While the transition from being a teenager to becoming a young adult has historically been hard, it has been infinitely more difficult for the members of Gen Z. But your 20s don’t have to be that scary.
As if it wasn’t hard enough to try and figure out your identity, decide on your lifelong career, and work up to living independently, young Gen Z adults also face a variety of other crises. The COVID-19 pandemic hit during this transition period for many kids born in the early 2000s—including me—which put the whole world on hold just as we were about to enter into it. The younger generation is still feeling the repercussions of this pandemic today, along with a slew of other things. An economic crisis, rising political tensions, and even a war looming on the horizon are all things that young adults have to worry about today. We are simultaneously trying to juggle attending school, working, and figuring out how to survive in what sometimes feels like a crumbling world.
I’ve felt this myself and heard this sentiment echoed among my other friends. Many of my (younger) friends are turning 20 this year, expressing increasing anxiety about no longer being a “teenager.” They, like many of us, have been sold this fantasy of the “perfect” or “correct” way to live your 20s. We’ve been told that these are supposed to be the best years of our lives. We’ve been told that we have to enjoy every second of our youth while we still have it. But a lot of Gen Z today feel confused, disappointed, and scared as they enter their 20s. It’s hard to believe that you’re about to have the “best years of your life” when you’re busy watching the world burn.
So, how are you supposed to “live your 20s right” with everything that is going on?
You probably won’t. And you’ll have to learn to make your peace with it.
The myth of “the best years of your life”
I’m sure every young adult has heard this said before. Even if you haven’t heard it explicitly, the messaging is everywhere. From books, movies, and social media, the glorification of your 20s is prevalent in almost every portrayal of the “young adult” stereotype. Movie stars and influencers will have you believing that your 20s are all about partying hard and living it up, full of fun and lacking any kind of responsibility.
But let’s be real. This is hardly ever the case. And even when it is, it’s hardly as glamourous as it seems.
For years, I’ve been told that I’m “in my prime” or “entering the best years of my life.” But this is rarely true. Many kids were sold this lie about high school, too. Remember high school? Yikes. In hindsight, almost everyone can acknowledge that high school was difficult, yet the media still sells the idea that those years are something to be glorified.
The same is true about your 20s. While media and influencers are better at debunking this myth and replacing it with a more accurate portrayal of your 20s, it’s still something that haunts a lot of young adults. These myths breed a lot of insecurity about “falling behind.” In general, young people feel like there’s a “correct” way to live as a young adult.
But that’s not true. There’s no “right” way to be a young adult. While there are some tips that can apply to your 20s, the truth is that everyone has a different experience.
Figuring life out
The reality is that your 20s are meant for figuring yourself out. People would like to have you believe that there is a set timeline that you have to follow in order to become a fully functional adult: graduate high school, go right into college, graduate after four years, and get a job.
But most people rarely follow that timeline. In actuality, most people are all on completely different timelines for their 20s. I, for example, took a gap year after high school and came to university for the first time at 21 years old, the age that most college juniors and seniors are. My best friend, however, fast tracked her undergrad classes and is now studying at grad school. Another one of my friends isn’t even in college at all; she went right into the workforce and recently welcomed her first child into the world.
A lot of young people feel scared in their early 20s. A lot of us feel ashamed for “not doing enough” or falling behind. We feel insecure and unsure of ourselves, and we worry that we’re not on the right path.
Here’s a secret: you don’t have to be. You don’t have to be embarrassed for not having the next step figured out. It doesn’t mean you’re less of an adult, or that you’re less than anyone who seems to be “ahead.” You can be unsure, you can be confused, you can be overwhelmed, and that’s okay.
If you’re a young adult who experienced the COVID-19 pandemic at a fundamental time in your life, I want to emphasize even more that you may be forging a new timeline based on the changing culture and global landscape that resulted from it. It’s easy to compare yourself to the adults in your life. But the world they grew up in is vastly different than the one we’re living in today.
Not only did we have our lives halted at a critical time—when we were graduating high school or going into college—but we also are coping with the mental and economical effects of COVID-19. It seems like it changed everything: school, work, culture, finances. While most Gen Z-ers tend to brush the pandemic off, it had a great impact on all our lives. So give yourself some grace. There are some aspects of life for young people that are hard and complicated because of the aftermath of COVID. And that’s out of your control.
You’re not alone
A lot of people feel like they’re alone in having these feelings. They feel like they’re the only ones doubting themselves, the only ones who can’t seem to get a solid hold on their life and what they want to do. Those feelings of insecurity thrive on that loneliness, on isolation, on the belief that you’re the only one going through this.
But the truth is that you’re not alone. Far from it, actually. Almost every adult, old and young, still struggles with feeling scared and unsure of themselves, whether they admit it or not. I’ve had many conversations with older people in my life—friends, parents, grandparents—and, overwhelmingly, I’ve heard the same sentiment from all of them: no one knows what they’re doing. Everyone just pretends they have it all together and figured out, but they rarely do. It was comforting to hear that even an adult I look up to and trust, like my dad, doesn’t have it all together. I thought to myself, “if everyone else can do it, even when they feel scared, then I can too!”
Isolation was really prevalent during the COVID-19 pandemic. Physical isolation, of course, to prevent the spread of the virus, but also emotional isolation. Community spaces on the internet became very hostile, cliquey, and unwelcoming. Being overly mean and critical was considered “cool,” and people seized online forums as an opportunity to take out their feelings of depression and hopelessness on everyone else. I believe this started a trend of polarization that has only worsened in the five years since COVID. Nowadays, people seem to be more divided than ever—over politics, social norms, beauty standards, or even art. Everything has to be a debate these days, with a right side and a wrong side to each argument. But the only thing this mindset is doing is making people feel more alone.
So if you feel more lonely and isolated than normal, it’s not just you. People are more lonely than they’ve ever been. And this loneliness is the perfect breeding ground for those feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and self doubt.
If you feel this way, I encourage you to do something brave: talk about it. Talk about it with your friends that also went through COVID at a pivotal young age, because chances are they feel the same way and are dying to hear someone else verbalize it. Talk to your parents or other older adults that you trust. Even if they may not have felt the same effects of COVID in the same way, they can probably relate to the emotions you’re feeling and give you advice for what to do with them.
Having an open, honest, and vulnerable conversation about fear can be like a magical antidote. By doing so, you’re stripping it of all it’s power and getting helpful advice from others all at once!
So, are your 20s really that scary?
Yes, and also no.
Even once you start to figure things out and get a hold on what you want to do in the future, it can still be nerve-wracking. Change is scary, and having to actively pursue that change takes a lot of bravery and motivation.
Sometimes you’ll feel crushed under the weight of your anxiety about the future. Sometimes, though, you’ll also feel so excited that you could conquer the world.
Your 20s, like all of life, are like a rollercoaster—full of ups and downs and twists and turns. The best thing you can do is try to enjoy the ride.
