How do you make friends and keep them around for longer than one text conversation?
284 unread messages. Two hundred eighty-four is the number that sits atop the green app at the bottom of my home screen. Family reaching out, college group chats, and the new friends of post-grad.
How does one make friends, let alone maintain them all while life continues?
I moved to New York a little over a year ago, and I made one new friend. Does that mean I don’t have others? No. But that seems to be the only one I can maintain now. There are more than 8 million people in New York City, and only one is a friend that I met and continue to foster. Now, you may be asking yourself, how did you make that friend? School.
This is a cop-out answer, I know. Most college graduates will enter a brand new world of work, getting their first corporate job or waiting tables to make ends meet, or you’re like me, full-time school and full-time working.
No matter what your situation is, congratulations. You’ve made it to the real world or the post-college blues. There are no built-in friends, no meeting someone in your class, no RAs hosting events, and no club members handing you fliers.
So, how do you make friends, and with who?
Work
The obvious answer is work. If you are lucky in today’s job market, you will have a job lined up in (hopefully) a field that you want to be in. You’ve watched all the TikToks of what the corporate girls wear to work, and you are ready to tackle your first day.
You spend 40 hours a week with your co-workers. The most logical thing is to try to make friends with them. Working at the same company, you most likely have similar interests and talk about work. Then, a few months in, you talk about personal life, and then it can be a snowball effect from there to learning everything about them. Months and months go on, and sometimes, it’s the only people you may see outside of the people you live with.
A Reddit thread titled “Work” has conversations of people discussing, well, work. One subreddit is “Is it bad or wrong to be friends with your Co-Workers?” and the consensus is not to be.
One user, theaquarius1987, puts it plainly and simply: “Coworkers are NOT friends! It isn’t school where you go every day to interact and make friends…it’s work, and none of you would be there if you weren’t getting paid.”
Nicole Kronfli, a recent graduate, lives at home in Washington, DC, and has fallen back on her high school friends.
“Since I graduated, I’ve had two jobs, and I think the first one, I was really eager to make new friends since I was losing that college experience.” Kronfli said, “I think a mistake I made in my first job was trying to be too close with my coworkers and not really separating my personal life from my professional life.”
The choice is ultimately yours. But for me, I would pass.
Going Out with Friends?
This category can depend on where you are located. You may only have a few bars, clubs, or event venues to go to, but it still works! Coming off your college years, you still like to reminisce about a night out, and so do others. There are happy hour guides, the best restaurants, and information on what to do in (blank) city all over TikTok. Pick one of these locations, go with your roommates or one friend, and then mingle to make a new friend.
Easier said than done, right? There are a couple of issues that could arise. Most people already go out in groups, mingling only with familiar faces and not straying away from them. Thus making it hard to break into their conversations. Say you do make a friend out, drinking or dancing with them, sparking up any conversation. What happens when you wake up the next morning and realize you forgot to take their number, or even don’t remember their name? Next!
Friend of a Friend (Mutuals)
You meet a friend… through another friend. This is not groundbreaking. We have all been friends with one person, subsequently met their friend, and ended up being closer with them, resulting in a friend break up from the original one, causing awkwardness when you see them out. (No, this hasn’t happened to me)
Anyway, this is a great way to meet people, but be cautious when doing so. Although it can be tricky, this is my preferred method. You can maintain past friendships with new ones. It is how I met a lot of my friends during college, but outside of college, it is tough to continue to see them without having the original friend.
Keeping a Schedule
Now, this one I want to try, though I can’t keep a regular schedule due to the nature of my school and work. Although I have not tried this one, it is the method I see the most on TikTok. @thedailyvictorian on TikTok regularly posts content about meeting new people and starting friendships targeted to people in their twenties. One of her videos touched on keeping a routine, and you will start seeing the same people whose interests align with you.
Some examples are going to the same coffee shop in your neighborhood, working out at the gym constantly, taking your dog for a walk at the same time, reading in the bookstore every weekend, or joining a community club or class. Whatever your routine and interests are, other people around you during those moments could possibly be your friend.
I haven’t tried this method yet, so let me know if it works in the comments below.
