Gone are the days of the nuclear family. But did it ever actually exist?
Our current conception of the nuclear family structure–two parents solely responsible for a host of children–is not innate to human life. It is a relatively new hypothesis for family structures that has been hammered into tradition by the last few decades of family representations.
In her debut novel Detransition, Baby, Torrey Peters reflects on the ways Gen Z and Millennials are imagining a future of chosen families. This breaks the mold of the stereotypically “successful” family. In her snippy comedy, Peters realistically depicts the alternative families that both Queer and heterosexual adults have been exploring in recent years.
Households are moving beyond the nuclear family model
We all remember the phrase “It takes a village?” Well, yes. It really does. That’s what Gen Z and Millennials are discovering as people analyze the isolation, instability, and inability of the two-parent household to successfully support the needs of parents and children.
The Pew Research Institute reported that in 2021, the US reached a high of multigenerational family homes with a total of 59.7 million households. After conducting a number of interviews, they linked this increase to the economic hardships faced by two adult households with inflation and the housing crisis. However, a surprising benefit of the surge was that both adults and children reported better well-being and fewer feelings of isolation in their households.
Having more people within the household brings heightened levels of social fulfillment. In multigenerational households, children can go to adults other than their parents for comfort and knowledge. Parents can also go to other adults beyond their spouses for support when dealing with heavy issues.
The return to a non-nuclear family has mostly been caused by economic factors. Despite this, the unintentional social expansion of the household has reminded people of the benefits of communal living. Detransition, Baby outlines what social benefits could accompany a household entirely built with chosen family.
How Detransition, Baby explores chosen family
Peters takes a realistic approach to a wildly unrealistic family structure of two parents raising a child with an ex-partner.
The choice to build a new family structure is made after Ames accidentally gets his boss and hookup partner Katrina pregnant. In deciding whether they will keep the pregnancy, they realize that they’ll need additional support to raise the baby. During their quest to find a supportive third parent, Ames comes to the conclusion that the only person he can co-parent the baby with is his ex Reese.
Ames chooses to rekindle his kinship with his ex years after he detransitions to male, his assigned gender at birth. He does this for security purposes, because he endured extreme gender-based violence as a visibly transgender woman. The crash of dysphoria that follows is something that he needs Reese’s help with. He knows that Katrina, a cisgender woman, can’t understand the odd limbo of not living as his real gender. Ames insists that this is the only viable structure to stabilize his dysphoria.
Katrina and Reese are equally shocked by his suggestion, and Detransition, Baby genuinely examines what it means to reckon with new family layouts. Critic Grace Lavery exalts it, declaring,
“Perhaps Detransition, Baby is the first great trans realist novel? Witty, elegant, and rigorously plotted, Peters’s book breezily plays with the structural conventions of literary realism.”
The most realistic part of this plot is how undeniably Queer it is to ignore major norms in favor of what feels best. The idea of creating a family from friends with whom we have built long-term familial relationships comes from Queer history. The term “chosen family” was first coined by lesbian anthropologist Kath Weston in her 1991 book Families We Choose: Lesbians, Gays, Kinship. Since biological family structures have not historically supported Queer and trans people, chosen families emerged as a space to enhance the comfort, security, and protection that family brings.
Chosen Family in Practice
As creatures of habit, we enjoy clinging to old systems. Over time, we internalize familiar structures as “natural.” However, the high isolation and suicide rates that individualistic societies produce show that people need better support systems within their homes and communities.
One of the best cases for trying a new structure comes from Katrina, who states,
“Maybe the way you see things isn’t working. You’re so sure of how things are, how to do things. But the way you do things ends in funerals.”
This critique is necessary at a time when people feel more alone than ever before. Not only Queer youth, but all people are suffering under the system of solitary living and single-unit households. Our emotional needs as social beings are not being met in small families. While many can’t conceive of a structure beyond the nuclear family, Detransition, Baby insists that we need to start imagining a future with radically different social possibilities.
What Detransition, Baby’s commercial success means
The book’s warm reception with Gen Z and Millennial audiences is a testimony to the shift toward nontraditional households. It has graced several bestseller lists and The New York Times’ 100 Best Books of the 21st Century list.
People have been searching for more imaginative family structures. In this search, Gen Z and Millennials are embracing larger households. Some are looking to expand their households due to economic benefits. Others are craving emotional support. People aspire for their future household to be a blend of chosen and biological families.
The story of Detransition, Baby is not far from realism amidst this era of changing norms. Gen Z is not the first to imagine nontraditional households, but the work of embracing different family structures has been drastically expanded by this generation. Detransition, Baby aptly historicizes our moment. In her breakthrough novel, Torrey Peters follows the tradition of the realist novel but carves her own voice out from the scene. She infuses bits of drama and comedy, noting a more contemporary shift from classical realist novels. Her comedic edge to realism feels right for the Millennial and Gen Z audience.
Books reflect history through the view of the author. It is only natural that the realist novel as a genre adapts alongside our evolving world. The 2020s have been characterized by uncertainty, loss, and technological advances. Saddled with the disrepair of our current norms, younger generations are hoping for brighter futures. Peters grasps at the strange, muddled anxiety of rebuilding our personal lives to better suit us as the world ruptures around us.
