Moving in with a new roommate can bring several challenges. These are my 8 tips to help improve your relationship with your roommate.
As a recent college graduate, I fully understand the awkwardness and intensity of moving in with your first college roommate. It can be extremely stressful. What if they hate me? What if I hate them? What if our comforters don’t match? All of these are very valid questions.
I’ll be honest. When I moved into my dorm for the first time, I didn’t feel good about my roommate. It felt like the end of the world to have to live with someone I didn’t get along with.
Spoiler alert: It was fine.
Through my experience, I discovered the best ways to deal with a rabid roommate. Hopefully, these tips can help alleviate some of the stress and anxiety going into this next phase of your life.
Remain positive
Just stay positive! That’s what nearly everyone’s parents tell them while they are going through the roommate-finding process. Mine certainly did, to which I would respond, “I am positive—I am positive that this is going to go terribly.”
The truth is, if you are negative going into it, you are much more likely to have a bad experience. However, if you go in with more of a positive outlook, it could actually reduce some of that initial tension you might have with your roommate. I get that it sounds stupid, but it will help you much more than you could imagine.
Find your match
Most universities may match you randomly with another student based on a few similarities. However, many universities also offer a platform where you can choose your roommate based on shared interests.
My College Roomie is the app that my university uses. It is essentially a dating app for roommates. You can put in things like music taste, studying habits, and what time you like to go to sleep. You will then find your highest matches and be able to connect with them to become roommates ahead of time. There are plenty of platforms similar to this, so ask your university if they offer this sort of resource.
Beyond this, you can also check social media communities. For almost every university, you can find a Facebook or Instagram page to connect with other students. Don’t be afraid to shoot your shot and find a roommate this way as well.
Plan ahead of move-in
Whether you choose your roommate or are randomly assigned one, it is extremely important that you reach out before you move in together.
In doing this, you can not only coordinate what to bring to the dorm, but you can also interview them and find out areas where you may get along, and others where you may not.
I cannot stress enough the importance of reaching out ahead of time. I made the mistake of not connecting beforehand, and my roommate and I went into our dorm with two fridges, two mirrors, and two microwaves. This all could have been avoided had we spoken more beforehand. Save yourself the hassle and the money, and coordinate sooner rather than later.
Don’t be afraid of reaching out first, either. Your roommate is likely just as nervous as you are. Just a simple message introducing yourself can go a very long way.
Set clear boundaries
Upon move-in, one of the first things you should do is develop a roommate contract. Many universities have students do this as part of their move-in routine. If your university doesn’t have you create one, take it upon yourself.
It may seem silly, but take it seriously. If you don’t want your roommate bringing people into your room at 2:00 in the morning, you need to say it ahead of time.
Setting boundaries makes it much easier to avoid conflict in the future. If you and your roommate start on the same page, you will hopefully be able to stay on the same page for the rest of the year.
Sharing is caring
The concept of sharing is something that people really seem to struggle with. If you’re sharing a space with someone, you will likely have to share some of your belongings with them at one point or another.
Needing to borrow something from your roommate isn’t a bad thing as long as you communicate. Don’t ever take something without asking.
If your roommate asks to use your charger, there truly isn’t any harm in letting them. However, if you’re the roommate that is borrowing something, you absolutely need to return it to them later. One sure way to make your roommate hate you is to borrow something and not give it back.
Be respectful during conflict
If you do experience conflict with your roommate, it is important that you remain respectful. Work to find a solution to the problem rather than just arguing about it.
If your roommate brings someone over while you’re trying to sleep, the last thing you want to do is start a screaming match. Now you’ve made an enemy of your roommate and annoyed your neighbors, who had to listen to the whole thing.
If you feel disrespected by your roommate, you can always contact your university. Most colleges offer some mediation for roommate conflicts.
Get outside
Sometimes, you might get sick of your roommate. The best way to avoid conflict is to do activities outside your dorm. Join a club, make friends you can spend time with, or study in the library. The less time you spend around each other, the less likely you are to get on each other’s nerves.
Being involved at your university will not only improve your relationship with your roommate, but it will also allow you to find more friends outside of your bedroom. This way, you don’t have to depend on your roommate for social interaction.
Nothing lasts forever
At most, you will probably only have to live with your roommate for a semester or two. If you are having minor annoyances with your roomie, it is perhaps better to learn to deal with it in the short term. This can help you build resilience and learn how to deal with difficult people.
However, if your roommate ever does anything to make you feel unsafe, it is important that you tell someone at your university. They are there to help you in any way they can and make sure that you have the best possible college experience.
College is one of the most exciting and formative times of your life. It is a time to discover yourself, make friends, and learn new things. Don’t let a bad roommate ruin that experience for you.
