I just celebrated my 26th birthday, and with that comes a little bit of wisdom I’d love to pass on to anyone just starting their 20s. Broken down into some of the major pillars of this defining decade, here are the best dino-nugget-sized pieces of advice I can offer.
Of course, this is all just my perspective. What works for each person’s body, life, and mind will always be different. Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t.
Health and Body
Stop trying to lose weight and instead focus on learning how to eat.
Simple, boring meals made from a handful of whole foods will rarely steer you wrong. Of course, your 20s often involve going out, late-night fast food, drinks, and eating on a budget—but a big bag of rice, a box of pasta, some frozen veggies, and chicken costs about the same as a 2 a.m. Taco Bell run. When most of your diet is simple, balanced food, your body can handle the extra stuff.
Know who your primary healthcare provider is and where your closest urgent care is.
For non-urgent health concerns, know exactly who to schedule an appointment with. But for the in-the-moment 100-degree fever, UTIs, or something that needs attention within hours, urgent care is your best friend—which is different from the emergency room. Don’t confuse the two!
Your mental health will rule your life whether you pay attention to it or not.
The earlier you seek treatment options and accept help, the more months—or even years—you save yourself from untreated depression, anxiety, or whatever you may be struggling with. The sooner you begin to understand this part of yourself, the more of your 20s you can spend integrating it into the person you want to become.
Find an exercise routine you actually enjoy.
It doesn’t have to be lifting weights or running on a treadmill, but regular physical activity does wonders for both your mind and body. When it’s something you genuinely enjoy, it won’t feel like a chore—and it’s far more likely to stay part of your life as you get older, when it starts to matter even more.
If you’re addicted to something—or notice concerning tendencies—take them seriously.
Experimentation with substances and lifestyle is common in your early 20s, and people often grow out of it. But habits have a way of sticking if you ignore them. If something feels off, there’s a good chance it’s worth addressing early. Be proactive about the relationship you have with those behaviors.
Sex and Relationships
Having good sex starts with having a good relationship with your own sexuality.
As you explore relationships and intimacy, continue to foster a relationship with your body outside of that. Pay attention to what makes you feel good, what feels uncomfortable, and what actually turns you on. Especially for women, many early sexual experiences can feel like a blur of being picked and prodded at by men—speaking in broad heterosexual terms—sometimes leaving us confused or even in pain. Taking the time to understand your own body changes that dynamic entirely.
For women, birth control can feel like a frustrating landscape.
There aren’t a ton of options, and most of them affect your hormones (except the copper IUD). But you don’t have to stick with the first option a provider suggests if it doesn’t feel right for your body. Advocate for yourself and keep trying until you find what works best. And learn to track your cycle. You have four phases, and each week can feel completely different from the last. Understanding my cycle genuinely changed how I live my life and how I understand my emotions and energy.
The person who broke your heart knows how badly they hurt you.
They might not care enough to acknowledge it, or they’re avoiding their own shame and difficult emotions. I’ve been on both sides of a breakup, and there’s no amount of crying, begging, or long paragraphs that will change someone’s mind. However dismissed, abandoned, or misunderstood you feel, try to put your phone down and focus on yourself. It’s never worth chasing closure from someone who isn’t willing to give it.
Cherish your friendships just as much as your romantic relationships.
Your friends are the backbone of your life, especially in your 20s. Getting wrapped up in a relationship is normal and exciting, but when things get rocky—or unfortunately end—your friends are the ones there to pick up the pieces. They’re the people you learn from, travel with, rot in bed with, call when you get bad news, call when you get good news, and call when you’re bored. Don’t neglect the relationships that will likely outlast most of the romantic ones.
Destigmatize talking about sex.
Especially when you’re first having more of it, get comfortable discussing it, learning about it, and asking questions. Don’t get stuck in a cycle of shame or embarrassment. Sex can be awkward, and it’s rarely as effortless as it looks in movies or TV. Bodies do strange things, timing is imperfect, and it’s an incredibly vulnerable experience. Don’t pretend you’re not feeling that—everyone is. And get a good vibrator. Self-pleasure is one of the best ways to explore your body and build a healthy relationship with your own sexuality.
Work and Career
Whatever job you think you’ll have after college is probably not the one you’ll end up with.
Not in the way you’re imagining it, at least. Your 20s are for trying on different hats. Your first job might be something you love, something you hate, or something you do for a year before trying something else entirely. Don’t get too attached to the title or career map you had in your head. Things tend to work themselves out in ways you couldn’t have planned anyway.
If you’re not pursuing a traditional career path or trade, don’t let too many years pass without thinking about your direction.
Many of my close friends who waitressed, barista-ed, or bartended through the first half of their 20s are starting to feel a little lost as time passes. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing those jobs long-term if that’s what you truly want—but if you have other goals, keep them simmering on the back burner. Don’t shove them in the back of the fridge where you’ll forget about them.
Getting good at what you do—and learning how to talk to people—takes time.
Half of working is simply learning how to communicate effectively, and that’s an entire skill set on its own. Give yourself some grace when you first enter the workforce. It can be overwhelming just trying to do the job while also figuring out your work style, how you accept feedback, speaking up in meetings, and managing different personalities. If you feel anxious or like you have no idea what you’re doing, understand that most people feel that way for a long time.
If you’re burnt out, it’s okay to step back if you can.
Whether that means taking time off or working a less stressful job for a while, burnout usually doesn’t just disappear on its own. If something needs to shift, let it shift. It’s not failure—it’s listening to your body and your nervous system.
Money will come and go.
Sometimes you’ll have a lot, and sometimes you’ll have almost none. That’s part of life, especially in your 20s. Just try not to run up your credit cards beyond what you can reasonably pay off. Debt has a way of lingering long after the moment that caused it.
Connection to Self
There will be a handful of things you find yourself continuously tripping over.
As I’ve gotten older, the day-to-day circumstances of my life have changed, but the same underlying threads of who I am tend to show up in everything I do. Pay attention to these patterns early and think deeply about them. The way we perceive ourselves, the relationship we have with ourselves, and how we process our emotions and triggers all play major roles in our lives. The same lessons will keep presenting themselves until we learn to respond to them differently.
Learn to see the good in the world.
As simple as it sounds, if you open your perspective and allow yourself to get excited about life, you can add a surprising amount of happiness to your daily experience. There is a lot of goodness and love around us if we’re willing to notice it. Count the good things that happen, not just the bad.
Your relationship with yourself will define how you handle everything else life throws at you.
Grief, heartbreak, addiction, family relationships, career decisions, friendships, adversity—how you exist in your own body matters deeply. Learning to be comfortable alone, holding compassion for yourself, and staying connected not just to your mind but to your whole body can literally save your life. Diving headfirst into repairing my relationship with myself has saved me countless times.
Get out of your comfort zone.
The phrase is overused, but growth really does happen faster when you build trust with yourself through new experiences. Do things when you’re scared. Or anxious. Get up and move even when you’re not sure you can. Whatever happens, you’ll survive your worst days, and you’ll almost always learn something along the way.
Spend less time worrying about what other people think of you, and more time considering how you feel about yourself.
Where do your insecurities live in your body? How do you carry your shame? What do you genuinely love about yourself? You can show up more fully for the people and things in your life when you’re walking in stride with yourself. We all live in the external world, but we interpret it through our own lens—so be intentional about the one you’re looking through.
Your 20s are chaotic, confusing, frustrating, inspiring, incredibly freeing, and full of moments of wonder and self-discovery. The years will pass regardless, so don’t put off the internal work that will build the foundation for the decades ahead. And have as much fun as possible. Don’t live with regrets—live with the courage to fall down, get back up, and keep moving.
