Psst, have you heard? The term “gossip” has been around for centuries, but has gained a pointed association with female defect. Gossip isn’t just the spread of rumors—it strengthens female solidarity, friendships, and divergence from male power.
Gossip stems from the words God and sibb (the latter meaning relative). Initially a noun used to denote godparents or family friends, this term “especially [applied] to women friends invited to attend a birth” (Etymonline).
The prevalence of at-home births, where a small community’s women would gather and converse, only reinforced these “pseudo-kin relations“.
Though gossip is largely associated with women and female connection, the term wasn’t used to describe “idle talk” before the 19th century.
Contemporarily, many recognize gossip as a shameful habit. But for some, especially women, gossip is an entry point or reinforcement to close-knit friendships.
When did gossiping become shameful?
Gossip initially described an exchange of certain information between (family) friends, eliciting feelings of group unity and even membership. The word’s negative connotations developed in tandem with its association with women.
In the 20th century, society reduced gossip to “almost exclusively a female behaviour.” Virtually any conversation between women could be derogatorily labeled as gossip (Journal of Gender Studies).
Additionally, the public treats gossipers differently due to the intersection between age and gender. Old women who gossip are “stirring the pot” and have too much time on their hands, while young women are assumed to spread misinformation through gossip with malicious intent.
Condemning gossip as immoral only fails to acknowledge its nuance as a means of meeting social needs, establishing norms, and group bonding.
More than harmful rumors
Gossip can be a way to seek advice, navigate issues of morality, or just entertain—all of which draw people together. Some of the best conversations I’ve had with friends could be written off as gossip by others!
My friends and I have spread all across different states for school. Getting together and debriefing about roommates, classes, love lives, and family drama has become something we all look forward to.
There’s a sense of unspoken membership and trust established through gossip. We know the people we share with won’t spread that information with outsiders (or, at least, anyone who would escalate these secrets into damaging rumors). Gossiping makes for a relaxed and secure space to share information, lowering boundaries of politeness and social restraint.
Even gossiping about gossiping has been a highlight of my closest female friendships, as many of us agree it’s a group activity. Gossip bolsters feelings of safety, belonging, and solidarity, on top of its obvious entertainment value.
“A lot of men miss out on the nuance found in friendships between women by unthinkingly condemning it,” one friend shared.
It’s also worth mentioning that men gossip too—even as much as women, as one study provided. The difference is that they don’t face the same risks of social stigma or labels that women do.
Men who gossip are either dismissed or emasculated; they’re censured for exhibiting such a “feminine” trait.
In either case, women are inevitably and wrongfully blamed.
Breaking social barriers & building community
Studies suggest that gossip is a small but universal connector for women. By indulging in a behavior that’s passively rebellious or taboo, women divert from the warm and accommodating persona ascribed to them. It provides a way to convey negative emotions—annoyance, anger, or judgment—to other women without the hindrances of gender expectations.
Passing judgment on others and transmitting these negative emotions is one of the main factors stigmatizing gossip. But since gossip usually takes place between friends, this judgment only corroborates social norms and clarifies what we discern as “right” and “wrong.”
In high school, a teacher caught a classmate cheating on a test in a very blatant way. This news quickly spread among my friends, and (though our dislike for the person may have helped) we all strongly disapproved of academic cheating, which reinforced our shared morals.
These stories aren’t just mindless chatter, but an instrument of navigating the individual conscience and fostering platonic intimacy. Therefore, gossip sustains moral unanimity in friend groups through judgment and commentary on the ongoings of third parties.
Whisper networks
The exchange of information about third parties can similarly validate female solidarity and physical safety. In 2021, 78.2% of sexual harassment charges were filed by women. And even though over 1/3 of women experiencing unwanted advances from male coworkers in the workplace, a concerning number of cases go unreported.
To discreetly tip off other female coworkers about dangerous people in a given industry, women have developed informal channels of communication called whisper networks. These channels are a means of protecting each other against sexual harassment. Whisper networks wrapped information in mutual trust and tact, upholding sentiments of solidarity and community not unlike gossip.
In both cases, words travel quietly to avoid garnering attention from those not privy to the cause. This is a reaction to social stigma and organizational shortcomings, which jeopardize women who formally report accounts of sexual harassment.
Gossip and whisper networks rely on women helping each other; though female speech is disparaged, they’re still able to challenge power dynamics.
Reframing gossip
Gossip isn’t the only factor contributing to deep female friendships, but it is a cornerstone of how women connect with each other. Even in routine conversations, it’s a way to diverge from the interception of male control.
Gossip hasn’t fortified my friendships with just women my age; it’s fostered intergenerational closeness, from aunties to neighbors to nail techs.
By labeling the passage of certain information as gossip, society has weaponized the term to both isolate and silence women.
Young women have an opportunity to reconstruct the public perception of gossip. We can acknowledge how the oversimplification simultaneously vilifies and devalues women’s speech.
Reclaiming the term can illustrate gossip as an integral piece of how women connect: with their environments, moral principles, and each other.
