I Matched Each Fiona Apple Album to an Apple

The year is 1996, and the music industry is hit by a massive storm — a girl with a fruitful last name. At only 18 years old, Fiona Apple releases her debut album, “Tidal,” sweeping music awards. Over the next 25 years, she released five albums, each with their own distinctive attributes.

Apple hasn’t released an album in five and a half years, and before that, she had not released one in eight years. Despite her current album hiatus, she has worked on a few songs. Her most recent release is “Pretrial (Let Her Go Home),” a protest song advocating for jailed mothers who cannot afford bail.

Social justice is not only involved in Apple’s music, but is also reflected in her life. After winning the 1997 Best New Artist Video Music Award for her “Sleep to Dream” video, Apple took her time on stage to encourage the audience to be themselves and not model their lives after people like her. In 2020, she denounced the Grammy’s for nominating artist Dr. Luke who was sued by Kesha in 2014 for sexual assault and battery.

Now you may be asking yourself: Why is this random college girl qualified to tell me which Apple album matches which apple variety? This is a very valid question. I may have been born in 2005, but I like to think that I am one of Apple’s biggest fans. During quarantine, I discovered her music, appreciating her raw emotion and blunt lyrics, which address issues head-on through her voice. I learned every fun fact about her that I could get my hands on. Whenever asked the question, “If you could have dinner with any celebrity, who would it be?” It would be Apple.

I used word association to compare the features of each album to the features of many different apples. Of course, these matches are confirmed by a final taste test. Here are the apples that match each Apple album.

Tidal

Apple’s very first album “Tidal,” is sweet and feels almost innocent with hints of rage and bitterness. The apple that best matches this album is Fuji. They have a mild tartness but are very sweet. They are crunchy, low in acidity and well balanced. The outside is more pale than other apples, relating to the song “Pale September.”

The songs on “Tidal” match the Fuji apple well. “Slow Like Honey” particularly represents the Fuji. It is “Slow like honey, heavy with mood,” as Apple sings, with notes of citrus and honey.

Released July 23, 1996, the album is sensational despite it being her music debut. My personal favorite off of this album would either be “Shadowboxer” or “The First Taste,” which is ironic considering this article is about apples.

When the Pawn…

Coming up on its 26th anniversary, “When The Pawn…” is complex, much like the SweeTango apple. 

The SweeTango is a cross between a Honeycrisp and a Zestar, and was developed by the University of Minnesota. This apple is sweet, tangy and spicy, exploding with flavor in each crunchy bite. One could describe “When The Pawn…” as crunchy, relating to its toughness and resilience.

A fun fact about this album is that its full title is a 90-word poem by Apple:

When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a king

What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight

And he’ll win the whole thing ‘fore he enters the ring

There’s no body to batter when your mind is your might

So when you go solo, you hold your own hand

And remember that depth is the greatest of heights

And if you know where you stand, then you know where to land

And if you fall it won’t matter, cuz you’ll know that you’re right

The album is in the Guinness World Records and Apple has held the title for eight years.

The song “Paper Bag” reminds me of movies in which elementary school lunches feature a singular apple paired with a ham sandwich made with store-bought white bread and mustard.

Extraordinary Machine

“Extraordinary Machine” was released Oct. 4, 2005, with its 20th anniversary taking place earlier this month.

A lot of punch is packed in this little apple. It is almost pink inside, temporarily staining my plate. It has extremely red skin, which matches the album cover. 

The McIntosh is sweet and boldly tangy, with a subtle spice and strong aroma. This album has much of these same notes.

The outside of the McIntosh is very polished, just like the sound of “Extraordinary Machine.” The apple is also playful, becoming sweeter and more mellow as it ripens. This represents Apple’s progression through her albums, as well as the sweetness and tartness of “Extraordinary Machine.”

The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do

To put it bluntly, this album is extremely sad, and so is the Red Delicious apple. This album doesn’t hide the sadness like the rest. It is soft, mushy and mealy. Its deep red color with purple undertones is intense and rich.

Released in 2012, “The Idler Wheel…” is Apple’s fourth studio album. My favorite songs off this album are “Anything We Want” and “Valentine.” The percussion in “Anything We Want” is funky and the song is more upbeat and happy compared to the rest of the gut-wrenching album.

The Red Delicious is juicy, especially when fresh, like the tears that trickle down my face when I hear this album.

Fetch the Bolt Cutters

Apple’s most recent album, “Fetch the Bolt Cutters,” is powerful and angry. This album is rough and has an unexpected use of instruments. These features are similar to those of a Granny Smith apple.

The album, released at the beginning of the pandemic in 2020, features special guests, which some of Apple’s closest pals, her dogs. Her dog, Mercy, is featured barking on the album, and the bones of her deceased dog, Janet, were used for percussion. Apple is truly unpredictable, breaking all norms much like the Granny Smith.

The future of Apple’s music

Apple’s discography has produced music with many different feelings and vibes since her debut in 1996 at the age of 18. With Apple’s unpredictability comes an uncertain future — will Apple release another album? Only time will tell for the mysterious musician with the fruitful last name.