Happy Valentine’s Month! A Time filled with preparations for flowers, gifts, dates, and all things to make your partner feel special! Romance is one of the biggest highlights of this time.
Google’s definition of romance is a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. But what if that excitement and mystery aren’t just made to be for your partner? What if romance also means nurturing the Self-love story you have with yourself?
Relationships are so amazing when they are healthy, and a healthy relationship stems from two healthy people ( which, by the way, doesn’t mean perfect, but two individuals who recognize their continuous need for growth as individuals and put in the intention and action to settle that need!).
Suppose you want to enjoy all the romance in your relationship; it’s important to understand and build that romance within yourself. Being in a relationship should never look like you’re losing the relationship you had with yourself before that.
Many people, consciously or unconsciously, pour so much into their partner that they neglect their needs and respect that they forget the person they were before love arrived! But the truth is, your most consistent partner in life is you. You can’t take a break from yourself, and how you treat yourself sets the standard for every other relationship in your life ( whether you are in one right now or not!)
So, how can you balance romance with self-love? Here are five ways to practice self-love when you are in love
1. Investing in Personal Hobby’s
You know the saying, “The world doesn’t revolve around you.” That’s true, but ‘your world does revolve around you,’ that’s self-love! Your world is made up of all the personal things, activities, and people that bring you Joy and make you Content, for example, a hobby. Hobbies are escape activities ( not from emotions, mind you! ) but from the overwhelmedness of already having ‘need-to-do’s’ like a job, school, basically obligations.
Hobbies are Want-to-Do’s! The joy you gain from them reveals a part of your complex personality (it is beautiful), and, sadly, a lot of people’s priorities change completely instead of Adjusting ( yes, Adjust, reflect on that) when they have a relationship!
Yes, Relationships need sacrifice, but your want-to-do’s shouldn’t be it; rather, it should be something you start to create intentional time for; 15 to 30 minutes is enough! You can even do some of your hobbies with your partner! It’s a good way to let them know you better and share experiences. But not all the time because the goal isn’t to replace your time with US time. It’s to keep a piece of you alive in the relationship.
So, instead of thinking of hobbies as something you need to set aside for love, think of them as something that helps you show up better in love. Dive into memory lane. What made you happy that you stopped doing now in a relationship?
2. Reconnecting with goals and your steps to making them
On the topic of Hobbies and Self Love, a great way to truly show love to yourself is showing up in the action part of goal planning. As highlighted before, people do consciously and subconsciously forget their ambitions as individuals when focused on one thing and one emotion, but the thing is, Love should add to your life, not replace it.
It’s time to revisit old goals you may have had, like fitness, career, travel, learning something new, etc. You can start with small, achievable steps; this can help you feel less overwhelmed and overcome your procrastination mindset. In setting these steps, you can also use your relationship as a support system because a healthy relationship should encourage both of you to keep striving toward your dreams.
Your love life is just one part of your world; your personal growth is still yours to deal with!
3. Stewarding Other Relationships
PSA: When you get into a relationship, your friends and family are still alive. And since it’s the season of love, it’s important to strive for ‘Healthy love’, and A healthy relationship doesn’t isolate you from support systems whether it’s your partner inflicted or You inflicted!
As much as time with your partner is very valuable and important, when you get preoccupied with that, you tend to make other people in your life who were with you in your single era feel as though they were ‘placeholders. ‘ Another PSA: the more you distance yourself from the people who have always supported and loved you, the more you distance yourself from yourself. Your friendships, family bonds, and outside relationships aren’t just extras; they are part of what makes you you.
Even in Conversations, it shouldn’t always revolve around your relationship but listen to others. You can never grow, gain new perspectives, have emotional balance and an overall healthier sense of self if just one person surrounds you, we need interactions beyond just one person to do that!
Don’t waste time now on matters of ‘self-love’—schedule that friend’s night out, call your sibling, and have that dinner date with family. Love your relationship! But don’t forget to Steward the relationships that have always loved you, too.
4. Have Days When Discipline is Needed
The late-night FaceTime calls are amazing, most especially in the honeymoon stage, where every conversation feels endless. You should have them! But there should be some days where structure is needed (emphasis on some days because of long-distance couples).
There will be times when you mess up certain lifestyle changes, like sleep schedules, workout habits, or even alone time, all in the excitement of love, but structure is necessary for self-care and self-love. A great way to put this into practice is having nights made for journalling, meditation, or having a device-free day.
Plus, it’s very important to get good and complete hours of sleep so you can function better, improve your mental health, and not transfer any sleepy aggression to your partner and those around you. Prioritizing your well-being doesn’t take away from your relationship. It strengthens it!
5. Treating Yourself to You
Treating Yourself to You means loving yourself in the way you want to be loved. Understanding this requires your Love Languages
The Five Famous Love Languages
- Words of affirmation.
- Quality time.
- Physical touch.
- Acts of service.
- Receiving gifts
On the topic of self-love, here is something for you to think about. We often think of love languages in the context of how we give and receive love from others, but what about the love you give to yourself? If you value self-love, how do you practice your love language to yourself?
- Words of Affirmation: How often do you Affirm yourself
- Quality Time: How often do you Spend time with your Self, emotions, mind, e.tc
- Physical touch: How Often do you bring comfort to your body through stretching, massages, skincare, sleeping with a large cozy blanket, e.tc
- Acts of Service: do you show up for yourself the way you do for others?
- Receiving Gifts: do you ever buy yourself something meaningful just because?
What’s one small way you can practice your love language for yourself this month?
Remember
Self-love within a relationship is not selfish but is essential. You learn how to give from yourself first. You learn to love to share; you learn peace to strive for; you learn grace to give; you learn boundaries to set; you learn respect to show; you learn emotions to acknowledge; you learn compassion to support; you learn vulnerability to connect. This list can go on and on. Set the Standard for the relationships in your Life today. For more advice on handling relationships, check out “ How To Prioritize Your College Relationship Without Losing Yourself”
