Sometimes we are too focused on our daily lives, which is understandable because being present is also essential. However, keep in mind that there is so much more out there; don’t get trapped in a small part of it.

Safe to say that I do belong, as I realized that I am at my own pace. As long as I keep trying my best, it will lead to an acceptable outcome. 

I’ve now found it much easier to talk to new people. It makes me feel good and restores my energy. Making connections is something you learn in college, as you will use them when you graduate. And this is another excellent reason to study abroad. Telling your friends and family about the stories you experience is so rewarding; it lets them relive life through your retelling.