As a 20-year-old I learnt a lot of hard lessons. I’ve always been obsessed with the idea of ageing, at 12 I convinced myself I would wake up spotty the morning of my 13th birthday. I think about the clock ticking and getting older. Halloween marks the day I will turn 21. 20 was one of the best years of my life, I grew a lot as a person but it also taught me some hard lessons.
In the last year I have learnt the importance of feeling cared for after the painful experience of feeling like dirt at the hands of a boy. I taught myself, with the help of my friends, how being single is not a bad thing. A big thing for me is fashion, and I’ve also learnt how I like to look. I stopped being a sheep and allowed myself to be happy as my true self. But the biggest lessons I have learnt is the importance of my family.
I can be quite a negative person, so these stepping stones have been huge for me. In the last year, I have grown a lot, and I couldn’t be happier or prouder of myself. I hope my lessons provide comfort for you, and you’ll learn something too.
Lesson 1 – heartbreak city
During my 20th year, I met one of the nicest boys. I am lucky enough now to call him my boyfriend. But I also experienced some pretty horrific moments in the name of love. Here’s an article that helped me. Through getting ghosted, and led on or two timed, I can look back now and laugh. It is crazy to me that I would waste time sitting in my room crying about a boy.
One boy that taught me a lot I previously thought of as one of the most important people. I could not be more wrong. Though not an attack on the unnamed boy himself, during my time with him I felt angry and low. I isolated myself and put him before anyone else. I clung onto the idea of him desperately, although he clearly saw me as little better than piece of dirt on his shoe. It was embarrassing, and in hindsight I cannot imagine how I allowed myself to act like that. If I had seen my friends acting like that I would sit them down for an intervention. My poor friends had to listen to so much worry and doubt from me. Months after we cut things off I was still distraught and would worry about even walking through campus in case I saw him.
As a 20 year old I was taught that no boy is worth getting so upset over. The right one comes around, if that takes 2 weeks or 2 years it does not matter. No one needs a boyfriend, and no one should ever make you feel like you do.
Lesson 2 – self love > criticism
Being critical has always been something I have struggled with. It is one of my worst qualities. I can be unfortunately quite judgemental, especially towards myself. It is one of the biggest lessons I needed to learn. I worry does this skirt look ok? Am I slim enough to be wearing this top? I often thought that people would be laughing or talking about me behind my back.
No one, especially yourself, should make you feel that way. But that is easier said than done. Finding things to love, like, or even appreciate about yourself can be difficult. It could be perceived as arrogant or narcissistic, but loving yourself is in fact integral to our well being.
As a 20 year old I learnt to care about myself more. I learnt that one of my favourite physical qualities are my eyes. I now spend time looking after myself, even if that is just an extra 15 minutes a day doing my skincare, or making my hair nice. Make yourself a priority, and treat yourself how you would want to be treated.
Lesson 3 – clothes are meant to fit you
Finding my style was an interesting and challenging journey. I wore some questionable outfits. From skinny jeans, Adidas crop tops to fishnets and far too much eyeliner. I became a sheep, getting what was popular and trending to fit in rather than choosing the things I actually wanted to wear.
As a 20-year-old, I believe I found the clothes I like to wear and feel like myself. I grew out of the overly grunge look my 18-19-year-old self obsessed over. After discovering the show “Skins”, Effy was my fashion icon. Doc Martens were my favourite shoes.
As a young woman, feeling insecure and judged is something that happens very easily. Annoyingly, I let this narrative control me. It took a lot for me to understand that no one cares what I look like. The girl behind me in class is not going to care if my hair has a knot in it or if my top is ugly. This was a hard lesson to learn. Be yourself! You will have a huge confidence boost, trust me.
Lesson 4 – family
I did the whole grumpy teenage routine, who is too cool to hang out with her family. Idiot. If I could time travel, the first thing I would do is go back and tell my younger self, sort yourself out and appreciate the time with your family.
My mum, Claire Ruth Watts, taught me kindness. She shows me every day, that negativity is useless and tries desperately for me to become more understanding of people around me. My dad, Mathew James Watts has taught me to laugh. Although I will never admit it to him, his dad’s jokes are sometimes funny. He protects me, and for that I am more grateful than I ever could say.
But the 3 people who have taught me the most important lessons are my 3 younger brothers. Austin David Watts, Louie Peter Watts and Corey James Watts are the 3 most important people in my life. They have taught me how much you can love a person. I would protect them with my life.
My advice to anyone reading this would be to take a step back. Notice the things that you are grateful for, and appreciate yourself more.
