Hey—do you ever feel like you’re not good enough? Like you’re missing something everyone else has already figured out? As if you’re always two steps behind and just one more extracurricular, one more A+, or one more compliment from a teacher, professor, coach, or team leader will finally make you feel satisfied?
I know I feel this way a lot. There’s this constant pressure buzzing in the back of my mind: grow more, improve more. Work out harder, get skinnier, get better grades. Take more classes, add another major, tack on a minor or a certificate, volunteer somewhere new. Keep building the résumé so you can be the best… the best what, exactly? The best person? Student? Athlete?
Where does the push come from?
I’m not a professional—just a college student with too much homework, an overstuffed schedule, and a lot of friends who like to talk. But based on my experiences (and theirs), I have a few thoughts on where this whole “push for perfection” might start.
Oldest Child Syndrome
Full disclosure: I’m the oldest child, and I definitely carry many of the stereotypical pressures that come with that role. I have ten younger siblings (yes, that’s a lot—and no, they’re not all biological). If you’re also the oldest, especially with a big family behind you, you probably get the pressure to perform. You’re supposed to set the example. You’re the third parent. The guinea pig. The helper. The one who jumps in when needed. The one who can do it all herself.
Maybe your experience was different, but for me—and for most of my oldest-sibling friends—it’s a familiar pattern.
In childhood, I heard a lot of “you’re the oldest, we need you to help with this,” so I did. I did the chores; I tried to be the hero. The responsible one. The one who did things right and did them well.
But here’s the thing: I wasn’t magically the most talented. And as your younger siblings get older, they start getting better than you at things. Shoutout to my ridiculously athletic siblings who achieved way more on the courts and fields than I ever could.
I loved seeing them succeed. But underneath that pride, there was also this quiet desperation to keep being “good enough.” I felt like I needed something—some talent or role—where I still mattered. And it didn’t matter that I was good at a lot of things, because I always needed to be doing more. There was always some imperfection, something missing that needed to be added, and I was in a desperate search for it, pushing for the unattainable goal of perfection.
Hustle Culture
I know you’ve heard the term before, and it’s probably faded into the background like a droning teacher. (Don’t lie—even the best students lose focus sometimes. And if you do catch everything, contact me—I want your secrets.)
Anyway—hustle culture.
The first image that comes to mind is suited-up businesspeople sprinting around like chickens with their heads cut off. (Have you actually seen that? I haven’t, but my brother did. He said it was hilarious. Personally? Not my cup of tea/coffee/water.)
But hustle culture isn’t just a funny image. It’s the mindset that we must always be working, always be productive. Sounds good, right? But… should we really be this obsessed?
At my college, most students were top 10% in high school and packed with extracurriculars—valedictorians, leaders, achievers. They’d been pushing for perfection their entire lives. Amazing people… but success isn’t only about how hard we work.
You’ve heard the cliché, “joy is in the journey”—maybe you brushed it off, but it’s true. Focusing only on the finish line makes you miss the path entirely. Loving what you do, even just a little, is a gift we can’t afford to ignore.
But hustle culture keeps our eyes glued to the end goal—and then makes us feel guilty for not grinding harder during the journey. We’re expected to run at 100% (or 110%) all the time. Inspirational videos don’t praise people who rest. They shout “NEVER STOP,” “KEEP PUSHING,” and “NEVER GIVE UP.”
The story of an athlete
My high school coaches repeated those phrases nonstop. “Practice makes permanent,” and “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Great ideas in theory—but they’re missing something important.
I followed their advice. And it brought a lot of pain.
Imagine being in my shoes:
You’re sprinting down the basketball court, red-bottomed shoes pounding the freshly cleaned floor. Sweat has pasted your curly brown hair to your forehead, itching and slipping into your eyes. Noise surrounds you, but nothing stands out—it’s just you and the court.
You hear the pound of the ball, and someone barely manages to shout your name.
You look up and see the orange basketball, bright against the dull gray metal beams, floating toward the hoop. Your body reacts before you can think, moving into position to rebound as the ball tips away from the net.
It drops toward you.
You jump.
You reach.
Your fingertips graze the textured surface—almost.
As you land, your legs tangle with another girl’s. She had the exact same idea. There’s barely a moment for panic before you fall backward, your legs yanked upward, and your head smacks the hard gym floor.
Everything goes black.
A few minutes later, I was sitting on the bench. The coach asked when I could go back in. I stood up immediately, shoved down the dizziness, and was playing again within minutes.
The headaches lasted six months.
I finished the whole season, only missed one practice, and relied on pain meds just to function as a sophomore in high school.
This is the danger of hustle culture. It doesn’t stay confined to the job market. Unfortunately, it seeps into our sports, our academics, our friendships, our worth. It pushes us past healthy limits—and convinces us that doing anything less is failure.
Voices
From my coaches, the pressure was mostly verbal. But it wasn’t just them—it came from parents, teachers, and even friends. I still remember sitting in class and hearing a teacher say, “If you have homework, it doesn’t matter if you’re tired. You stay up as late as necessary to get it done.”
I’ve heard my friends casually say things like, “I pulled an all-nighter studying for that exam,” and I remember my camp director praising a counselor for not taking her scheduled break. Pushing for perfection and avoiding rest in order to do more, push harder, or “stay dedicated” is constantly admired.
People who double or triple major are applauded for their commitment. People who work 24-hour shifts are celebrated for their grit. The more achievements you stack and the more exhaustion you tolerate, the more impressive you seem. Meanwhile, “normal” people—those with healthy boundaries, full nights of sleep, and actual contentment—get pushed to the side. There’s nothing flashy about them because they’re not burning themselves out for the sake of accomplishments. They aren’t the heroes… right?
But taken the wrong way, these messages plant some pretty harmful beliefs. They turn “be responsible” into “ignore your body.” Now “do your best” means “never rest.” And that’s exactly how hustle culture creeps in—quietly, wrapped in advice that sounds wise but ends up pushing us in really unhealthy, perfectionistic directions.
Academic Honors
When I was in 8th grade, I was given a few trophies. They were cheap, plastic things with tiny plaques on the bottom that said things like “Highest GPA in 8th Grade History,” “Algebra 1,” and “Life Science.” They shouldn’t have meant much—but somehow they ended up meaning almost everything to me.
People complimented me on the awards, and, like most people, I loved the attention. It made me feel happy… for about five seconds. Then I wanted more. So I started looking up every possible honor I could win and set out to achieve them all.
Unfortunately, there were plenty of people who were better than me in sports, academics, speech, music, and art. I didn’t win everything I chased after, and it made the things I did win feel empty. Useless, even. But still, there was this constant push behind me: keep going, keep achieving, keep stacking your résumé, keep filling your schedule.
I told myself I was doing it for good reasons—but eventually, I wasn’t working toward anything meaningful. I was working because I’d convinced myself I needed just one more thing to finally be good enough. But that feeling never stopped. No matter what I achieved, the bar moved again. And until I finally learned to let go of that mindset, I was miserable.
The good things about the “push for perfection”
This isn’t all bad, you know. (Well, I know, and I’m here to tell you.) Wanting to improve yourself—learn more, grow, get better—is completely natural and actually really good. None of us should be totally content with staying exactly where we are. Growth is important.
But that doesn’t mean we need to fall apart when we don’t reach every goal. We’re human. We only get one body, one mind, one life—and only 24 hours in a day. And honestly, at least 7.5 of those hours should be spent sleeping. (Yes, sleeping. I promise your body wants that more than another bullet point on your résumé.)
The True Heroes
Earlier in this article, I mentioned how we don’t see “normal” people as heroes. In our culture, it is the highest achievers, the hardest workers, and those with the most impressive list of accomplishments. As we look to mythology, the most powerful heroes, who triumphed over all odds, were the ones who kept working and working, never giving up even when all seemed lost.
Not giving up is great, and it’s a standard worth following. But resting—allowing our bodies and minds to catch up—is not giving up. It’s necessary. It’s healthy. And sometimes it’s the only reason we can keep going at all.
The Tale of Two Girls
Once upon a time, there were two amazing girls. Both of them carried a lot on their plates.
The first was named Lydia. She was a biology major with multiple leadership positions, theater, and more. She sprinted through her life like something was constantly chasing her.
The second was named Eliza. She was also a biology major, worked a part-time job, held several leadership roles, and played sports.
At the end of her sophomore year, Eliza felt energized and ready to dive into her junior year. Lydia, on the other hand, had dropped all her leadership positions and was down to just her job and classes—exhausted and burnt out.
So what was the difference?
Eliza scheduled open meal times to slow down and sit with friends. Lydia skipped meals until she couldn’t anymore.
Eliza gave herself about 45 minutes after dinner to read or watch a show, letting her mind unclench. Lydia pushed herself nonstop, convinced she couldn’t afford rest.
Eliza planned ahead for exams and assignments. Lydia added more to her plate whenever she could and left the rest for last-minute all-nighters.
Eliza’s routine might seem unrealistic, but even a five-minute mental break between study sessions can make a world of difference.
Neither girl escaped the pressure entirely—but one learned how to protect herself from burning out.
You can be a hero for yourself
To be honest, Eliza is my hero. These girls aren’t actually real people, but they’re based on college students and friends I see every day. The ones who, like Eliza, can tell the difference between hard work and obsessive work—those are the people I admire most. They’re the ones I aspire to imitate, because they’ve figured out how to chase goals without losing themselves in the process.
What can be done about this drive?
I gotta tell you, man, it’s a hard life out there. No one said it would be easy, and I’m not going to pretend there’s some magical fix for all of this. I’ve been searching, but I still haven’t found the “3 Easy Steps to Being Completely Content with Your Current Level of Progress.” (If that exists, please send me the link.)
But I have picked up a few habits—things I’ve tried myself and things people I trust have told me—that actually help. They’re not perfect, they’re not miracles, but they make life feel a little more manageable.
Take time to rest
Some of my friends like to rest as soon as they wake up. They take a minute to greet the day, admire the sunrise, and do a bit of reading. My roommate, a talented Chemistry major named Elisabeth, does this—her morning routine is her rest time. See? Rest doesn’t have to be dramatic or complicated. It can be woven right into the normal parts of your day.
Others choose a midday rest: working out, taking an after-lunch walk, or sneaking in an afternoon nap.
Right now, in this stage of my life, I like the after-dinner rest. It’s what fits my schedule, and honestly, what keeps me sane.
Days are long and demanding. Most of us are going nonstop from early morning until four or five in the afternoon. Taking a short break after dinner—especially for college students, but really for anyone—is incredibly helpful. It gives your mind and body permission to slow down.
This “rest” can be anything: watching part of your favorite show, eating a dessert while chatting with someone, going on a walk, or reading a chapter of a book you love.
My personal go-to is some YouTube and a little reading, but I have friends who paint, talk with their roommates, or go on a run. Whatever the activity, these small pauses let your body relax for a bit—and ironically, they make you more productive afterward.
Setting up boundaries
Fixating on homework and work is something I do often, but something that has really helped me is setting strict boundaries. Everyone approaches this differently. Some people make daily to-do lists, others stop working at a specific time each day, and some rely on the people around them to help determine when enough is enough rather than trusting their own often-skewed sense of productivity.
Boundaries aren’t just important for work—they matter in relationships too. I’m no expert, but a few of my closest friends, Madison and Natalie, often struggle because they want to help and be there for everyone all the time. They’re amazing, talented girls with a lot on their plates, and yet they still manage to be incredible friends and mentors.
The reason they’re able to do this, though, is because they set healthy boundaries. They’ve learned how to be present for others while still caring for themselves. These boundaries will look different in every friendship or relationship, but it’s worth taking time to think about your own—are they healthy? And are you healthy being in them?
Boundaries are important, and setting them ultimately leads to a much happier, healthier life.
Go on a walk… outside
This isn’t just about getting exercise—though that’s definitely a great benefit. Step out into the woods, follow a path, or even just wander into your backyard and walk or sit for a little while. Watch the birds, admire the plants, notice people passing by.
See? Even when you stop moving, the world continues. Many people fear this, worrying they’re falling behind or failing if they aren’t constantly pushing for perfection. But what we all need to realize is that the world will continue turning without our help—and it’s okay, even necessary, for us to pause and rest.
But what if I don’t have time for rest?
Make time. I know that sounds blunt, but it’s the truth—you need rest. It strengthens your mental, physical, and emotional health. It helps your brain work more efficiently, protects your body from sickness, and keeps your relationships healthier and more grounded.
And remember: rest doesn’t have to mean sleep. It can be sitting quietly for a few minutes, reading a page of a book, or taking a short walk. Putting too much pressure on what rest should look like can defeat the purpose. What restores one person might exhaust another. You don’t have to rest the same way every day, and you certainly don’t have to rest the way everyone else does.
Mindset matters
Unfortunately, the push for perfection doesn’t disappear just because we rest. It’s still there, and it affects everyone to varying degrees. It is often joined by a closed-off fear of failure, and that is one of the most dangerous things.
I often struggle with the push for perfection, leading me to avoid situations that cause me to fail. Recently, my friend Natalie said that she was scared to attend an interview because she had been rejected from her last three interviews. Fears of failure often paralyze us. However, she pushed past the fear, attended the interview, and ended up getting the job! It is important that we keep our mindset open rather than closed.
The important part is recognizing it in our own lives and being aware of how it drives us. We can use that drive for good—motivating ourselves—without letting it take over. Make time for rest and relaxation, and don’t let your work define your entire identity.
You are so much more than the sum of your accomplishments. Once you realize that, you’ll find yourself happier, more content, and able to fully embrace your true potential—living life to the fullest instead of constantly chasing an ever-moving finish line.
You are more than your grades, your résumé, your achievements, or whether you outdo the people around you. You are a whole person, with one body and one life, and it’s just as important to value yourself as it is your accomplishments. Once you stop measuring your worth by your list of achievements, everything changes. And honestly? That’s when life starts to feel really, really good.
