Megalopolis Review: “Mega-Flop-alis”

Francis Ford Coppola’s quote-on-quote “magnum opus” Megalopolis has just hit theaters, and it is dividing viewers intensely. Personally, I’m not sure why because this movie makes no sense at all.

This film has seen its share of criticism and praise far before it even hit theaters. Coppola has been trying to get this made for decades, and the production was a bit shaky. The acclaimed director decided to pay 120 Million dollars for the film out of pocket, even selling his own winery to get more funds. Unfortunately that did not pay off, because in this humble movie lover’s opinion, Megalopolis is a disaster!

The plot of megalopolis… I think?

As someone who has been watching movies since he was young, I will do my best to guide him through this mess. Adam Driver plays “Cesar Catalina”, the head of building buildings in “New Rome”. (New Rome is just New York City by the way, with far too few Sci-Fi influences.) Cesar wants to fix the city, but “Mayor Cicero”, played by Giancarlo Esposito, doesn’t want that, he wants to build casinos instead. Of course, as these things go on, the Mayor’s daughter, Julia, starts working for Cesar, and she falls in love with him.

There’s also this bank family, Cesar’s family. Jon Voight, Cesar’s uncle, plays the owner of the city’s most prominent bank, with Shia LeBouf playing his troublesome grandson, “Clodio”. Clodio hates Cesar and tries his best to get the city to turn against him. Finally, Aubrey Plaza plays “Platinum Wow”, a vulture of a reporter who uses her beauty as a weapon against the men who run the city. With all of these crazy characters and a plot with a lot of potential, you’d think the movie would be exciting! But it’s actually very boring. It was so boring I almost left several times. This is a result of the movie’s tone, or rather lack thereof.

Tonally Unforgivable

I’d say this movie takes itself too seriously. It also tries to be funny. Furthermore, it attempts to be romantic, profound, and insightful. When trying to balance so many different themes and concepts, a film can tire itself out. This is certainly what happened with Megalopolis. From scene to scene, it was hard to tell how I was actually supposed to feel about anything going on. None of the characters are likable, in fact they’re all quite annoying. I know that Coppola was trying to make a point about the state of America today, but there are so many better ways to do so.

A lot of reviewers are saying that all of these characters seem to be from different movies. I disagree. They all absolutely belong in Megalopolis, a crazy and confusing movie filled with questionable decisions. The motivations of the characters make sense, at least, it’s just the way they carry out their plans that do not. I didn’t laugh nor cry; I did not gasp at the “beauty” of Megalopolis. I was simply shocked at how incoherent the entire story was. Plotlines unfold, characters do things, and then it is completely forgotten about. Usually, a film unfolds and ties all of its loose ends together by the end. But this film is anything but usual.

How Did Megalopolis Get Made?

Coppola wrote the script in the 80s, and tried to make it in the early 2000s with the likes of Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert De Niro. I don’t understand why so many high profile actors would be a part of this film, besides the fact that Coppola is involved. He has done great work before. The Godfather, Apocalypse Now, and The Conversation are amazing films. But to read this script? And to agree to be a part of it? It blows my mind.

No one is particularly bad in the film, but the material they have is completely lackluster. The characters are all extremely one-note, and no amount of emotional backstory could make Cesar Catalina a likable chap. All of the other characters don’t have enough screen time or characterization to make them memorable. This results in a hodge-podge of strange interactions and uncomfortable conversations. There is no fun to be had here, and while not every movie has to be fun, this one is clearly trying to be. The humor does not land, the antics are not enjoyable, and a lot of the time, the cast seemed as confused as I was.

How Can We Rebuild?

I want to look at this film as a metaphor for the state of movies as they are today. Like Cesar Catalina, we must destroy what has come before and build something beautiful. Coppola is past his prime and out of his element. This isn’t the only example of such a self-indulgent film this year. Kevin Costner mortgaged his home in Santa Barbara to fund his 100 Million Dollar Western “Saga”, Horizon: An American Saga. He’s making four movies that are all about three hours a piece. I think both of these men are insane.

The best films I’ve seen this year have been low-budget, independently produced, and have an actual story. It seems the newer, younger filmmakers who are coming up with fresh ideas are the ones actually making out at the box office, and I love to see it. This is how it goes, however, as Coppola was once in their shoes. The first films he directed were B-horror films such as The Terror or Dementia 13. I think that once a filmmaker gets big, they can either take this streak and ride it or ultimately get too big-headed, causing them to crash and burn. That is the case with Megalopolis, an exhausting, confusing, and humorless piece of junk. Sorry, Francis, better luck next time.