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Great (and Fairly Low) Expectations: The Bleak Saga of Truss vs Sunak

With only two candidates left in the race to be Prime Minister, the Conservative party must decide between Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss for their next leader.

I T S / Shutterstock

Following the elimination of Penny Mordaunt from the race to be Prime Minister, Conservative MPs will spend the next several months deciding whether Rishi Sunak or Liz Truss will become the next leader of the party. Only two things remain certain – the WEF will win, and the public will remain doomed to an economic downturn.

The resignation of Johnson was, to many poor idealistic bastards, a prospect of change, of hope, of democracy. Alas, with the elimination of Kemi Badenoch, the Conservative party is left to make the difficult choice between Rich Crook #1 and Rich Crook #2. Both Sunak and Truss have told the Conservatives they will amend the mistakes made by the Johnson administration, renouncing their part in Boris’ government in an effort to distance themselves from the scandals of their predecessor. But what promises are they making, and how will they avoid fulfilling them?

Rishi Sunak: An Honest Liar?

Coming from a middle-class background, Rishi’s father was a GP and his mother a pharmacist. Having gone to Winchester College, a private school in England, and later marrying the daughter of a billionaire, Rishi is no stranger to the plight of the working man. During the Coronavirus pandemic, Rishi’s extravagant handouts to struggling families and businesses quickly earned him the title of Dishy Rishi. alas in 2021 Rishi’s reputation quickly soured after his it was revealed that she paid no taxes in the UK, instead investing her money in offshore accounts. And now, having backstabbed the Big Johnson to weasel his way out of trouble, Rishi Rich has entered into the rat race in a bid to become PM. Rishi has spent much of his campaign proudly proclaiming that he will solve the current economic crisis, conveniently ignoring the fact he is largely responsible for it.

Policies

When it comes to taxes, Rishi’s policies are more conservative than that of Truss’s – Fishy has promised to cut taxes “responsibly” in a way that will allow the government to get a grip on inflation. Unfortunately, things will not improve for Rish-Rish on the personal tax front, since it’s difficult to lower your own taxes when you don’t actually pay them. On the healthcare front, Sneaky Sunak plans to put the NHS on “war footing” as a way to reduce the current waiting times and backlog they face. Rishi is admittedly more consistent than Miss Trusst when looking at his attitude towards Brexit, as he intends to make changes to the EU-imposed bureaucracy currently still implemented within British law.

Fishy Rishi
Credit: Shag 7799/Shutterstock

Liz Truss, the Clay Lady

Facing our friend Dishy is Liz Truss, who can only really be described as Thatcher 2. Born in Oxford, Truss initially joined the Liberal Democrats in the early 90’s, before later switching to the Conservative party in 1996. This would not be the only time Truss would emulate the Italians and pick the “change team” option. Many of Truss’s attitudes are more liberal than those of Rishi, having in the past campaigned for causes such as the legalization of cannabis.

Policies

In line with her Thatcherite attitudes, Truss has proposed over £30 billion in tax cuts which she claims will curb the current currency inflation and tackle the cost of living crisis. Truss has dismissed any questions as to how the government will compensate for this, insisting that the UK can afford to do this “within the existing fiscal envelope”. For the NHS, Truss intends to stick with current government spending on healthcare and agrees with Rishi on tackling the current backlog and waiting lists. When it comes to Brexit, Truss has backpedaled on her initial pro-EU politics, having voted Remain in 2016. Her attitude towards changing EU laws is more open than that of her opponent’s attitude, expressing her willingness both to either reform current statutes or completely scrap them if need be.

Liz Truss pulls off her mask to reveal a new one underneath
Credit: Alexandros Michailidis

The Future of the UK

Currently, both Sunak and Truss have a good chance of becoming the next Prime Minister, although that doesn’t mean they have much chance of being a good Prime Minister. Their latest debate held some not particularly positive omens, having been cut short when the presenter passed out. Considering she had to actually listen to the two of them, I don’t blame her. Curiously enough, the two candidates for PM are members of the WEF, though I’m sure there are no other agendas behind that. For now, though, the tension continues to mount as the UK waits in heated anticipation for absolutely nothing to change.

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