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Netflix Is Rebooting Sabrina The Teenage Witch, Just Like I Said They Would

The New Version Will Be Darker, Scarier Than The Original

Credit: Netflix

Fans are murmuring about the upcoming Netflix reboot of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and I’d like to remind everyone that I saw this coming from a mile away.

While there’s no trailer yet, sources confirmed that the new version will be a dark twist on the lighthearted original. This information coincides with exactly what I was trying to tell you people all along. But did you believe me? No, of course not. You all laughed at me.

Well, look who’s laughing now.

Netflix has already ordered twenty episodes, one for every time I told you imbeciles it was only a matter of time before they got their hands on my idea.

What everybody’s hoping for is that Sabrina’s snappy feline companion Salem will be getting plenty screen time, just like he deserves. I, for one, couldn’t be more excited to see something I predicted with the clarity of a Delphic oracle finally come to light. And frankly, if they made Salem the main character, I wouldn’t be complaining.

But this new horror-inspired rendition of the classic show has got all of us (except me) asking, what can we expect from a direction so different from the 90s classic?

Some of us may recall the Christmas episode where a vagrant takes up residence in Sabrina’s home. He sleeps on the couch then slowly turns into Santa Claus. Could a similar Christmas special in this series involve him simply robbing them all blind? Will Aunt Hilda strike him dead with the Axe of Asphaltic Fire?

And do we have any guarantee that Salem won’t be replaced by a nightmarish insect with eight thousand legs? I’d tell you the answer, but you’ve never listened to me anyway.

You’ve all taken me for granted, and now you have to live with it.

But one thing’s for sure. I’m very, very excited, and I’m sure all of you are as well. If it’s anything like other Netflix adaptations in the works, it’s bound to be gold.

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